Jeez Lousie... you say one bad Tweet about the State Fair and it's like I said something bad about someone's mother. I know... I'm weird, but I think I can explain... and maybe ther is hope for me that will please the State Fair maniacs.
PEOPLE FREAK OUT - When I tell them this. As a loyal reader told me, "Crappy food, booze, politicians, John Deere, live tunes. What's not to love?" I reply back with, "I hate the Fair." Then the loyal reader says, "I think I'm sad to hear you say that. It breaks a little piece of my heart. The happiest guy around, hates the Fair." That hit a little home for me. Yeah man, the Fair should totally be my schtick. I mean all of the stuff mentioned above. It's on the Eastside. I used to have a mullet. This would seem like a G$ paradise. But... after thinking about it. I figured out why I hate the fair.
STUPID POLITICS - Urgh... so... like for 10 years or so... I had to work the GOP booth. And a lot of times... multiple days. It's too much. This is what broke me on the fair. Listen, working a shift, one shift is great. But numerous days... and people wanting free shit... here's where I lose it...
Random Mooch: Hey, is this pen free, bud?
Me: No, numb nuts. I'm using it to register you and others to vote.
Random Mooch: Awe man... Now I'm not voting for you now.
Me: Really, because you didn't get a free pen?
Random Mooch: Yea, bud. Everything else is free.
Me: Oh well, uh... I hear they're testing tack hammers around the corner. They're giving away free hits in the head.
Random Mooch: Cool, bud. I'll check it out. Thanks, bud!
Yeah. Adds to the hate. Every year I'd work it... I would have a buddy call, "Hey man! Hitting the Bud Tent around 6, you in?" I'll be like, "Sure, that's when my shift is done. In." Then 6 rolls around. I just go home. Yes. I skipped out on beer. I know. Disturbing. But... seriously. Too burnt out on the Fair for beer. See, told you. Not good.
MORE STUFF I DISLIKE - On top of the just working... it's usually hot. I got sick from being to hot there a time or two. Yes. Drink more water, got it. I'm a cold weather guy I guess. Then... stuff is expensive. Especially when you're there multiple days... to work it. I know, these are small bitches... but just adds to it.
STUFF I DO LIKE - I guess hate is too strong of a word. I mean... the food is awesome... the beer, always ice cold. I used to set a corn dog and pork chop budget. And I totally had a great time at the Journey concert way back when. I alwaysscore decent Hawkeye gear and posters from the U of I booth. So there are things I like.
I HAVE SOMETHING SHOCKING TO ADMIT - So many of you know. I kind of have a street cred on knowing stuff around here. I can name every county and their county seat. Tell you the good small town joints and bars to hit. Places you must see. But, I'll admit. Never seen the Butter Cow... you know... and the other must see things. I have seen the big pig with the huge menards... I bet he has a very high self esteem with thems things. So yea... I guess... I've never really done the Fair.
MAYBE THERE IS HOPE FOR ME AND THE FAIR - I have taken a break from the Fair since leaving politics. I just don't go... and I say I hate it. It's a very childish notion. It's like when I used to not eat mushrooms... and said I hate them. Simply because I never tried them. Maybe... just maybe I should just go to the Fair. Give it a legit shot. I mean... there's all sorts of G$-ish things that I would dig... I don't have to work it... I may even enjoy it. I mean... one of my favorite oldies bands is playing it this year... the Buckinghams... so maybe...
Hmm.... Maybe this could be my very own Sam I Am moment...
Alright. I will give it a shot. I'm going to do the Fair. But I need experienced peeps help. Seriously guys, I've never done the thing. Just worked. Who want's to go with me? Who has the tips of things I gotta hit?
Hit up the comment section... and stay thirsty my friends.