Yeah… so stuff is kind of dead around the LBC… “OH COME ON G$! THERE ALL SORTS OF STUFF! CHET’S SHIRTLESS! WE HAVE RACES! PALIN’S TOURING!” Yeah… I hear ya… anyways… I mean… kinda slow out there… I mean… it’s no real big surprise… stuff is winding down … peeps are in Turkey mode… but since it is slow… and... hmmm… let’s try something… A slow jam… try to attempt… ATTEMPT… is the keyword… to slow jam a post about what’s going on… Kind of a… state of the race… and teach a little party unity to one another… “This won’t work G$!” but… “No way.” But wait a minute… this could get good… so I’m gonna need your help QCI-ders… yeeahh… Let’s do this… together… alright… let’s start the mood…[lights dim…]
G$: So… let’s see if we can start this… *snap… snap… snap…*
[everybody snapping their fingers]
G$: *snap… snap… snap…* Alright now… yeah that’s alright… you guys are good at this… yeah… Now… let’s a get good bass groove going…
[smooth bass groove]
G$: Oh… that’s nice… #goodjoboutofyou… yeah… now let’s welcome my band… the Edwards Street Mullet All-Stars (ESMA)…
[ESMA begins a guitar groove… drum groove… ect. ect.]
G$: And their leader… and my backup man… Mista… Frost…Eze Funk Malt (FM). How you feelin’ Frosty?
FM: [singing] G Mon-ee you know man I’m chilleehilleehillilling…
G$: Dayam right… * snap.. snap… snap...* Alight now… got the mood set… band is groovin’… now QCI-ders… we’s ready to slow jam this post… uh… yeah… uh… Shut the front door!
[ESMA busts out a quick jam… then…]
FM: STOP!
[ESMA pauses… then begins the slow groove]
G$: *snap… snap… snap…* Awe yeeah… good to see you Q. C. I… Derrrrs… where we uh… on this post… it is not like the most… it’s a… slow jam… yeah… oh… but don’t you worry baby… and uh… don’t you cry… [singing] because we get random, all the tiiiime… !
FM: [singing] You stop to read this stuff ev-er-y day, It’s a slow jam post baby just be-have. You get the scoop and the pub-lic matters, but Grant can’t spell and has horr-i-ble grammar…
[ESMA pauses with a drum snap… *snap*… then continues the slow jam]
*snap… snap… snap…*
G$: *snap… snap… snap…* Hey… So we got ourselves a Guv race… that’s a… getting a little in yo face… but with no disgrace. You see… the peeps in the G.O.P. are… feelin’ some love… they are feelin’ some soul… I’m means… the DMR gots themselves a good poll…
FM: [singing] You know it was a good poll…
G$: [singing] Hmmmm baby it was a huge poll…
FM: [singing] Talkin’ ‘bout a big poll…
G$: [singing] She said it was a big poll…
FM: [singing] A good poll.
G$: [singin] Large poll.
FM: [singing] Lord it was a huuu huuu eee-uuuuge poll.
G$: [singing] Damn right we gotta big poll.
FM: [signing] It’s all right.
G$: [signing] Alright.
FM: [signing] It’s all right.
G$: [signing] Nothin’ wrong with a big poll.
FM: [signing] Damn right.
G$: [signing] GOP is pumped now.
FM: [singing] Tha Geee yee eeah.O.P. is stimulated…
G&: [singing] Hmmm.. #goodjoboutofyou y'all
[ESMA pauses with a drum snap… *snap*… then continues the slow jam]
G$: So easy… very easy… easy to say that peeps are… a little… excited… the Rs are aroused… But… some peeps are sweatin’… they feel some of that… heat… I’m talkin’ about the other side… you see… KMac, Murphy Murph and the funky bunch… and of course... the Big Lug…
FM: [singing] Chetty sweatin’ now…
G$: But… you know… he ain’t sweatin’ because… he's got a little junk in the trunk… nah… he's sweatin' over time now... because his digits… they be diving…
FM: [singing] Chet Culver’s approval is startin’ to dip, so he cooled down off on a fitness trip. All wonder... from the VBC to Audubon, why’d he go skins... in that triathalon?
[ESMA pauses with a drum snap… *snap*… then continues the slow jam]
G$: *snap… snap… snap…* While we are feelin’good… like a… good back massage… But our peeps… they are gettin’ a little feisty… I mean… trying to get that vote… And our guys are… a… working it… Bobby V scores…himself some endorsements… Roberts… gives good… speeches… Then Jerry Jerry posts… and coasts to events… And… uh...
FM: [singing] C Rants twitters, starts old school Google, Hits the road, fills the car wit Biofuel. Christian Fong shows he can raise some cash, and T-E-B still rocks an awesome mustache…
[ESMA pauses with a drum snap… *snap*… then continues the slow jam]
G$: Damn right… *snap… snap… snap…* But uh… nothin’ wrong with a little drama… a little competition… a primary… get our candidate… get a good one… to win in the fall... next year… but babies… we’s gonna have to get… together…
FM: [singing] Ohhhh we gonna have to get together…
G$: [singing] Unite as a party now…
FM: [singing] Do the group thing
G$: [singing] Ohhhh eee ohhh we gonna get together now
FM: [singing] For the group thing
G$: [singing] Come together baby.
FM: [signing] Group thang.
G$: [signing] It’s alright.
FM: [signing] Alright.
G$: [signing] It feels right
FM: [signing] Feels so right
G$: [signing] Do the group.
FM: [signing] Do it as a group.
G$: [singing] As group... a group... a group, gotta be a group... you. got. to. be. a. gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta be a group, gotta be a group… oh yeah... you gotta... do it as one y’all
FM: [singing] Families will fight and disagree, but baby baby baby baby don’t you leave. Support your guy and support your man, but don’t make June 8th a one night stand.
[ESMA pauses with a drum snap… *snap*… then continues the slow jam]
G$: *snap… snap… snap…* That’s right… just because we will have a little fight… a little spat… between friends… we all know…. making up… is… so much more fun…
FM: [singing] ohhh making up is fun.
G$: Heal the wounds… unite… and take back that Leadership… So pick your guy. Show your might. Keep fighting the good fight. Go to these events, the chili suppers… put up a sign, slap a bumper sticker…
FM: [singing] Slap it good y’all.
G$: I said slap it.
FM: [singing] Slap it on…
G$: Slap it.
FM: [singing] ohhh… slap ‘em on now.
G$: [signing] Ohh yeah slap
FM: [singing] Slap a good one y’all.
G$: [singing] Smack it baby
FM: [singing] One more time
G$: [singing] Thank you may I have anotha now
FM: [singing] ohhh… slap it babe
G$: [signing] Smack it good
FM: [singing] Baby with a car antenna...
G$: Because no matter how big our poll is now… it can all go… down… soften up… and we’ll need everyone… to bring this State back… to make the comeback full circle. To there’s to much on the line… so much this time!
[ESMA escalates the jam]
FM: [singing] There’s too much at stake, for this Hawkeye State, we need a new leader, for goodness sake. So pull for yo fella, pull for you guy, Annnnnnd come together post primary… tiiiii eeee iiiime!
[ESMA pauses with a drum snap… *snap*]
G$: And that… is how we come together… with a slow jam… for the primary…
Stay thirsty…
EDITORS' NOTE: If you had a hard time following this, are from Story City, have no soul and/or lack the funk... peep this… <-------------- Meaning, click on that link. This should explain...
