So who is the Lieutenant Governor of the Big Ten Conference?

I must be easy to read… not this blog I mean. My grammar… spelling and really the abuse of the English language is… well… epic. What I mean is… and I’ll admit it. I’m pretty predictable. Case in point, I was just scoring a burger and watching game of 6 in the battle for Lord Stanley’s chalice before I wrote this very horrible take... And my buddy says, “Dude, you gotta be like lovin’ this time of year.” I asked why do ya say that? He says, “Dude, elections… Celtics… Hockey… and this Big Ten expansion talk. Dude, you’re like a junkie with this stuff.” My pal has a point. And yes, in general, the people I hang out with… start every sentence with… dude. I really can’t get enough of this stuff.

Remember that part where I have a hard time keeping up with my brain? It’s in effing hyper mode right now. Here’s the stuff I could only catch.

EVERYONE IS AN EXPERT – Yups… you know what I’m talking about. Like when Iowans became gymnastic authorities when Shawn Johnson was doing her thing in Bejing… everyone has an opinion on this stuff. What am I talking about? The LG watch. Every Tom, Dick and Harry out there has an idea or a favorite… a lot of these names are the usual suspects.

I get asked these questions a lot so… I’ll just answer it. “Who is Terry Branstad going to pick to be his Lieutenant Governor?” Which is a tricky question when you ask this to politicos… Because I think their answers become more of WHO they would like it to be… rather than who it SHOULD be or what is the political slam dunk. So if you will allow me to join this rat race… here’s my take. A lot to break down on this… so bear with me.

First, Branstad is going to pick HIS choice. There will be no groups or others making him pick someone. And trust me. He will make a good one. Let me fill you in on something… Terry Branstad is one of the smartest, politically savvy people you will meet. If you don’t think so… again… you have a Kool Aid mustache. I have never met a guy who locks in more information. Names… facts… details. He’s an effing machine. Ok, not like a robot… he’s just that good. He has a knack for this stuff… you don’t stay in office as long as he has he wasn’t. It’s just a fact. What I’m saying is that he’s his own guy… he will make his own pick.

Next question, who? This is where the list gets long. It’s also a case of who really really wants to be on the ticket. There’s a ton of business type names. Electeds and former electeds. The wild card super duper rich folks who get named (insert egos here)… this is when the talk gets crazier than the college conference expansion. Like I said… the chirping becomes who people want… not just who it should be.

Now… who do I think it should be? Names? I have my ideas… but I do believe there is a profile. They say this a lot in elections… and usually it doesn’t come true… but this year is the exception. This pick is ginormous. I’m not saying that because it’s the difference between winning and losing this thing. It’s huge because what we have at stake… both politically and for the State itself.

My thought process on most of this stuff is a process of elimination. First. I’m not sold we need a “business person”. You know what I mean? There’s always the talk on our side of the aisle that we need to run Government like a business. I used to think the same way. But my position on this has morphed to this idea of… no we don’t… in fact we shouldn’t. Dudes… tell me a business that is exactly like government? Sure there are business principles to be applied all around. Namely… in the customer service part… but that’s a whole other rant. Anyways… take the business types off the list. Sorry guys… but I’m effing serious. Take ‘em off. We don’t need a LG who needs on the job training when it comes to the ins and outs of state government… and politics in general. Call me what you want… but if you can't answer how many state reps are in the Iowa House without flinching… or know the current seats held by each party... or need a crash course in Iowa political history… thank you for playing.

So what do we need? If and when Branstad wins (knock on wood)… You are gonna need a person who knows State Government. But because that’s where the rub is. Budgets to be cut. Departments to reorganize… Negotiations… Knowing what we or they really need. How it’s done. Some pretty serious stuff calls for a serious candidate.

I can already hear some of you pounding on your keyboard ready to call me names. “G$ yous one of thems big ole governorment liberal republicans and you like to punch puppies!!!” Governorment? What? Effing aye John Deere right I’m NOT a big governorment blah blah blah heartless meth smoking Denver Broncos fan who beats animals type of a liberal... Seriously kids.

Is you car broke down? You should totally ask me to fix it. Yeah, because this is where I fail my Pops and my motorhead friends… I can barely change a tire. Now if you need 65 grilled cheeses eaten in a Community College Cafeteria in one sitting? Dial up my phone suckas. Need a transmission redone? You call my homeboy Nick up at Higgin’s Auto Plaza on the northside of town. He’s the best mechanic in the DeMo... I’m just saying. Experience matters on this thing. So Governor Branstad and team… you should take me off the list for possible LG… I know jack squat about state government... I just know it’s a mess. But… if you ever have a grilled cheese-a-thon or wanna score a Philly Steak at Louie D’s… I can be of service. Again, it’s because I’m a giver.

Now… the elephant in the room on this pick. (oh lookie lookie… I made a funny political pun… amazing)… Yeah man, oh yeah… whoever he picks, is gonna be the person who will the front runner once Terry is done. So that opens everything wide open there… but this question gets you back to the whole original idea and job description of what a Lieutenant Governor. If something would happen… could he or she serve as Governor. Then comes the post political angle… could he or she be the standard bearer of the party Again… this whole bit starts to get about as bat shit crazy as the college conference expansion rumor mill.

So what’s the G$ pick for Terry Branstad? Who Branstad wants. And my formula for a great pick? Younger, but not too young… knows state government and the experience of it… could be the party standard bearer… and could be governor.

And just like that… the frenzy begins. But I can confirm one thing for you amongst the rumors. No… the Heart of Iowa Activities Conference did not send invitations to Northeast Hamilton to join. I can confirm for a fact. No way the folks from Gilbert or Roland or Story City want to travel to the arm pits of Hamilton County… Awe… the sweet sweet arrogance of the HOIAC. Brings a smile to my face.

Stay thirsty my friends.