The QCI Slow Jam: GOP Primary & Party Unity Explained... Smoothly

Yeah… so stuff is kind of dead around the LBC… “OH COME ON G$! THERE ALL SORTS OF STUFF! CHET’S SHIRTLESS! WE HAVE RACES! PALIN’S TOURING!” Yeah… I hear ya… anyways… I mean… kinda slow out there… I mean… it’s no real big surprise… stuff is winding down … peeps are in Turkey mode… but since it is slow… and... hmmm… let’s try something… A slow jam… try to attempt… ATTEMPT… is the keyword… to slow jam a post about what’s going on… Kind of a… state of the race… and teach a little party unity to one another… “This won’t work G$!” but… “No way.” But wait a minute… this could get good… so I’m gonna need your help QCI-ders… yeeahh… Let’s do this… together… alright… let’s start the mood…

[lights dim…]

G$: So… let’s see if we can start this… *snap… snap… snap…*

[everybody snapping their fingers]

G$: *snap… snap… snap…* Alright now… yeah that’s alright… you guys are good at this… yeah… Now… let’s a get good bass groove going…

[smooth bass groove]

G$: Oh… that’s nice… #goodjoboutofyou… yeah… now let’s welcome my band… the Edwards Street Mullet All-Stars (ESMA)…

[ESMA begins a guitar groove… drum groove… ect. ect.]

G$: And their leader… and my backup man… Mista… Frost…Eze Funk Malt (FM). How you feelin’ Frosty?
FM: [singing] G Mon-ee you know man I’m chilleehilleehillilling…
G$: Dayam right… * snap.. snap… snap...* Alight now… got the mood set… band is groovin’… now QCI-ders… we’s ready to slow jam this post… uh… yeah… uh… Shut the front door!

[ESMA busts out a quick jam… then…]

FM: STOP!

[ESMA pauses… then begins the slow groove]

G$: *snap… snap… snap…* Awe yeeah… good to see you Q. C. I… Derrrrs… where we uh… on this post… it is not like the most… it’s a… slow jam… yeah… oh… but don’t you worry baby… and uh… don’t you cry… [singing] because we get random, all the tiiiime… !
FM: [singing] You stop to read this stuff ev-er-y day, It’s a slow jam post baby just be-have. You get the scoop and the pub-lic matters, but Grant can’t spell and has horr-i-ble grammar…

[ESMA pauses with a drum snap… *snap*… then continues the slow jam]

*snap… snap… snap…*

G$: *snap… snap… snap…* Hey… So we got ourselves a Guv race… that’s a… getting a little in yo face… but with no disgrace. You see… the peeps in the G.O.P. are… feelin’ some love… they are feelin’ some soul… I’m means… the DMR gots themselves a good poll…
FM: [singing] You know it was a good poll…
G$: [singing] Hmmmm baby it was a huge poll…
FM: [singing] Talkin’ ‘bout a big poll…
G$: [singing] She said it was a big poll…
FM: [singing] A good poll.
G$: [singin] Large poll.
FM: [singing] Lord it was a huuu huuu eee-uuuuge poll.
G$: [singing] Damn right we gotta big poll.
FM: [signing] It’s all right.
G$: [signing] Alright.
FM: [signing] It’s all right.
G$: [signing] Nothin’ wrong with a big poll.
FM: [signing] Damn right.
G$: [signing] GOP is pumped now.
FM: [singing] Tha Geee yee eeah.O.P. is stimulated…

G&: [singing] Hmmm.. #goodjoboutofyou y'all

[ESMA pauses with a drum snap… *snap*… then continues the slow jam]

G$: So easy… very easy… easy to say that peeps are… a little… excited… the Rs are aroused… But… some peeps are sweatin’… they feel some of that… heat… I’m talkin’ about the other side… you see… KMac, Murphy Murph and the funky bunch… and of course... the Big Lug…
FM: [singing] Chetty sweatin’ now…
G$: But… you know… he ain’t sweatin’ because… he's got a little junk in the trunk… nah… he's sweatin' over time now... because his digits… they be diving…
FM: [singing] Chet Culver’s approval is startin’ to dip, so he cooled down off on a fitness trip. All wonder... from the VBC to Audubon, why’d he go skins... in that triathalon?

[ESMA pauses with a drum snap… *snap*… then continues the slow jam]

G$: *snap… snap… snap…* While we are feelin’good… like a… good back massage… But our peeps… they are gettin’ a little feisty… I mean… trying to get that vote… And our guys are… a… working it… Bobby V scores…himself some endorsements… Roberts… gives good… speeches… Then Jerry Jerry posts… and coasts to events… And… uh...
FM: [singing] C Rants twitters, starts old school Google, Hits the road, fills the car wit Biofuel. Christian Fong shows he can raise some cash, and T-E-B still rocks an awesome mustache…

[ESMA pauses with a drum snap… *snap*… then continues the slow jam]

G$: Damn right… *snap… snap… snap…* But uh… nothin’ wrong with a little drama… a little competition… a primary… get our candidate… get a good one… to win in the fall... next year… but babies… we’s gonna have to get… together…
FM: [singing] Ohhhh we gonna have to get together…
G$: [singing] Unite as a party now…
FM: [singing] Do the group thing
G$: [singing] Ohhhh eee ohhh we gonna get together now
FM: [singing] For the group thing
G$: [singing] Come together baby.
FM: [signing] Group thang.
G$: [signing] It’s alright.
FM: [signing] Alright.
G$: [signing] It feels right
FM: [signing] Feels so right
G$: [signing] Do the group.
FM: [signing] Do it as a group.
G$: [singing] As group... a group... a group, gotta be a group... you. got. to. be. a. gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta be a group, gotta be a group… oh yeah... you gotta... do it as one y’all

FM: [singing] Families will fight and disagree, but baby baby baby baby don’t you leave. Support your guy and support your man, but don’t make June 8th a one night stand.

[ESMA pauses with a drum snap… *snap*… then continues the slow jam]

G$: *snap… snap… snap…* That’s right… just because we will have a little fight… a little spat… between friends… we all know…. making up… is… so much more fun…
FM: [singing] ohhh making up is fun.
G$: Heal the wounds… unite… and take back that Leadership… So pick your guy. Show your might. Keep fighting the good fight. Go to these events, the chili suppers… put up a sign, slap a bumper sticker…
FM: [singing] Slap it good y’all.
G$: I said slap it.
FM: [singing] Slap it on…
G$: Slap it.
FM: [singing] ohhh… slap ‘em on now.
G$: [signing] Ohh yeah slap
FM: [singing] Slap a good one y’all.
G$: [singing] Smack it baby
FM: [singing] One more time
G$: [singing] Thank you may I have anotha now
FM: [singing] ohhh… slap it babe
G$: [signing] Smack it good
FM: [singing] Baby with a car antenna...

G$: Because no matter how big our poll is now… it can all go… down… soften up… and we’ll need everyone… to bring this State back… to make the comeback full circle. To there’s to much on the line… so much this time!

[ESMA escalates the jam]

FM: [singing] There’s too much at stake, for this Hawkeye State, we need a new leader, for goodness sake. So pull for yo fella, pull for you guy, Annnnnnd come together post primary… tiiiii eeee iiiime!

[ESMA pauses with a drum snap… *snap*]

G$: And that… is how we come together… with a slow jam… for the primary…

Stay thirsty…

EDITORS' NOTE: If you had a hard time following this, are from Story City, have no soul and/or lack the funk... peep this… <-------------- Meaning, click on that link. This should explain...

Upon Further Review Wednesday

A little something different today... mostly because of the awesomeness of QCI-ders. You see, like a great Grunge Band, we loves ourselves some feedback... and our loyal readers are chirping. We're not sure if you're actually stimulated by the topics here... possibly really really bored... or you just are humoring the World's Crappiest Blog... but its good to hear from you.

So... maybe... just maybe we could have a steady new feature here on QCI... Upon Further Review Wednesday... basically... where we revisit a subject or newsie thing that you are still talking about after the fact... or if we did a lame job on it... or everyone else is slobbering about it still and we're just jumping on the bandwagon...

Let's try this then get a little random...

CHET CULVER - OK... lots of stuff on him lately. So lets disect this. The fat thing... stop it. I know there's a lot of peeps who love a good joke and such... but let's review it. Number one... remember how the whole "Big Lug" thing in '06? How'd that go? Number two. New Jersey this year? Yeah... now we chatted about the pics and such yesterday... let those speak for themselves. That's basically really horrible staff work there and terrible planning. But focus a little better QCI-ders... I mean... if we're gonna channel our inner Mortal Combat and "finish him" next fall... quit talking about weight and more about how bad of a manager of government he is. The dude's tanking... he's been on TV for like 3 weeks now and his numbers still continue to dive... Seriously QCI-ders, everytime there has been a test for this adminsitration they have failed worse than me trying to win a spelling and grammar contest... so yeah... upon further review... don't talk about the fat... talk about the facts... and we'll win a year from now.

THE QCI TWEET UP - Should have some deets nailed down this week. It will be fun... informative... (snicker) and awesome. Be on the lookout. Epic.
EPIC BOOK UPDATE - Wow... backlash! So... some of you were pretty upset when we were told not to talk about the soon to be dead last on the list I'm Sorry, I'm Sorry That I'm Awesome. Well... I got the OK to tell you what we're up to now... basically working on the layout of the thing... subjects... story boards... ect... QCI HQ looks like most of you peeps' places before a fantasy football draft... white boards... note cards... epic.
HOLY CRAP, ALMOST 40,000 - Seriously... you people have nothing else better to do. But thanks for taking the time for reading this abuse of the 1st amendment... abuse of the english language... giving a bad name to bloggers and people who write every where... Anyways... we'll be at 40,000 hits soon. Thanks for everything on that.
FUNNY TAKE... BUT TRUE... I GUESS - Over heard something the other day... Dude was talking about how all of the cool things start to suck after while... say Facebook for example... Dude was like "Urgh... Facebook is starting to suck." And his buddy goes, "Dude, its the boomers man." Dude was like, "Huh?" And his buddy goes, "Yeah man, the baby boomers... they take stuff that is cool and ruin them." Dude was like... "Whoah... you're right." Heheheheh... oh yeah... kind of like our benefits we put money into that we'll never see... oh this could be a good Damn It Rant if I were more motivated...

AND FINALLY... Since we probably just pissed off every Baby Boomer who checks in here... why not go with it... keep the theme... and crank some Limp Bizkit... its just one of those days... crank this and bring it...

Dwayne, Zach, Everclear... and Shirts versus Skins

Alright… a little more G$ish stuff today… Of which I know totally annoys most of you… But for real… kind of a weird day like that. Anyways… we hit another day of highs and lows here at the QCI HQ… Let’s get to it.

WTF, WTF, WTF… DWAYNE! You have to be f’ing joking me. But per the Chiefs PR tweeter…. Its true. Star receiver Dwayne Bowe is suspended for 4 games for PEDs (performance enhancing drugs). This is so friggin awesome… no it isn’t you moron. GRRRRRRRR… You think I’m pissed? How about Matt Cassel? Better yet… wouldn’t want to run into Todd Haley right now. Dude would rip your head off. Urgh…
WOOT! ZACH ATTACK! Just when we are getting let down by teams we follow… some good news… Kansas City Royal Zach Greinke is your 2009 AL Cy Young Award winner. This dude is epic. Crazy thing is… if you know his story… he almost quit baseball… now he’s… sing it Tina… “Simply the best!” Oh yeah… that was totally dripping with Cheese Whiz… get over it.
CONGRATS MR AND MRS OLD BOY! Direct from the Amazing Crappy Not-so-breaking news Tex Mexing Thinger… We can report that Old Boy is now a father. I know I can collectively speak for the entire QCI-der community when I say, “Holy crap! Old boy is a baby daddy!?!” Just kidding here. Per a tex mex… It’s a boy! Max Russell Johansen, 6 pounds, 9 ounces, 19 inches… born this morning. Again congrats to Eric and Tara… #goodjoboutofyou

It’s been a while… so lets do one of these…

QCI FACEBOOK STATUS OF THE DAY

“So and so… ran into the ‘twisted firestarter’ last night. She set fire to my Jeep back in the day. And yes, she was a dancer. ‘was’ being the key word. She is not so pretty, but still twisted.”

This is epic if you really know the deets... epic.

WHOAH WHOAH WHOAH THERE BIG LUG – Now… I’m gonna be the last one to poke fun at Culver on this stuff. I mean, in case you haven’t heard… I have would doctors call…. A little bit of a weight problem… So yeah, hi kettle, my name is black. How are you? But my man… holy schnikes on the pics on the DMR now... ERRR no longer on the DMR... I mean… I have done a Chris Farley routine a time or 2… yups the Swayze one… but, I’m not the Gov. Yikes… his week, not so much for him. But come on dude... you didn't think someone was gonna snaps the pics with your shirt off? Holy smokes... again, nice to meet you kettle, I'm Black... nice to meet you. Um... who gets fired now for letting this happen to Governor is the next question...
CHRISTMAS AWESOMENESS, GOD’S COUNTRY STYLE – So if you been a long time reader, you know my Pops is putting on an addition to the Garage. Yes, the Legendary Garage… the best place in the World. But get this… for Jewell Christmas tour of homes on December 6th… the garage is on the tour… not the house… the garage. Email me up for the deets if want to hit the Christmas garage tour. Epic.
EVERCLEAR UNDER INVESTIGATION – So… the State peeps are now saying that want to discuss Everclear… due to the Drake kid going to the hospital and such. Ummm… where were these dudes during most College Republican functions in the mid ’90s? I know at least 10 people at the ole CR parties I could call on for a report on Everclear… I bet all of the conclusions on their reports end… something like… “Get this… Everclear will f you up. I mean they clean lab tools with this shit for Christ’s sake. Duh.”

AND FINALLY… A quick little plug for one of pals who will be performing at the Funny Bone over Thanksgiving weekend… (dude, we’ll be there) Old school NIACC pal Josh Alton… saw the show a while back… epic. Good stuff… oh and weird enough… here’s his bit on Community College… here's all the deets on him and his stop back in Iowa. Until then, stay thirsty friends….

Yo yo yo like Paulie during the Holidays...

Whoah QCI-ders…what a weekend. It was down…then up… whoah… Let’s get to it…

LOOKIE LOOKIE – So in case you’re living under a rock… the DMR has a new poll out. This is some good momentum. For real… we saw this thing retweeted more than a couple of dozen times… This is huhuhuhu huge!
BOAL TO TEB - This is a bigger pick up than the average bear QCI-ders… Former State Rep. Carmine Boal has signed up with Team TEB. “Why is this key G$?” Glad you asked. This is big because… not only does she have good conservative street cred… but 2 other things… 1) She was a part of the Team Huckamania Leadership in Iowa… so the whole “so goes Team Huck, so goes Team BVP” theory, not so much… 2) When Carmine gets involved in a campaign… look out, good things happen… stay tuned there.
HEART ATTACK ERRRR HEARTBREAK HAWKS – We’re still feeling like a beaten puppy after that one… I will just stop now before I type the 33 new cuss words I created during that game. Still have a pretty huge opening in my chest... urgh...
CHIEEEEEEEFS! Oh hell yes! You know what makes us feel better? The frigging Chiefs won! Even more sweeter? They beat the Raidas…. Yes it was ugly… but what does ugly mean? Say it all together QCI-ders… “Ugly still means you have a date to the prom.” So… we got that going for us.
EPIC BOOK UPDATE – OK… sorry to be all "sell out" on you… but at the advising of my agents and promotional team… I have been told to keep details on the upcoming soon to be dead last on the New York Times Bestseller List… I’m Sorry, I’m Sorry That I’m Awesome… off of QCI... But… I have been given the OK to tweet about it… so you may stay tuned there… look for requests, ideas and the whole process of creating the most horrible book of all time. Epic. Yeah... sorry for being a sell out... but face it... We're sell outs like Metallica... we sell out every time... holler! Stay thirsty on this one.
THAT BLASTED BARNES II – So late last night… we’re watching Sound Off… And all we hear and see is this stupid… very misled bit that Harrison Barnes was seriously considering ISU and/or ISU was a contenda… If you think or thought this… you can start to hit yourself in the head with a tack hammer… Also... how many stolen top Iowa made recruits does it make for ole Roy Williams? Hmmm...
COOL BLOG(s) ALERT – One of our favorite Celeb bloggers and former Iowa City drinking pal, Super Liz Crokin, is starting a new political blog? What!?! Super Liz, this mean no more Celeb hunting or being called a Parasite by John Cusak? Say it ain’t so! For all things celeb, check out These Boots Are Made For Stalking… and stay tuned to LizCrokin.com for more epic updates. Sup-er! Liz! Who's up for table dancing at the U Bar?
LJ TO CINCY? You heard it here first. The Cincinnati Bengals will not make the Super Bowl. If they sign LJ, this will seal their fate.
COOL EVENT ALERT – QCI Tweet Up – Awe yeah… you likes to tweet? You likes the QCI (or at least humor us)? Then… let’s get together… PLUS! Yous gets to play one of the MOST EPIC games in history. Nah… ever. Deets to come. So tweet tweet bitches! Oh… and follow my horrible crappy updates at @grantyoung72. Treat yo tweeter good nah. Details to come... Stay thirsty on this one too...

AND FINALLY… Holy smokes! How did we miss this cover? This is beyond epic… I don’t care what is going on in your office… what you’re doing online at home… or if you’re about to download some naughty naughty time… do yourself a favor (and everyone within listening distance)… stop what you’re doing… and crank the shiznit out of this!!!!! DO IT NOW!!!!

Weekend Update... That blasted Harrison ERR Cliff Barnes....

Crank the Tears for Fears because we’re rolling out a Weekend Update. As we know… everybody wants to rule the World… So let’s get to some updates.. random as always…

DID MCKINLEY JUST CALL THE CULVER ADMINISTRATION STUPID? Um. He just might have… Per spam from the Paulster here... Whoah, I get guess he did.
OH HELL YES!!! So we gets ourselves a down ticket statewide primary. Not that we aren’t disappointed with the field… but now since Eichhorn has jumped in… and possibly Pate… We get to bust out Ace Ventura pics again… FInkle and Eichhorn… Eichhorn or Finkle!!?!?!
GMLB ON TV – Weird… we thought we saw ole GMLB up on the air the other night… but it was just some lobby group trying to get you to call him and say thanks for some thing they spend a lot of money to pass. So.. yeah thanks GMLB… for uh.. never mind.
SEPAKING OF GAYS – So Joy Corning is making phone calls… telling peeps to support Gay Marriage. Wonder if GMLB got himself a call. Loves himself some gay marriage.
THEN THE SHIT STORM – Now the ICA and IFPC are getting all huffy and puffy. Got spammed by the ICA peeps and Hurla Hurley (our new nickname) sent out thingers… Not sure if there’s a crowd of folks assembled outsode of the TEB HQ with torches and pitch forks… but I’d be on the look out.
WHICH IS ALL GOOD RIGHT? So… now the focus in the GOP Primary is all gays all the time… and peeps on Fleur Drive and Terrace Hill are smirking… because everyone has stopped talking about the mismanagement of the Big Lug.
HARRISON BARNES TO UNC – Yeah… not a shocker. Oh come Iowa Staters…did you really think you were going to get him? Child please, I have a better shot of Elizabeth Shue stopping to see me at Vets Auditorium over lunch hour for a Nooner… yeah… never was or never will happen.
HUHUHU HUGE TAKE FROM THE TWITTER - #goojoboutyou to one of our favorite peeps John Gilliland over at ABI for when he Tweeted: “YIKES - if Braley is right and Congress passes public option in health care IA's 60,000 insurance jobs @ risk.”
RAIDER WEEK – Raider week!!!! Actually feeling good about this one. Methinks that we actually got a shot being Larry-less for a week. BTW… good luck to you sirs who pick him up on wavers… #horriblejoboutofyou
EPIC BOOK UPDATE – Yeah this thing is getting off the chain. Basically this book is gonna take all of the coolest things there are… and smoosh them together. Epic.

AND FINALLY… Over at QCI HQ… we’re beginning to become real big fans of the Jimmy Fallon Show… basically because of the Roots… Last night they slow jammed the news… we’re totally doing that soon… so stay thirsty friends… and crank up… Oh… and that’s the news and I am out of here…

Wait... this thing is for real?

Whoah… what a day QCI-ders… you all are freaking awesome. Ever since I announced my upcoming book… things started to get off the chain! Emails, texts, tweets… and phone calls? Yeah, you people are crazy. Crazy good that is. So… since you are all in on this thing… I thought… Man… I’m gonna need some help. I’ve never written a book before… So immediately… there was a QCI HQ Staff meeting… Everyone got their moleskines out and the brainstorming began… Here’s some of our current action items we are working on… you got any ideas? Tex Mex me up… Here’s our to-dos… and their statuses…

GET A KICK ASS AGENT – Yeah… gonna need an awesome agent… Like better than Ari Gold. Basically… hook me up with a huge deal… then… (and this is key)… once we sell a gazillion copies… hit the speaking circuit… then we’ll find some sucker political organization to pay me $100,000 to show up and speak… then what will I do… oh hell yes… sell more freaking books. I’m a freaking genius! How awesome is this? So… if you are interested, I’m taking applications now… so if you know some peeps… hit me up. Also, we’re creating a list of morons who would actually pay $100,000 for a speaker… so send those suggestions too! You guys are awesome.

GET A REALLY GOOD EDITOR – Yeah… I totally suck at spelling and grammar… Like I’m really freaking bad. Yeah… if I had a gun to my head and was told to write a paragraph… with no mistakes… spell things right and use the correct words… BANGBANG. Down goes G$... So since my sister April is basically the QCI Spelling/Grammar monitor…. She gets the gig. Yeah… she’s always on my case on that stuff. But she said it’s gonna cost me… so you can blame her for why the book will cost too much… you’ll still buy it though…

OH YEAH… WRITE THE FREAKING THING – So… I actually started putting pen to paper… burning up the keyboard… Epic. For real… But since you all are loyal readers… I’ll give you a sneaky sneak preview of what I’m planning to include in the book:
- 72 Chapters of awesomeness… 3 of them will be chapters of coloring pages… so really 69 chapters… hahaha… 69…
- Collectible stickers and sticker pages. EVERYONE LOVES STICKERS! I’m a genius… I know. It’s like peeps will buy this… just for the cool stickers.
- Format? Random… Dude this thing is turning more into a cool workbook for being awesome… and other random things… Epic. This book will change your life.

So yeah… that’s the update on the book… Thanks for all of your ideas and kind things to say… this thing is gonna be awesome… and you all get to come along for a ride. Got ideas? Tex mex me, email it, Facebooker or Tweet Tweet, bitches… Send it my way.

Totally have more stuff coming… our horrible takes and thoughts that you enjoy reading like you like enjoy watching train wrecks… epic.

Stay thirsty friends… And have yourself a helping of the Darkness… Enjoy…

Dude... I'm Writing a Book...

I’m selling books… No for real… How freaking cool is the cover of my book? Freaking awesome.

So… I was keeping this on the down low… but since only about 5 people read this (Hi Grandma!)… I thought I would share that I am writing a book. It’s gonna be called… “I’m Sorry, I’m Sorry That I’m Awesome”… When will it come out? Hmmmm… Not sure… maybe when I need to make a convenient visit somewhere to get some earned media… oh… that’s not how it works? For real… you’ll want to buy it. It will be epic. I promise to put a ton of pictures in it so that you people reading in Story City will enjoy too! How awesome is that! I love books with pictures! Maybe even coloring pages! I know… pretty freaking cool.

Plus… I’m totally doing this. I’m not joking. And you county parties… and State Party? Yeah… no dice for you. This is me time… 24/7 me… so yeah, stick it… why would I want to help you out? Sure you may have chances to win back majorities in the House… possibly Senate… But how many books does that sell me? None. None at all. Chance to take back Terrace Hill? Well… maybe I’ll kinda help with that… hmmm… nah… I gots books to sell.

Again… what’s in it for me? Seriously? (hugest smirk of all time)

Anyways… since this is the “in” thing to do now… you know, write a book… sell it… get on all the TV shows… Maybe host SNL… or get a cool funny spoof… that’s why you write them… right? Well… since everyone is pushing books… Let’s chirp about it.

OMG OMG SARAH PALIN IS COMING! OMG! Here’s the deets… might be harder to get tickets to a Rolling Stones concert… And yes… I can’t believe I typed that. *scream like a little girl* OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!

HUCK-A-BOOKS – The Huckster made stops for his new book. BTW, dude sure does write a lot. Anyhoop… says that the trips and or schedule have nothing to do with 2012… riiiiight… *wink wink*… *nudge nudge*… (ginormous smirk) Yeah… and BREAKING NEWS… I love West Des Moines… Loves me some West DeMo… Yeah… its great… I do everything there… yeah… Its my favorite… WRONG.

So yeah… who’s gonna buy my book when it comes out? It will be awesome… Epic. I mean… probably the worst book ever… I mean.. worst for you… kids will be trying to read it behind adults backs… Yeah that awesome… and I told you… PICTURES!!! Lots and lots and lots of pictures!!!!! It will be epic…

Plus, have no fear… on my book tour… You can totally buy as many as you want…. And I’ll sign em all… I’ll even personalize them… hell… you want a stick figure drawing on it… I’ll do it… of course… this will all cost you extra…

More news to come on my epic book...

Until then… Stay thirsty friends... and crank this…