1, 2, 3... Go? 1, 2, 3... Go.

Alright, alright... we gots a LG candidate. All sorts of stuff happening before we start Convention Weekend...

Peeps are decending on the DeMo...

Let's do dis...

ENTER KIM REYNOLDS - Yups, State Senator from Osceola is in the game... The Tex Mexes hit... and here she is. Good pick. There's a certain curiosity from the grassroots. A good one curiosity... they want to get to know her... are finding out a lot about here today... and from what I'm seeing... the more they learn and meet her... the more the love her.
LEAKS - Yeah... saw that some of you were a little cranky about that... uh... get over yourselves... this happens every time. It's how it works.
DEMOCRAT RESPONSE - Uh... remember what I was talking about last night? About their tweets? Nothing today. Nothing at all. Seriously?! Oh, sorry... there was a mid afternoon press conference with Patty Judge. I'm gonna say it. FAIL.
A LITTLE TOO COCKY - (hahaha cocky) Anyways... one thing I noticed today... other than the lack of anything coming from the loyal opposition... was the snarky and extremely over confident messages from democrats. Really? You all are talking a pretty good game for having a standard bearer who's down 26 points. But hey... keep it up. While you all are sleeping in while major announcements are being made... the good guys will be up and at 'em. Can we drop off some coffee? Say around 10:30 when you guys roll in? Maybe some Casey's Donuts? Oh, yeah... you're not supposed to eat those. My bad...


"So and so... Skort, skirt in the front, shorts in the back. It' like a mullet for your butt!"

What a minute. Not sure what to think of this... but if you say mullet in your status... you're tango sucka.

KNOCK IT OFF GRASSLEY AND HARKIN - Yeah... knock it the eff off. Listen I actually like you both... but seriously... The Big Ten? LEAVE. IT. THE. EFF. ALONE. Just stop. They don't have to show you shit. Really? What do you think the Big Ten is... Big Tobacco? I secretly wish they were that strong. You wanna see their plans? Urgh... They don't have to show you nothin'. They really don't. Mind your own business... oh... and hey... how about that oil spill in the Gulf? Is that still going on? Work on that.
STATE CONVENTION TIME - As I said, the peeps will be rolling into town tomorrow afternoon... Is there going to be impending drama? You asking me? I say no. And I feel a little more stronger about that today than I ever have. Look at the list of endorsements and statements today. Yeah... that's a solid bunch. The editor of the World's Crappiest Blog will be there. So stay tuned for horrible updates from yours truly.
BVP - Alright... I thought he was going on WHO on Thursday... it's Friday... What will he say? For all of this talk of a convention push... Why would you be on the air when most folks will be filing into the Iowa Events Center? We shall see what happens tomorrow.

AND FINALLY... For some reason I feel like a little Rusty Cage... Crank it... Stay thirsty my friends...


Everything is Happening in the 91st Minute... in Iowa.

Starting to get a little heated around here... And I'm not talking about the weather, QCI-ders. I'm Talking about the heated drama as we build up to the State Convention. Tons of stuff... Let's get to it.

ZAUN IS UP - Whoah... Nelly! Wow. This is impressive. Now before you begin shouting at me that Victory Enterprises did the poll... Remember this... They did one during the primary... And how'd that end up? Oh yeah... Just sayin.
YOU DON'T ARGUE POLLS - I don't care what side you are on. It is the most desperate thing you can do. #badjoboutofyou Team GMLB....
DUELING ADS - Well the Culver peeps and Branstad peeps didn't take that long. Not surprising... When you're getting you ass kicked... You might as well go negative right away... You know... To cover up your record... It's all good Gov Culver... That's just how you roll. Hopefully rolling out of Terrace Hill in January.
THE NITTY GRITTY - Yeah... talk about high drama. This LG stuff? We'll find out here in a bit. Who's it gonna be? Yeah... well unless you're sitting under a rock. All roads are leading to State Senator Kim Reynolds. "BUT G$!!! THEY ARE ANNOUNCING IN ANKENY!!! DUDE!!!" Take off the tin foil hats, friends. But who knows? My educated guess is Reynolds.
CYCLES - It just really goes to show you... after all of the huffing and puffing we did here and everywhere else... LG picks don't really make or break campaigns in this state. I know... I know... I preached last week about it... but I've come to that realization about politics... as much as the cutting edge things that can happen... breaking news and such... there's a reason why political science courses are glorified history classes... because politics is a cyclical reacurring things of history. Oh, there are exceptions to the case. But in this case... its the circle of life Simba.
YOU'RE FULL OF CRAP G$ - You wanna know how I know that LG picks aren't that big of a deal? If you take a look at the history of picks on both sides as well put by O. Kay Henderson... the only difference you get in 2006. And that became more of a clash of egos behind the scenes than it did about uniting the party. You don't believe me? Look at the Nussle/Vander Plaats signs post primary. How many times did you see the signs/logo change? Are you following me yet? Egos are amazing things sometimes.


"So and so...had BLT's last night. best sandwich ever. I cant stop thinking about them. They were so good, once i was full, i just started rubbing them all over myself. I got BLT'd!!!"

Uh... moving on...

USA USA USA USA - Wow... did you you all catch that goal? Just when I thought they were going to lose Americans on this whole, when you tie a game... that was a win, bit.... Something like this happens. Bring on the Germans!
STATE CONVENTION TALK - Yeah... peeps seem to be chirping about this. You heard it here first. Nothing is gonna happen. Who ever the pick is... will be confirmed. Unanimously. Do you know who runs these things? Here's a hint... not the IFPC... not the Campaign of Liberty... ands not Tea Party folk. Love it or hate it... the ICA runs the shop... and they put on a clinic when it comes to conventions. Why I say nothing isn't gonna happen? Um, Steve Scheffler endorsed Branstad after the primary. He's the National Committeeman. He is not going to embarrass or the party when it comes to this type of stuff. Hey... those peeps can be sneaky... but they ain't stupid.
PET PEAVE ALERT - It's been burning at me... so... I figure since I have this outlet to vent... and maybe get a message out... I'll be feeling Chevy Chase about it. Lately... I've been bothered by a couple things.... 1) A lot of lazy reporting by local television newsrooms in our media market. 2) People speaking on the authority of a subject, when they have NO EFFING STANDING TO BE TALKING ABOUT IT! Drives me insane. It's been making me throw things at my televison. So can you people doing this make it stop? Thank you so much.
BOBBY V - There's a lot of chirping going on about Bob Vander Plaats. In fact he'll be on WHO Radio tomorrow afternoon at 5pm. Interesting. Is he going 3rd party? You're guess is as good as mine. Here's my 3 guesses.... 1) He announces he's running or not 2) He says he is still in the decision making 3) he's starting a new PAC or organization. But that's my gut... Want your interesting fact of the day? Took BVP 3 runs for Governor to just get past the percentage that Bill Salier got in 2002. Don't even know what that means... but just thought it was interesting.
POLLS AND ADS - We talked about this already in this post. But wanted to throw this out there. I really want to know how the other side is doing on fundraising right now. I find it very telling. Take for example... the new darling of the grassroots... Brenna Findley. She has a ton more cash than Tom Miller. I think the Ds on the down ticket races are... sandbagging it. I tell you what. If I were a Dem and a part of all that stuff... And when you're standard bearer... the guy who is the top of your ticket is 26 points down... I'd be at effing DEFCON 1 over on Fleur Drive. Just sayin'...
TWITTER CONSISTENCY - What a difference a year and half makes... Now, I'm not trying to get cocky here... But hear me out. I've noticed something between all of the punch counter punch stuff going on between Culver/Branstad... RPI/IDP... when it comes to Twitter stuff... communications... The otherside isn't that great at it. Especially on Twitter. Hell @desmoinesdem is doing a better job 10 times over than a "well trained" political communication operatives. Seriously. Their tweets are almost like they feel like they have to be there instead of embracing it. And yes, I know of other State Democrat parties that do very well at it. Just something I noticed.
WILL THE REAL KRUSTY KONSERVATIVE PLEASE STAND UP - Please stand up... please stand up. This fake letter... fake email... fake facebook account shit... needs to stop. Grow a pair of balls. I know whoever is posing as Hershel... ain't the Hershel we all know and love. I'm not only talking about these mysterious packages and such... there's other peeps who have been doing it... and get this friends... this is 2010... not 1998. If you're gonna run a scam... how about offering some lottery winnings from a foreign country. Cool? Alright.

AND FINALLY... You make a Slim Shady reference... and you gotta play it. Play on players... and in 12 hours... we will officially know. Stay thirsty my friends.


Orenthal James Culver...

Just when I think stuff gets a little slow... It picks up... How about a little Humpday (hahaha Hump...) Dose of random stuff. Freaking QCI crappy news room is getting a lot of stuff.

PA POW!!!! Ka bayam! Holy effing crap, you see this poll? Wow. Branstad starts out a week since winning the nomination with a 26 point lead. Yes... We have a very long way to go... But I didn't think it was that bad... But wait... It gets even more awesome...
FEDERAL MONEY THINGER - Yeah.. So looks like this whole mismanagement deal is kind of Culver's schtick. The funny thing... Well I guess not funny like a clown... But the dude sez he's gonna fight back. Thanks for playing Governor Culver.
ALL IS WELL - Yeah... So Big Lug today sez... "Dude, these polls aren't always right. The margins were very different in the polls than they were in the Primary... Hahaha (wipes sweat of his forehead).. Nah Dude... I'm good dogg." Really Man? Is that a $100,000 ad buy you just did the past couple of days? Again... we appreciate you being here.
ARGUING WITH POLLS - I'm seeing a whole bunch of professional pollsters out there... who knew we had so many experts? Yeah... I'm not an expert at all... that's why these firms make the big bucks... But one thing I do know... Don't argue about them. They are what they are... and if you begin to argue about a poll you start to look desperate. Just saying.


"So and so... Learning life lessons while doing yardwork. I have learned that alcohol, shorts and weed whacking do not mix."

Ouch. Just Ouch.

STRAIGHT UP CLASS IN THE 3RD - Looks like there a whole lot of candidates and politicians that could learn a lot from from the fellas in the 3rd District. All 6 former primary opponents endorsed Brad Zaun. I heard it was a great vibe in the room and Zaun was on fire. I hope there are other folks in races who didn't fair as well as they want to in the primary... take notice of this.
AND FINALLY... Something about a Billy Joel song that puts you in a good mood... Stay thirsty my friends...


Ask a question and I'll give horrible answers...

Alright... What did we on Monday Nights before 24? Urgh... Soon... Say I'll the same thing about Monday Night Football. Again... I'm just about a predictable as you can get.

Well maybe I'll answer some of the fan mail we receive here at QCI HQ on Monday nights. OK... Yeah, I know... This will just change when... I a... Well, you know how long features last here...

So how about we just answer the mail bag and if the five of you who read this ask more questions... Maybe we'll do this again next Monday night... Oh and if any of you foreign blog comment spammers have a question you would like me answer... Or offer me your million dollar lottery winnings... Email me at grantyoung72@hotmail.com.

Ok... Your questions... For real, I'll leave the names out... To protect the innocent...

G$, you cover a lot of topics. But your sport references are hard to follow. Can you fix that?
Really? The sports references? I know. I will try... But dude... I'm a dude... This is what me and buddies chirp about. Its like a little language we all speak. But here's something to help you. Check the sports page once in a while. Cool you're set.

G, you're an insider. Who's your pick for Lt Governor?
First, quit calling me an insider. That kind of sounds... Well creepy. Hard telling. I know crappy answer. Sorry. As it was said in the Gameday post... These TEB guys are putting on a clinic. We'll find out soon.

Grant, are you ever going to grow up?
Gonna answer this with a question. What's growing up these days? No way, ma'am. I just want to get to a point where I can roll with Keith Richards... Basically... Get on the cover of Rolling Stone... Hang out with a babe way out of my league on red carpet premieres... Hit SNL... Then if I get the said babe out of my league to roll with me... Maybe a Malibu house on the coast... Maybe one in Clear Lake or Okoboji... I know some peeps there... Then get a Southfork Ranch type of joint in God's Country... Of course with a massive, epic garage. Then... Maybe throw an epic tailgate with my pals at Hawkeye or Chiefs games... Oh, and then write a check to the Church that insures that we have a priest at Good Shepherd Parish in Jewell... For life. Then write another check to make NIACC a small state university similar to Northwest Missouri State... Bring back the football program. And then... Maybe get a wiener dog. Nah, two... Butch and Sundance. To me... That's what a grown up G$ would do. Is that really grown up? Who knows... I think that's my idea of making it rather than growing up... So, I'll keep you posted on that.

Yo G! When's the book coming out?
Bwahahahahahahaha! Soon. Stay thirsty on that one. Lots of cool stuff coming on this.

Dude, what's with the Twitters? You're crazy!
Um, the twitters are epic. Give me a follow friends... @grantyoung72. Yeah, my football number. Yeah, I'm that dork.

G$, Big Ten is the Big 12 and the Big 12 is the Big Ten. What gives?
Dude... There's only one Big Ten. Check yo self fool. Child please. I wanna know how many times Texas has called Missouri and Iowa State to get him a sandwich?

Grant, how do you come up with this stuff?
When I find out, I'll let you know. Stuff just happens. Sorry, did I tell you I'm a dork? First part is admitting it.

Dude, I know you love music. What's you're favorite?
Uh... Man this is a tough one. Because I like everything. I love me some 60s. Call it my weird epic upbringing. While the cool kids were listening to Q102... I was jamming to KIOA as a kid. I loves me some one hit wonders. But it was cool that some old dude told me once that I would have done well in the 60s... So I got that going for me...

G, do you have a favorite Democrat?
Yes, two. I don't hate anybody... Unless they wore a Denver Bronco uniform. I effing hate those bastards. Gotta go with Paul Wellstone and Tom Harkin. Shocker. I know. Now I know this gonna be weird... And I don't agree with a helluva lot with them. But here me out. Wellstone, because he actually believed what he was saying. I know... I don't agree with him... But love the fact he believed what he believed. Harkin? Uh, he was at my Grandfather's funeral... We prolly aren't gonna agree on anything. But... To this day... Anytime he sees my Grandma at an event... He says nice things about Grandpa Uthe. And she smiles. So good job Senator.

OK... So... That's all I'm answering tonight... More to come. Stay thirsty my friends. Oh and why not crank some Gerry Rafferty? OK good.


Happiness is a Blackberry...

Holy balls QCI-ders. What a weekend. While I was getting epic with all the peeps at Jewell Jubilee... It was just a weekend of random. Let me explain the ways...

I'M BACK ON THE GRID - Yeah... The pain is over and the joy returns! Oh sweet sweet Blackberry. Let's never fight again.
LG UPDATE - Judging by your emauls err emails... It hit a nerve... And a lot of you agree. Not that I have any inside info on it... Yet... But, my gut tells me we find out this week. Also, remember that whole bit about people guessing who they WANT vs who it SHOULD be? Yeah... it's already starting. And not gonna lie... it's getting a little annoying.
IS QCI NSFW? You know I'm not sure, but when I ask my sister, "Hey, you see my post?" She says, "Grant, I can read that shit at work. You need to watch the language." OK, she didn't say shit... But I get what she's saying.
WORLD CUP FEVER - Never thought I'd ever blog about soccer... But dayam. I gotta tell ya. Loving the horns! And the eery sound. Amazing. That US/England match? The best tweets I read during the opening deal during the national anthems...

1) Why are they singing the wrong words to "My Country Tis of Thee"?
2) Hey England! You listening to our anthem? Its about us kicking your ass! Get ready. <-- Epic.

"So and so... the up side, i went to Dead Lobster for lunch. the down side, my waitresses breath smelled like a used diaper filled with indian food. totally ruined my chedder buscuits."

ROB TULLY AND THE CROSSOVERS - Sounds like a decent band name... But... Sources within the Democratic Party and sources close to QCI are chirping about Election Day cross overs. An organized effort of getting Ds to cross over to vote in the Republican Primary for anyone other than Branstad. Am I surprised? Nah. But I am surprised on a few things. That there are some Ds within the party that aren't happy about it and the operation that Tully has been running. While I get what they are trying to do... I find it as a huge waste of time and resources. At least if I was a D, I would think it is. No one is thinking about this, but guess what... You just got a bunch of Ds to vote Republican for the first time. And there's a lot of them... Who are gonna think... It didn't feel so bad doing it... They may do it again in the Fall. Just saying.
KARL ROVE IN IOWA - Thursday, yours truly was at the Rove event in West Des Moines. Yes, I had enough sunscreen and holy water on me to survive the event... Because I spent a lot of time in West Des Moines... Anyways... Great event... I was feeling all sorts of nostalgia... It was held in the same hotel where I first met the former Texas Governor. But hey there QCI-ders... Pick up Karl's book. One great part of the book is page 138 where the late great legendary Luke Roth gets a mention. Oh Luke... I miss you a lot. Tons. And our party is missing you too. I hope we are making you proud. I wish you were still here. You'd be loving this cycle. Watch over us and give us strength. I love you man.
EPIC NEW BLOG - OK peeps... we gots a new one to add to the LBC. The Flyover Foodie. For reals. A loyal reader and one of our favorite people Noreen Otto has a new blog that's gonna keep you starving all day. It's her adventures of cooking and small town living.

AND FINALLY - Sometimes I can't believe I forget how awesome things are. Perfect example... Pantera. Stay thirsty my friends.


So who is the Lieutenant Governor of the Big Ten Conference?

I must be easy to read… not this blog I mean. My grammar… spelling and really the abuse of the English language is… well… epic. What I mean is… and I’ll admit it. I’m pretty predictable. Case in point, I was just scoring a burger and watching game of 6 in the battle for Lord Stanley’s chalice before I wrote this very horrible take... And my buddy says, “Dude, you gotta be like lovin’ this time of year.” I asked why do ya say that? He says, “Dude, elections… Celtics… Hockey… and this Big Ten expansion talk. Dude, you’re like a junkie with this stuff.” My pal has a point. And yes, in general, the people I hang out with… start every sentence with… dude. I really can’t get enough of this stuff.

Remember that part where I have a hard time keeping up with my brain? It’s in effing hyper mode right now. Here’s the stuff I could only catch.

EVERYONE IS AN EXPERT – Yups… you know what I’m talking about. Like when Iowans became gymnastic authorities when Shawn Johnson was doing her thing in Bejing… everyone has an opinion on this stuff. What am I talking about? The LG watch. Every Tom, Dick and Harry out there has an idea or a favorite… a lot of these names are the usual suspects.

I get asked these questions a lot so… I’ll just answer it. “Who is Terry Branstad going to pick to be his Lieutenant Governor?” Which is a tricky question when you ask this to politicos… Because I think their answers become more of WHO they would like it to be… rather than who it SHOULD be or what is the political slam dunk. So if you will allow me to join this rat race… here’s my take. A lot to break down on this… so bear with me.

First, Branstad is going to pick HIS choice. There will be no groups or others making him pick someone. And trust me. He will make a good one. Let me fill you in on something… Terry Branstad is one of the smartest, politically savvy people you will meet. If you don’t think so… again… you have a Kool Aid mustache. I have never met a guy who locks in more information. Names… facts… details. He’s an effing machine. Ok, not like a robot… he’s just that good. He has a knack for this stuff… you don’t stay in office as long as he has he wasn’t. It’s just a fact. What I’m saying is that he’s his own guy… he will make his own pick.

Next question, who? This is where the list gets long. It’s also a case of who really really wants to be on the ticket. There’s a ton of business type names. Electeds and former electeds. The wild card super duper rich folks who get named (insert egos here)… this is when the talk gets crazier than the college conference expansion. Like I said… the chirping becomes who people want… not just who it should be.

Now… who do I think it should be? Names? I have my ideas… but I do believe there is a profile. They say this a lot in elections… and usually it doesn’t come true… but this year is the exception. This pick is ginormous. I’m not saying that because it’s the difference between winning and losing this thing. It’s huge because what we have at stake… both politically and for the State itself.

My thought process on most of this stuff is a process of elimination. First. I’m not sold we need a “business person”. You know what I mean? There’s always the talk on our side of the aisle that we need to run Government like a business. I used to think the same way. But my position on this has morphed to this idea of… no we don’t… in fact we shouldn’t. Dudes… tell me a business that is exactly like government? Sure there are business principles to be applied all around. Namely… in the customer service part… but that’s a whole other rant. Anyways… take the business types off the list. Sorry guys… but I’m effing serious. Take ‘em off. We don’t need a LG who needs on the job training when it comes to the ins and outs of state government… and politics in general. Call me what you want… but if you can't answer how many state reps are in the Iowa House without flinching… or know the current seats held by each party... or need a crash course in Iowa political history… thank you for playing.

So what do we need? If and when Branstad wins (knock on wood)… You are gonna need a person who knows State Government. But because that’s where the rub is. Budgets to be cut. Departments to reorganize… Negotiations… Knowing what we or they really need. How it’s done. Some pretty serious stuff calls for a serious candidate.

I can already hear some of you pounding on your keyboard ready to call me names. “G$ yous one of thems big ole governorment liberal republicans and you like to punch puppies!!!” Governorment? What? Effing aye John Deere right I’m NOT a big governorment blah blah blah heartless meth smoking Denver Broncos fan who beats animals type of a liberal... Seriously kids.

Is you car broke down? You should totally ask me to fix it. Yeah, because this is where I fail my Pops and my motorhead friends… I can barely change a tire. Now if you need 65 grilled cheeses eaten in a Community College Cafeteria in one sitting? Dial up my phone suckas. Need a transmission redone? You call my homeboy Nick up at Higgin’s Auto Plaza on the northside of town. He’s the best mechanic in the DeMo... I’m just saying. Experience matters on this thing. So Governor Branstad and team… you should take me off the list for possible LG… I know jack squat about state government... I just know it’s a mess. But… if you ever have a grilled cheese-a-thon or wanna score a Philly Steak at Louie D’s… I can be of service. Again, it’s because I’m a giver.

Now… the elephant in the room on this pick. (oh lookie lookie… I made a funny political pun… amazing)… Yeah man, oh yeah… whoever he picks, is gonna be the person who will the front runner once Terry is done. So that opens everything wide open there… but this question gets you back to the whole original idea and job description of what a Lieutenant Governor. If something would happen… could he or she serve as Governor. Then comes the post political angle… could he or she be the standard bearer of the party Again… this whole bit starts to get about as bat shit crazy as the college conference expansion rumor mill.

So what’s the G$ pick for Terry Branstad? Who Branstad wants. And my formula for a great pick? Younger, but not too young… knows state government and the experience of it… could be the party standard bearer… and could be governor.

And just like that… the frenzy begins. But I can confirm one thing for you amongst the rumors. No… the Heart of Iowa Activities Conference did not send invitations to Northeast Hamilton to join. I can confirm for a fact. No way the folks from Gilbert or Roland or Story City want to travel to the arm pits of Hamilton County… Awe… the sweet sweet arrogance of the HOIAC. Brings a smile to my face.

Stay thirsty my friends.


Breaking News - The Rumors are true... I'm Joining the Big Ten.

Yes... after a long long talk with friends, family and people that I really trust... I've decided to join the Big Ten. So get this Baylor, you can suck on that! I don't even know what that means... but we'll get to that in a minute.

Freaking Primary Night was fun. Good to see so many loyal readers and a lot of my favorite people. Pretty effing awesome that #goodjoboutofyou and #epic are going mainstream in Iowa Politics. Oh and the final verdict on the last Gameday post? Yeah... it was a little edgy. A little long... but epic. This year's writers effing knocked it out of the park. Yeah... some of the bits are probably something you wouldn't read a loud inside St. John's Basillica... but we never claimed to be here at the World's Crappiest Blog. We're sorry... we're sorry we're awesome.

So we're officially in the General Election. Let's get a little random to get caught up. So many things going...

ABOUT LAST NIGHT - Yeah... No real surprises in the Primaries... unless you look to the 2nd and 3rd. Holy blow outs Batman! Just goes to show what name ID and a good ground game will do for you. No Virginia, there will be no conventions. Which is a good deal for the party as a whole.
MOOD OF THE ELECTORATE - Last night proved what I have been saying for a long time about the Tea Party stuff. It's not as strong or this massive movement as people think. At least not hear in Iowa (and judging by results elsewhere). Don't get me wrong. I love these guys... support what they're saying... all that stuff. But it's not organized in a way the media and others make it to be... say like the Evangelicals/Christian Alliance types. Before you send your hate mail... hear me out. Tea Party types are independent by nature... Very Libertarian. Thus hard to organize or stay all on the same page. Where as your Evangelicals/ICA types... I'm just saying its easier to organize a church than it is to organize a mob. Again, I'm not saying that the Tea Party isn't realivent... it's just not the end all be all in this thing. And anyone else telling you that it is? Has a Kool Aid mustache.
NO I'M NOT IGNORING YOU, I'M IN COMMUNICATION HELL - Urgh... dammit. For those of you who know me best. Most of you think I sleep with my phone... take a shower with my phone... and whatever weird freaky deaky things you think I do with a phone? Yeah... you think I do that. Sickos. It's just the way I am. I know a lot of people. I like most of them... so therefore I like communicating with them. Hence if you've been BBMing me... you're sending them... well... to me... but here's the thing. I'll explain...

For those of you who don't know and as a special public service announcement for you slow ones up in Story City.... Coffee and Blackberries do not like each other. At. All. For real. I got one on its way... its just... completely blows goats. And not even having it on Election Night. Yeah I know... not on effing Election Night. And who's fault is it? Yeah, I'm looking at you Nebraska... way to ruin everything... Nah... seriously, for all of you who know me well... I agree with you, I can't believe this doesn't happen to me more often. There's a lot of times... if you want something totally screwed up... call me. I'm very good at it... and I'm an expert at the ridiculous.

Meanwhile I can be reached in my 1999 state of communications. Yes, that ghetto. Also... when did we all become such phone snobs?


"So and so... Voting is my favorite freedom. I just love it. During that time in the booth a diaper man's kid is just as powerful as the richest person in the country."

Kind of an epic thing this thing you call voting.

BIG TEN AND COLLEGE MADNESS - Yeah... it's happening. Also... you heard it here first. Notre Dame will join the Big Ten. As much as Golden Domers want to tell me until you are gold and blue in the face... that they never will... Yeah. You better go find that little black dress Notre Dame. Because you're hooking up with Big Ten. That's right QCI-ders... the hot hot chick that has been turning them down for date for over 100 years... won't turn him down this time. Yups... the Big Ten has figured it out with TV success... Yeah... this ain't no little fun little fling on the side you have had with the Big East. Not even close Notre Dame. You've moved on from the random hook ups with these East Coast types... And you've moved on from your idea that NBC can get you fancy things... The Big Ten like dropped some weight. Looks better than he used to. Oh yeah... and the Big Ten gots duh money coming... it's OK, we won't judge. We know you don't wanna lose out on this hunky looking sugar daddy.
IOWA STATE - Yeah... I'm looking at you Cyclone fans... you are effed. Before you send me hate mail... think about it. Seriously? You don't think so? Yeah... don't come crying to me about it. Also, stop with the "well we will just join the Big Ten... we are a natural fit." Um yeah... a... the Big Ten is gonna get some naughty time with the hot chick its been chasing for more than a Century... they totally have time for you now. Yups... because they don't. They own the Iowa television thing... and now... You'll even get to watch a Big Ten game in Western Iowa. Oh and speaking of television stuff... You I-Staters will be on the tube more often! Get this Cyclone fans... I hope you like weeknight football! Score! The MAC plays lots of games during the week. So you got that going for you. My advice to Iowa State Fans... I'd start saving those vacation days for the Fridays in the Fall. Because, you're gonna need those to recover after all those Natty Lights you had in Ames the night before. Oh and you're welcome, Cloners. It's because I'm a giver.
BIG LUG AND THE BIG 12 - Oh and Governor Culver? While you're busy getting involved in this? Don't bother... by the time this deal is done... you won't be in office. Again, just saying...

AND FINALLY... Man, has hockey season been great this year? Holy hell it has. Man... Sad to see it end here soon... but I wanna thank the Blackhawks for reminding me that the Fratelli's are epic... like I need to be remined... OK... I gotta score a burger and some hockey while it last. Stay thirsty my friends.


2010 Primary Gameday - Congressionals and Governor

[crowd beginning to form on Flanny’s Patio]

CHRIS FOWLER: Welcome back to Tim Flanagan’s Restaurant and Lounge. We’re back to talk Congressional… and to pull an audible on you? We’re doing the Governors race too. Fellas we lots to cover. Let’s jump into it.

BEANO COOK: Notre Dame.

FOWLER: (Sigh…) Alright… talking Federal races. We have the “Big 3”… and yes this is a conference the Republicans want to make some expansion. First the standard bearer, Chuck Grassley.

KIRK HERBSTREIT: Chris, anyone who thinks that Grassley is going down this year, needs to put down the pipe. Right Coach?

LEE CORSO: Kirk, we agree. Chuckles cruises to victory, but down a bumpy highway… could be made bumpier if not navigated well by campaign.

FOWLER: Beano?

BEANO: Like Red Grange rolling over the Midwestern Steps, This man just keeps rolling along like the Mighty Mississippi, the only real question is how long can this ship keep running, and who steps up to take the baton?

CROWD: Heyyyyy!!!!!! Grassley works! Grassley works! …

FOWLER: Let me throw another softball at you guys. Steve King.

CORSO: Chris, another win and look toward a higher office… Hmm?

BEANO: This feels like déjà vu, like a Golden Domer winning the Heisman in the 50s, but I guess we’re back at 2 years for this man to show up, chew bubble gum, and kick ass.

PACK OF DRUNK COLLEGE KIDS IN THE BACKGOUND: Effin’ aye John Deere right! Yeahhhhhhhh!

[Crowd roars]

FOWLER: The love themselves some Beano and Steve King today.

HERBSTREIT: No contest. A lot like the same situation as Latham.

CROWD: [starting to bring the Gameday rowdiness] TL! *clap clap* TL!! *clap clap* TL!!!! *clap clap*….

FOWLER: Perfect segway, Kirk. Coach, your take on Latham this year?

CORSO: Chris, he already won this election 2 years ago.

BEANO: Tom Latham. Another rock solid star. Have I mentioned Notre Dame lately?

FOWLER: Yes. Yes you did, Beano. Now, how about sending some help with these guys next January. Now we have a little action in the other three. Let’s start in the First District. Guys, not much buzz in this one. Winner takes on Braley. Four guys running. Is this a tough one Coach?

CORSO: In what is the most difficult general election congressional district for Republicans, the 1st district, I hope a good challenger emerges. For all the attention primaries are getting this June this race is being lost in the shuffle. Whoever can afford to run an effective mail program wins easy; I think that person will be Ben Lange. Beano, what do you got?

BEANO: While I enjoyed the writings of Jim Budde, check them out some time… and I love that LaCoste is going to vote for himself rather than endorse someone else. I am going to give this one to Ben Lange in the battle of campaigns that makes old Beano realize he’s too old for this shit. And are those campaign websites, or Facebook friend pages, Beano can’t tell anymore.

FOWLER: Beano, you and your interwebs. Kirk?

HERBSTREIT: If the Albany Great Danes, Furman Paladins, Stony Brook Seawolves, and the Richmond Spiders had a round robin tournament to see who got pulverized by the 2010 Hawkeyes….would you pay attention? Me either… this is the political equivalent. Some good talent in this race. Thank you for waving the flag.

CROWD: Booooo…..

FOWLER: Kirk, love you for bringing the snarky sexy back. Agreed gentlemen. Now on to a raise where there’s no need for a snooze button… you need a pancho for the mud actually. The Second District.

CORSO: Getting a little nasty Chris.

FOWLER: Yes it has Coach, some familiar faces are battling out East. Fake Facebook accounts, emails… all this stuff. Beano… since you’ve behaved so far today, you get first crack.

BEANO: I’ll go with 3M on this one, I like the name and I think that might be something to get some fannies down to their local voting locales. Reminds me of this time a young Woody Hayes asked me to show up for some for some extra curriculars with some Buckeye cheer girls, long story short Woody and I killed them and buried them in the woods… as any one from Ohio State is evil, good times though. Get out and vote.

CROWD: Whoah…… [concerned looks on their faces]

HERBSTREIT: Easy there, Beano.

[Fowler and Corso… disturbed looks back on their face]

FOWLER: And we were doing so well… Kirk, let’s keep pushing forward. Your take?

HERBSTREIT: While this race is muddled and hectic the fact that Loebsack is Loebsack makes the primary interesting. We got a shot here. Gettemy makes the lace entrance and rumor has it has money. Mariannette “3M” Miller-Meeks is running again for a seat she made a run at before. Rathje is running again but this time has focused more on being a real candidate and less on tanning. Reed is back after making a gallant run at Tommy Harkin. All 4 are could put together a run at Loebsack, I can’t say that name enough…its just funny. I think Miller-Meeks comes out on top simply because she has the infrastructure here and she never stopped working. This could easily go to convention which becomes a worst case scenario for 3M.

FOWLER: Interesting, Kirk. I hear it’s closer than most think. Coach… Do we have a convention here?

CORSO: We have a real bare-knuckle brawl for the Second District and it’s a sloppy track in this horse race. They are fighting dirty, its going to take all four quarters and it still might not be enough in this mud bowl. It’s a three way race to 35 percent and it’s a close one! Do I smell a little overtime?! Maybe, or that stench could be coming from the errand campaign attacks that seem to be the MO in CD2. And it might get worse! It could be a convention call if Christopher Reed… Did you know he got over 500 thousand votes for US Senate… I heard that somewhere… gets enough over 500 votes to get around or above 5 percent, although I wouldn’t bet on it. But if this thing goes to overtime, let me tell you folks, you think it’s getting ugly now haven’t seen anything yet. A convention in the loony land of Linn is a recipe for a stink bomb that will have lingering fallout through and possibly beyond the general election. For the love of Jesus T’s somebody better end this thing Tuesday! And if Gettemy is not afraid to spend all of his Jesus t-shirt money he may be able to do it. Rathje might be able to creep up to 35, but his campaign reeks of desperation so I find that very unlikely. But wait a minute… through that cloud of dirt I see a Woody Hayes-esq game plan in action. Its Miller-Meeks’ three yards and a cloud of dust ground attack, she’s been everywhere, working overtime and 3M’s risky mail only strategy might just pay off. Down the final stretch it’s 3M by a nose, followed closely by Gettemy who will Place, and Rathje who will Show. A convention is narrowly avoided giving Mariannette her second shot at Congressman Dumbsack, err Libsack, um Noesack, I mean Loebsack.

CROWD: SAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!! [Crowd is now getting Cedar Rapids crazy with their rowdiness]

FOWLER: Let see here. For those of you scoring at home…. That’s 2 Woody Hayes references, Jebus T-Shirts and some sort of shout out to Scott Stanzel from the crowd all in one district’s predictions… this is a QCI event.

CROWD: [getting into a frenzy…. Enter G$.... And G$ is now… crowd surfing?] Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! G MONEY! G MONEY! G MONEY!

FOWLER: And G$ is crowd surfing. Epic. This Second District will be interesting… I say toss up. Now… to the top Congressional race in the state. The Third District. Kirk, tons of notes on this one.

HERBSTREIT: Chris, this is gonna get wild. OK, brutal round of elimination. If your name isn’t Funk, Zaun, Gibbons, or Rees sit down. Mark Rees warrants conversation only because he has done well with his signs and received the Register endorsement. In addition, a big Branstad push in Polk County will help Rees. But any Republican who gets the Register endorsement for saying the things Rees said in a Republican primary is toast. Oh and signs just make candidates feel good….they don’t vote.

That leaves the 3 real contenders in what I think may be the most interesting race on June 8th. Funk, fundraising has been alright, but this guy has a great story, works his tail off and has really courted the Tea-Party. I like this guy and I think he will be around. Serious potential here to cause the liberals fits.

Zaun, huge advantage in a powerful network in the Republican vote rich areas of Western Polk County. Zaun is a populist who relates well to everyone. No one out works Zaun in a campaign….ever.

Gibbons, big chucks of money, great hard worker. Yes Gibbons moved into the district to run. Guess what, that happens and it doesn’t change elections. Gibbons’s name ID isn’t that high. Quick name the ISU wrestling coach….yeah I don’t know either. Rumor has it Gibbons has lotso debt and restricted money. Not good. Also, what the heck does “Burn the Boats” mean. That might be sweet for a wrestling team moto but if you have to explain your campaign motto….every time you speak…for months on end…its not a good campaign motto.

Funk hit the ground running and looked like a dark horse. Zaun jumped in and it was his to loose until Gibbons brought his ATM fundraiser machine in and made it interesting. Where does it go from here?

My gut reaction is there is a slight Zaun edge right now. Zaun has been working it harder and longer and has better name id in the part of the district that is voter rich. Gibbons has money and is pouring it on over the airwaves he is also a stellar candidate. If Jim had jumped in sooner and run a better campaign, I would tip my hat. Funk is going to be the shocker. He will do well. A great deal of support, good candidate, hard worker. However, I don’t think he can beat Zaun or Gibbons on Election Day. Zaun wins and keeps it out convention….barely….probably.

FOWLER: That close?

HERBSTREIT: since there nearly as many candidates as voters in this election there is a very real change this goes to convention. At convention, it’s Zaun vs. Funk ant it’s frankly to close to call. Gibbons has no shot in a convention. I have heard the Zaun camp says they have enough delegates locked up to win it with ease. Trouble is Funk says they are within in striking distance too. Me thinks some one has counted wrong. Whomever we have on June 9th they are going to be a great candidate and have a great shot at taking out liberal Nancy Pelosi’s favorite central Iowan.

CROWD: Yeah!!!!!! GM *clap clap* LB *clap clap* GM *clap clap* LB *clap clap* GM *clap clap* LB *clap clap*…

FOWLER: Beano? I hate to even ask… thoughts?

BEANO: I hate to narrow this down to a three horse race, but like the Big Ten every year, I think the cream rises to the top and we all know the Gophers aren’t going to win it again this year. I remember Bo Schembechler once told me that to really win that greatest of conference titles, you had to sell your soul to Satan and beat two dozen kittens to death while naked in a corn field. Does that advice ring true in the Third? Not really, I just wanted everyone to know that Bo really hated Kittens.

FOWLER: Why? Just why?

BEANO: Anyway, The old Bean Eater is going to predict Brad Zaun in this one. As much as I would love to tell GMLB to “FUNK OFF” I go with Zaun and maybe some other clever play on words that has the Letter Z in it.

CROWD: [getting Veisha-ish rowdy… a few burning couches] Yeah!!!!!! GM *clap clap* LB *clap clap* GM *clap clap* LB *clap clap* GM *clap clap* LB *clap clap*…

FOWLER: The crowd seems to want to take ole GMLB down… Coach help us wrap up the Congressionals…

CORSO: In what is turning out to be a very exciting race to the finish… And to this point a mighty clean one I might add, Kirk.

HERBSTREIT: Darn right, Coach. A touch of class in this one.

CORSO: It’s a real two horse race with a couple decent vote getters coming in third and forth. For a race as close as this you would expect to see more mud flying, but so far it has looked like a game of gentleman. Leads me to believe, Kirk, that a couple of these candidates know something that we don’t, or are lying in the weeds ready to pounce at the last minute. I don’t particularly trust the demeanor. It could mean three things, both frontrunners Gibbons and Zaun like their polling numbers, which means one of their pollsters stink. Another possibility with funds at a premium one of them isn’t polling - which is not likely. It could be the mud slingshot is just getting calibrated for a last minute snipe. But when you study the tape, we have two solid players at the helm with different strengths. Is it political experience and motivating the team that will that will carry the day, or is it cash packed coffers that takedown the opposition. I’m really wrestling with this pick. It’s really hard to pin down who I should elect, I mean select. Let me tell you something, I keep going back and forth, reversing my opinion; the Coach, the Mayor, the Champ, the Senator, holy moly it’s a great matchup but I have to go with…. Hmmm… the Champ Jim Gibbons to win by technical fall!!! This one won’t have to go to overtime, and it’s a cant lose situation. Bye, Bye Boswell!

CROWD: [Frenzy is getting Kentucky Derby infield crazy… and chants] Bye bye Boswell!!!!! * clap clap, clap clap clap* Bye bye Boswell!!!!! * clap clap, clap clap clap* Bye bye Boswell!!!!! * clap clap, clap clap clap* Bye bye Boswell!!!!! * clap clap, clap clap clap*

FOWLER: Fellas… interesting. I agree. Should be a wild night in Central Iowa. And now… let’s go to the big one. The one everyone is talking about.

CROWD: [insane frenzy has begun… DMPD arriving in riot gear] YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOWLER: Now… the Des Moines Register announced their poll this weekend. And if you’re over in the Roberts or the Vander Plaats headquarters… You might need a little pep talk. And we have you covered. And now from one of the Masters… Via satellite here’s a pep talk from Lou Holtz… Coach, pep these folks up.

LOU HOLTZ: Thank you Chris. Men… I haveth to tell yeah. Helluva job.

Men… I’m talking to you fellasth in Carroll, Team Roberts. You are a classth act. You’ve come a long way down this road, if things don’t work out Tuesday, I knowth you’ll give a good clean handsthake after everything is done. Old Lou knows that bad blood can run deep, but you’re nosth that kind of men. You’ve made Old Lou proud.

Men… Team BVP… I realithe its been 82 long years since Bob first began running for governor. And there have been some rough patches. But even the bethst have had some rough patches. Look at the Rick Mirer era. But the powerhouthe programs rebound. And Bob is just that kind of powerhouthe.

Lithen here men, this is the biggetht day of your lives. Terry Bransthad might be winning in the polls. But if the last decade has taught us anything its that Bob is firstht in Hawkeye hearths. So, let’s go. It’sth time to run down the field like Raghib Ishmael with linemen blatantly clipping Colorado Buffalos at every turn. Get dirty. Bring out the big guns. And we all know there isth no bigger gun in the world than Walker Texas Ranger. He’s like Jesus, mixed with Rockne, mixed with Rod Tidwell. He will show you the money. And the vothes.

So men, it might look bleak. You might question your very being. You might wonder why you have waved signs and eaten Dutch letters, and courted evangelical pastors, and attacked any viable candidate our party could possibly put forth for what theems like an eternity. You might think to yourself that Terry Branstad is a stronger opponent than Mitt Romney. But don’t doubt yourself now. We know we have the big guy on our side.
Men, did Moses give up with the Egyptians bombed Pearl Harbor. No. Some rules are made to be broken. And some men are meant to be Championths. You are meant to be a Champion.

Be a Champion today men. Go win this thing. Irith on three.

CROWD: [riot levels at an all time QCI high]

FOWLER: From the master himself. Thank you Dr. Lou. You gotta play the game.

CORSO: I wanna run through a brick wall now! Nice job Coach!

FOWLER: And the mascot head is officially on the stage.

CROWD: [deafening roar] YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOWLER: Prediction time. This is the grand daddy… and I know Beano loves him some Rose Bowl… so start us of Mr. Cook.

BEANO: Lou you know better than anyone on my take... But this one is the Notre Dame vs. Miami matchup we all want to see. I apologize to Rob Roberts as he seems like a good guy, but this is a two person dance and one that might not have a mid field handshake when all is said and done. Beano is a Big Ten guy, but is also a Big TenT guy. And no, I did not hide a secret 11 in my Big TenT. I think that I am going to call this one for the Mustache and hopefully with no collateral damage to the party.

FOWLER: Lots and lots of Notre Dame references today. Kirk, is this the year of the ‘Stache?

HERBSTREIT: Chris… This is the big one and the most anticipated Republican primary in Iowa in years. Culver is vulnerable and the winner on June 8th will have a great shot at moving to 2300 Grand Ave. With all the twists and turns this primary has taken and all the characters who have jumped in and eventually bowed out it is time to put this thing to bed.

FOWLER: Break it down for us, Kirk.

HERBSTREIT: Vander Plaats has been running for Governor since his parents were dating. I respect the guy and he works his tail off, but seriously sometimes the little engine just can’t. He has a large base of strong supporters who will outwork and outlast anyone who doesn’t have a mustache. BVP has raised more money than expected but I am not sure what they are doing with it. BVP also has support you can’t put a money value on. The IFPC took a shot of saki and aimed their plane at the USS Branstad on his behalf and Deace has been talking up BVP so much its borderline a corporate campaign contribution from the folks over on Grand. That aside, BVP has worked hard and should be commended for fighting for conservatives.

CORSO: Well put, Kirk.

HERBSTREIT: Rod Roberts is the nice guy in the race. The former pastor from Carroll has been all over the state quietly building a strong base. Roberts hasn’t had as much luck raising money but he has done the best he can on a shoestring budget. Rod is also in the right place at the right time. He will be the natural landing spot for people uneasy or unsatisfied with bringing back Branstad, and sick and tired of BVP running for Governor.

FOWLER: And Branstad?

HERBSTREIT: Terry’s reentry to the Iowa political scene did two things. Crushed the gubernatorial hopes of some candidates and made mustaches important again. These guys are putting on a clinic. Dave Vaudt’s endorsement was a prime example. Not a peep on who it was and when I did get a tip it was an hour before the announcement from someone who NEVER has bad info….and it was wrong. The KGB couldn’t keeps stuff covered this well. Fundrasing. Really if you don’t know about this then you have probably been under a rock. TEB outraised his opponents. TEB outraised his opponents combined. TEB outraised his opponents combined many times over. TEB has raised and spent more than the rest combined many times over and STILL has more on hand then they have raised combined. Either the mustache generates money or these guys just work harder than anyone thought possible. You don’t have to like the guy and you do not have to vote for him. However you cannot look at that machine and not be impressed. It was apparently impressive enough for the Democrat warlord Robert Tully to get worried find some trial lawyer money mix in some Union funding and come out guns blazing in an attempt to slow down the train.

FOWLER: You guys are loving the ‘Stache. What’s you’re score Kirk?

HERBSTREIT: The results of this race will shock people. No, no one is gonna stop the Stash, but Roberts will come from no where and finish second. Since we all know who comes out on top at the end I’ll stick my neck out and say Branstad 58, Roberts 22, BVP 20. Hats off to a well run campaign. I think all the campaigns did the best they could with what they got under the circumstances. The really bad news for Mr. Tully and Gov. Culver is the unity within the party. No matter who you support the thing I hear more often than not, is Chet has to go.

CROWD: [deafening chant] T! E! B!!!! T! E! B!!!! T! E! B!!!! T! E! B!!!! T! E! B!!!! T! E! B!!!! T! E! B!!!!

FOWLER: It’s time… the last prediction from the old coach…

HERBSTREIT: I’m going to get step away here… Coach! Bring us home!

CORSO: After a large slate of competitive and great races it comes down to the big enchilada!

HERBSTREIT: Enchilada yum, there’s this great Mexican place in Tempe Arizona that has the best enchiladas.

CORSO: Kirk, not so fast my friend… Whoo whoo we aren’t going there. I’m talking about the race for Iowa’s Chief Executive. Let’s start with the governor candidate newcomer Rod Roberts, what can you say about him, class act all the way around. Genuine good guy and he has statewide ads to boot. Not the one to sleep on, could it be the shocker of the decade? Not if the veterans have anything to say about it. Bob Vander Plaats, where have I heard that name before? It sounds very familiar, oh that’s right it’s the year 2010, another Iowa Gubernatorial election is upon us and you know what that means, Bob Vander Plaats is on your ballot folks! That’s right BVP may be Dutch but is the third time his lucky charm? He is all over my TV screen, has launched a lot mud at debates and has big money liberal backing.

FOWLER: What?! BVP has Liberal backing?

CORSO: You got that right, unsolicited too. Liberal front group Iowans for Responsible Government is running interference and is driving around in an ambiguously marked spreader slinging so much of the stinky stuff you’d thought you stepped in it! And who are they slinging that stuff at? You all know him, he’s the undefeated Hall of Famer Terry Branstad who’s seen enough, is fed up and is coming out of retirement to do something about it. This is how it’s gonna go down folks, Roberts has run a solid campaign. Lasted a lot longer than anyone thought and is taking it all the way. Upset of the decade…already? Vander Plaats has stormed Iowa for nearly a decade, he is very well known, and pretty well liked by most measures. But he has saddled himself up with some pretty undesirable company. Forget take their ball and go home, some talk about burning the boats and taking the island. This guys surrogates have left the boats, burned the bridges, scorched the earth and poisoned the well in an attempt to leave nothing behind for anyone whether it be Bob or not. With friends like those who needs enemies, right Beano?

BEANO: Notre Dame.

CORSO: When you ally with people committed to burning the entire party down to the ground, in the end it could hurt him more than it will help him. The Country is burning; these people do a lot more fighting the firemen than fighting the fires. But enough preaching from this old man let’s get to a prediction. Rod Roberts stays above the fray and… upset of the decade? I don’t think so, but he likely positioned himself for a very nice gig serving Iowans in another capacity. Bob Vander Plaats certainly has passionate supporters, but is it enough to put him over the top, could it be that his experience running for office paid off? Has the negativity stuck to Branstad? Has Governor Terry Branstads Record brought him down? Branstad has stayed above the fray and has the proven experience to run and win. But don’t call it a comeback folks… wait not so fast my friends! The Iowa comeback express will be full steam ahead on June 9th… The state of Iowa will have a clear choice between surpluses and deficits, between common sense and incompetence, between honesty and transparency or corruption and shenanigans. Between Conservative and Liberal, it will be an easier choice in November than it is now folks!

CROWD: [building frenzy of anticipation]

CORSO: Governor Branstad has kicked ass then and he’ll do it again. [slaps the desk] I’m going Branstad!!! [Corso puts on Branstad mascot head]

CROWD: [ear bleeding roar and chant] YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! TEB! TEB! TEB! TEB!

CORSO: Yeah!!!!!!! The ‘Stache is back!!!!!! TEB! TEB!

CROWD: [DMPD riot squads begin marching… crowd out of hand] TEB! TEB! TEB! TEB! TEB!

FOWLER: There you have it. Predictions have been made and the vote is on. Don’t for get to vote everyone! Good night, now.


2010 Primary Gameday - Statewides

CHRIS FOWLER: Live, on the new ridiculous death trap in street redesign that is Ingersoll Avenue… We’re at Tim Flanagan’s Restaurant and Lounge… It’s that time of year, so it’s QCI Primary Gameday. I’m Chris Fowler. In less than a week… the polls will be open. But the scheming and strategery continues. With me as always Kirk Herbstreit and Lee Corso. Fellas, welcome back.

KIRK HERBSTREIT: Chris, what a different a year and a half makes. I’m pumped.

LEE CORSO: Couldn’t have said it better my friend. One week to go!

FOWLER: A little change up in our programming this week. Since this is one of the bigger primary seasons we have witnessed in a while. We’re doing a three post event here for Primary Gameday.

CORSO: Three post event! That G$ sure is crazy.

HERBSTREIT: Coach, I believe epic is what you’re trying to say.

FOWLER: Epic indeed, Kirk. And since we’re dragging this into three. We thought we’d add some extra help to the show. QCI-ders, via satellite, welcome legendary analyst Beano Cook.

BEANO COOK: Great to be here. I haven’t been this excited since I was named honorary chaperone to the USC Song Girls at South Bend in ‘67. Only to have my mojo stolen by that blasted Orenthal James fellow.

FOWLER: Still not over that, huh Beano?

BEANO: Damn you to hell OJ Simpson.

FOWLER: Alright then. Today we’ll cover the statewide candidates. As you all know the executive council… as it’s called, are all up this year. The Rs control 2 of these offices. Auditor of State, Dave Vaudt… and Secretary of Agriculture Bill Northey. These guys have really made a good base point for republicans to take back the other 6 offices. Quick thoughts on these great leaders?

HERBSTREIT: Bill Northey, this guy is everywhere and he doesn’t even have a primary. Every event I go, Northey is there smiling and shaking hands. He is the nicest guy on the ticket, if you don’t like Nothey you are probably a communist.

CORSO: Kirk! We agree! Bill will campaign hard for down ballot and to solidify his position. Solid, solid leader.

HERBSTREIT: He sure is, Coach. The Democrats have dredged up another organic fanatic pretend farmer to run against a real Iowa farmer. This will be an interesting match up as the Greenpeace types line with the D who no one knows and John Deere green types line up with the only real farmer in the race.

BEANO: I love the gold and green, like Notre Dame in 1973, although I swear I have seen that Northey logo before.

FOWLER: No real disagreements here on this one. Northey is just good at what he does. And everyone’s favorite Watch Dog is up this year….

BEANO: Ruff, Ruff, Ruff, wait… I wasn’t referencing David Vaudt, this is just what I like to do on a late Thursday night after going into the casual encounters section of Craigslist in a cheap hotel.

[Fowler, Herbstreit and Corso all with disturbed looks on their faces]

FOWLER: Uh… yeah. The Watch Dog, Auditor Dave Vaudt. Kirk, your take?

HERBSTREIT: STILL the only CPA in the race, infact guys he is the only person in the race. You can’t out dress him and you can’t beat him, heck you can’t even find someone to run against him.

CORSO: No Kirk, they cannot! No challenger, no problem, will help down ballot races.

FOWLER: Only one of the challengers in the statewides… without a primary is Brenna Findley. She has built quite the following. Impressive fundraising numbers. Is she going to be the mayor of Upset City this fall, Coach?

CORSO: Awe HA! Chris! Love her! Keep an eye on this one, she’s got fire! Kirk, we were just talking about her.

HERBSTREIT: We agree again, Coach. Move over Sarah Palin there is a new darling of the Iowa Conservatives and this one knows where Russia is. Where to start. Brenna is a homeschooled Iowa girl who worked as Congressman Steve King’s Chief of Staff. Translation: She is a rock solid conservative with natural ties with two of the hardest working networks. She got her law degree from the University of Chicago, routinely one of the top 5 schools in the Nation. She also managed to out raise Good ‘Ol Tom Miller SEVERAL times over. Brenna raked in an eye-popping $124K crushing Miller’s $15K. Tom’s got a problem and we got a candidate to give him fits. The feisty lawyer from Dexter has given Republican’s the best hope since Miller took office approximately one year after the last ice age.

BEANO: What would make her candidacy better? If she got her law degree from the University of Notre Dame. But she may have it better. A law degree from a Big Ten school.

FOWLER: Wondered how long until we’d get an old school Big Ten reference out of you Beano.

BEANO: As G$ says for you people in Story City who didn’t catch that. The University of Chicago was a founding member of the Big Ten.

FOWLER: Thanks for clarifying that Beano. On to races where we have actual primaries in these statewides.... State Treasurer. Coach, you get first stab on this one.

CORSO: A real opportunity for a Republican general election pick up here for State Treasurer. we have a couple good guys running for the chance. In the east end zone we have Jim Heavens the “Mayor from a town where the tax rates went down.” And at midfield we have Republican County All-Star Dave Jamison. Heavens loaned himself the money and has been on the radio and to boot he has a great low name ID name, who doesn’t want to pull the lever for Heaven’s sake. But, not so fast my friend!

Here it comes…

CORSO: Story County Treasurer Dave Jamison has done a lot around the state organizing county officials for years. Dave is very well known and liked in the Republican Party and has the endorsements to prove it. I have to think that wins the day for Jamison and immediately will put State Treasurer Fitzgerald on upset alert. But I’ll tell you this, Heavens is a smart guy and a good Republican prospect, don’t be surprised to see him again down the road.

FOWLER: Upset alert. I like it. Kirk?

HERBSTREIT: Chris, I dub this race, the Marine vs. the Mayor. First, Jim Heavens. This guy is no dummy. DR. Jim Evans has a phd in Agriculture and did a heck of a job as the Mayor of Dyersville, as Coach said, “he’s the Mayor of the town where the tax rates went down.” Also, home of the slightly more notable Field of Dreams.

FOWLER: If you build it, will they vote?

HERBSTREIT: Getting to that Chris. Enter Dave Jamison. I know Beano will have more on this… But… OK… I will admit I didn’t know as much about Jamison as I thought. Not only a Story county Treasurer but also a former Marine with a Masters in Finance.

BEANO: Hell yes.

HERBSTREIT: The Race. Heavens has a little over 30K on hand almost all of it from a loan. Jamison has been everywhere and has raised over 30K the way you want to see it done. Lots of small donors. He also served on the Republican State Central Committee. Jamison has the advantages and the fundamentals down. It’s going to take more than some Kevin Kostner magic outta Dyersville to beat the Marine from Ames. What say you Beano?

BEANO: Like a pre-op Transvestite, I’m just going to pull this out really fast here. I go with Jamison, and only because you don’t eff with a Marine, much the same way you didn’t mess with the 1959 Iowa Hawkeyes.

[Fowler, Herbstreit and Corso with very disturbed looks on their faces.]

FOWLER: Uh… So I guess the consensus is… Jameson because of his statewide network. Makes sense to me, but I think you’re right Coach. This isn’t the last time we’ll see this mayor.

CORSO: Let’s hope so Chris. We have a lot of great people running this year.

FOWLER: Absolutely right, Coach. For our final pick of the day… the last of the statewides… Secretary of State. A couple of new faces and one very familiar one. Kirk, you have a lot of notes on this.

HERBSTREIT: This is probably the most exciting primary on the ballot. Other than the Gubernatorial and 3rd congressional district, and second congressional district, and 1st congressional district. Ok, this race has been lower profile but these guys are squaring off for an important position and a tough fight with SOS Mike Mauro.

You got it all here folks. George Eichhorn is on the ballot… again… and could have an advantage from running two years ago in the Senate Primary which he lost to Chris Reed. Eichhorn, who’s name I can’t spell even though he has been running for office almost as long as BVP hasn’t raised much money and only has $2600 on hand. I’m not sure what he has been spending it on, but its not gonna be enough.

FOWLER: They’re a little sensitive on the name thing over at Team I-Corn… errr Eichhorn.

HERBSTREIT: Just a little, Chris. Then there’s the kid. Matt Shultz, a 30 year old city councilman from Council Bluffs. Matt has been a solid activist in Western Iowa but new to the scene as a candidate. Shultz hasn’t raised much dough either but taking a peek at his expenditures is interesting. Lots of central committees on there. Whats that mean? This guy is all over the place. We’ve seen him at events all over the state and he is always working the room introducing himself.

Finally, Chris Sanger, Love the enthusiasm. Small business owner and clearly best facial hair on among the down ballot races, but Chris shave the beard and raise your profile a little. Did I mention shave the beard.

CORSO: Love that beard!

BEANO: I love the beard of Chris Sanger, and any man who resembles the Gentleman Ghost at his wedding has Beano intrigued, but beards and top hats don’t always make for a happy boy on Election Day. Speaking of guys named Chris, a Chris I think we can all agree on as being a walking, fornicating, and defecating mad Mo Fo is that Zorich kid from Notre Dame, that man had arms like a Zeus and an mean attitude of waitress that got stiffed her tip by a drunk Freshman at Perkins

[An even more disturbed looked on the faces of Fowler, Herbstreit and Corso]

HERBSTREIT: Um…. Yeah…. This is race between old and new, and while I love George I’m gonna go with the hard working young buck who’s name can be spelled with ease. Coach, why don’t you bring us home on this one.

CORSO: Chris! All I can keep thinking is… Eichhorn and Finkle, Finckle and Eichhorn, Eichhorn is Finkle? Is this the same Eichhorn that was in a statewide primary last cycle? Its déjà vu all over again. Councilman Schultz has a nice web ad out but the problem is… it’s a web ad, old primary voting grandpas and grandmas don’t know how to use those interwebs. I have heard there is a third candidate, Chris Sanger, who? I said Chris Sanger… Sanger? I hardly know her! Sanger’s campaign slogan is “He will vote the way people want” I don’t know about where you come from Beano but in Iowa the Secretary of State doesn’t do much voting. This is a bit of a hat grab situation, like the Senate primary in ’08 most don’t know much about any of them, but when ‘the people vote the way they want’ in this election it is going to be Finkle and Eichhorn this time by a close but comfortable margin over Councilman Schultz.

FOWLER: I guess you could say, beards, the young guy and still can pronounce the name is your takes. Alright, that wraps up for today. Tune in next time as we take on the Congressional races.


Who gets the mascot head?

Alright QCI-ders... Starting to get set built over at Flanagan's. The writers are fine tuning their predicitions...

Getting very exciting around here.

I cannot take credit for the majority of the upcoming QCI Event.. nor are these opinions the same as mine. Just a bunch of political junkies who have some real insight and a whole lotta humor.

The BIG question we are getting via emails and texts is... "Who's going to get the Mascot Head this time?"

It's become a tradition of sorts here. Back when those HD 69 loving crazies went nuts when Erik Helland's head appeared on Corso... then of course the only guy to carry the banner for Rs in '08... Tom Latham. (See epic pics below)....

Who will this years be? Stay thirsty my friends.

Just like we always do this time of year...

It's baaaaaaaack.... What has become one of our most read features here at the World's Crappiest Blog... QCI Gameday presented by Tim Flanagan's Restaurant and Lounge.
This year's seems to be cooking up to be a great one... with as many races going on... it has to be.
The QCI Writing Team is finishing up their predictions and insights... and since this is becoming one of the biggest Primaries we have had in a while... we are making this feature a 3 post event... I know... epic.
I've seen some of the early drafts from the writers... this one is sure to entertain... be insightful... and be completely crappy all at once. Again, epic.
We have tons and tons of coverage to come after the Gameday post event... so stay tuned for that.
Until then... stay thirsty my friends.