I John Kerry'd on the State Fair...

OK... I so a lot of things have changed since I posted last. My good pal Wes convinced me that I should give the State Fair a... "fair shake"... oh look, I punned. Anyways, I took him up on it. This is when I had my Green Eggs and Ham moment with the Fair... here's how it goes down.

Hey! Let's go to the Fair!

We shall drink beers and have loads of fun!
You in for the Eastside? C'mon son!

I don't like the State Fair, Wes,
I hate the State Fair, Wes-I-am.
When I went, I always had to work,
I'd get way too hot wearing a button down shirt.

Working numerous days I did not enjoy,
Spending too much money on food, oh boy!
I would get overheated in the sun,
Working there numerous days was not so much fun.

They would ask, hey, is this pen was for free?
I'd say No! No! You leave me be.
I'd listen to Clifford singing over and over again,
My mind would scream, Lord, please make this end!

I so dislike the Fair, my friend Wes,
I would rather go out in a poke-a-dot dress.

I would not go there if BB King were singin the blues,
I would not go there escorted with Elizabeth Shue.
I will not go for the food of the Fair,
I would not go to see the '85 Bears.
I will not go there on a fast jet,
I would not go there to see George Brett.
I will not go there to scope out hot chicks,
I do not care about your pork chops on a stick.
I will not roll to the Eastside,
I will not go even if you drive.
I will not go there even if you can smoke,
I will not go there to see the Pope!
I will not go there to rock out to '80s bands,
I would not go there with hundreds of dollars in my hand.
I so much dislike the Fair, so much this is clear,
I will not, would not go if they had free beer.

I do not like the Iowa State Fair!

I do not like it, Wes-I-Am.

You hate the State Fair, so you say,
You're not working it now, so try, try it if you may.
You might like it and all the libations,
You will like it with zero work obligations.

Wes, I don't know,
With all the food and all the shows.
It may be a wash, I don't know,
It’s been a while since I had to go.

I don't have to work it and this is true,
I still find it hard to believe you.

I find it hard to believe you, Wes-I-Am.

You will like it, these are your people,
This is your Church with the things and the steeple.
We shall go tonight and it will be fun,
Cold beer, fried food and much less sun.

Wes-I-Am, if I go and don't like it, will that be fine?
I don’t like it but it sounds like a good time.


So I will take you up on this trek,
Can’t promise I’ll like it, I won’t make any bets.



I just saw 7 people wearing Metallica shirts,
Wait, hear those cars racing in the dirt?
I’m starting to see why there is so much fuss,
Dude, check out the pig with the ginormous nuts.

I’m having a good time, Wes-I-Am!
I’m even rocking out to the Buckinghams!
It’s much more much fun when you don’t have to work,
No dealing with the freeloaders and loud mouth jerks.

I ate two things of cheese curds and didn’t get sick,
I ate six! Six pork chops on stick!
Dude in a mullet, man that’s some sweet hair,
Wes, I’m think I’m starting to like the State Fair.

I do!

I like the Iowa State Fair!

And I would go, could go during a storm,
I would go could go if it was a little warm.
I will get my Hawkeye poster and do the carnie rides,
How could I have doubted fun on the Eastside!
I will go would there even with tobacco to chew,
I could only hope I could go with Elizabeth Shue.
I would go to the Fair on any chance,
I would go there in my Nantucket Red pants.
I would go to see all the animals and critters,
I would go and eat two or three more pork fritters!
I would go could go everyday,
I’d even consider going there with John Elway.
How could I hate this with so many blinders?
How could I dislike anything that serves guinea grinders?
I have to admit Wes, the State Fair is great,
I’ll even drink the big beers for dollars of eight!
The mix of the crowd is so eclectic,
The State Fair is do I dare say, epic.

Wes-I-am, you are a good friend,
Fun like the Fair should never end.
You changed my mind, I changed my stand,
Thank you, Thank you, Wes-I-Am.