Sometimes we do have some breaking news and journalistic value for all of you. Today, the QCI Newsroom has obtained a copy of a Blackberry Messenger or "BBM" conversation from the Establishment. (insert spooky music here) Yes, THE Establishment. The ones who run, everything.
The numerous sources we have followed up with... all confirm that this is really how everything is decided.
Here's the chilling BBM transcript...
Waspy Smithfield – They really need to know who’s in charge around here.
Tanner Jones – Agreed. They will crawl back for our help.
Waspy Smithfield – Hey, do you want to meet in the smoke filled back room later today?
Tanner Jones - Hmmm… Maybe. I have a meeting at the UN. Then I have to see if my black helicopter is fixed.
Tanner Jones – So upsetting when it breaks down. It’s such a chore.
Waspy Smithfield – I know, right?! If people knew how hard it was to be the establishment, they would understand.
Tanner Jones – Totally. It’s tough being important.
Waspy Smithfield – That’s OK, we can meet tomorrow. I need to finalize my plans to start the next war for oil.
Tanner Jones – Did you get your Skull and Bones Reunion invite in the mail?
Tanner Jones – Which blazer are you going to wear? Blue or blue?
Waspy Smithfield – Yes, of course. I’m going with blue.
Waspy Smithfield – I’m also going to make a motion we change the secret handshake to something else. You know… everyone knows it’s a handshake and all.
Tanner Jones – That’s terrific. But, I for one am not much for change. Call me elitist and all.
Waspy Smithfield – You damn country clubber!
Tanner Jones – LOL! Good one!
Tanner Jones – Not to be on your ass about it, but are you done with the list of candidates we are going to throw our money behind yet?
Waspy Smithfield – I’m a little hung up with on how to start this war. But I did finish the list of who’s allowed to run.
Tanner Jones – Delicious. You know you can’t just throw these primaries overnight. These things take a little time.
Tanner Jones – Hang on a minute. Karl Rove is calling me.
Waspy Smithfield – Perfect. Tell him “all golden girls and boys fly by the seat of their swords”… He’ll know what that means.
Tanner Jones – Message delivered.
Waspy Smithfield – Ruling the world is fun.
Tanner Jones – It so is. SOMEONE has to do the thinking around here.
Waspy Smithfield – *thumbs up*
Trust no one, loyal readers. Trust no one.