Urgh... yeah... me and this ice crap have been totally fighting. I know I'm pretty clumbsy by nature... but, I was starting to think someone is messing with me... with freaking ice all over... but not anymore. I own the effing ice now... After some cuts and a ton of bruises... I decided to fight back... and slap... nah... freaking take this ice behind the woodshed. Yups... busted out my high school baseball metal cleats yesterday... here's how it goes down...So... went to my closet... grabbed the cleats... man... they are still in great shape! As I started to put them on... The one part of my brain... the somewhat brighter part... starts telling me... "Yeah, nice one. You think this is smart? Dude... you're gonna break something. This is one of your ideas that always look great on paper... then it's an epic fail. You're gonna break your freaking neck. Or die." But the other side of my brain... the side that came up with the idea... I call... the awesome side of my brain... is like, "Dude, eff it. It's go time." Then the brighter side says... "Sweet... here comes more brain damage. G$, you know its my side that gets hit the worst... when you do stuff like this. FML"
I replied to both sides of my brain... as I channeled my inner Samuel L. Jackson... via Snakes on the Plane... "Enough is enough! I have had it with this m..... ....... ice on this m..... ....... sidewalk! Brain, let's do this!"
Somewhat smarter side goes, "Awe crap..." Then the awesome side goes, "HELL YESSSS!!!!"
And it was on.
So I laced up my cleats... took a deep breath... opened my door... and started up my icy stairs...
*click clack... click clack...*
So far.... so good... then down the other stairs
*click clack... click clack...*
Yeah... this is when the awesome side of my brain cranks the Rocky theme....
Then I observe the rest of the peeps in the 'hood... getting their cars out... taking walks... All going in super duper slowmo...
Me?
Freaking full speed. Doing cart wheels... old football drills... coming to complete stops... Doing the Humpty Dance... all on one inch iced sidewalks... and not freaking falling... at all. Complete domination. Then... I laughed in the face of the ice. "Hahahahaha! Who sucks? You suck ice!" Even cranky squirrel who lives in the tree by my window... walked up to the ice and said, "p0wn3d."
Then I go, "Now make me a sandwich, Ice!" And the ice was all like, "Yessir."
Um, you didn't know that some random things talk in Sherman Hill? Totally do.
After ten tuna sandwiches later... in celebration of my ice domination... I declared sweet sweet victory... It was effing epic. I swear to God I heard "We Are The Champions" whistling throught the trees on 16th Street last night. Not gonna lie... did a few victory laps... it was so awesome. Alright... Enough about of my bouts with ice and dealing with what others may call... "being slow"... let's get to other stuff...
CAUCUS TOMORROW - QCI-ders... make sure you hit your Caucus... you could be deciding an election in a few races... Starts at 1pm... to find where your Caucus is... click here.
SCOTUS AND MONEY - As we chirped a little bit about yesterday, The Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS), called the ban on corporate contributions... unconstitutional... yeah... total game changer. But I'm gonna wait and see. Yes, this is a victory for free speech... but I don't think the opponents of this are gonna... give up so easy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUTS - Yeah... two of my favorite people are partying today... big ups to loyal QCI-der and my best pal Chad Sealine... what are you now, 56? (smirk). If this were back in the day... totally would score you a Mello Yello at Harlans after school. Epic. Also, my little niece Ainsley turns 3 today! She is so awesome... She freaking called me the other night... per her report, "Uncle Grant. It's cold in Missouri. You coming to my birthday? We will have chocolate cake!" Someone alert the Kearney, MO authorities... the Youngs are coming down to party.
AND FINALLY... In honor of Ice Domination... how about our favorite version of the song, Domination... by those fellas from Pantera... What stinks like a whata whata? Crank it. Stay thirsty...
