A lot of stuff lately... in the 3rd that is... and by popular demand... and for some people who hated it... I thought I'd slow jam today's update. Please join me in welcoming back Mista Frost Eze Funk Malt (FM) and the Edwards Street Mullet Allstars (ESMA)... Hit it boys...[lights dim...]
[snap... snap... snap...]
ESMA: [Beginning really epic smooth groove...]
G$: (smooth voice) Awe yeah... and I mean awwwwwwwe yeaaaaah... without the #wingertvoice... Because... we are bringin the soul...
FM: (signing) Money you're no big time DC lobbyist y'all...
G$: (smooth voice) Dayam right... (singing) Hmmmmm.... ummmm ee hmmm hmm... Let's do this Frosty. BRING IT HOME!
FM: (singing) A slow jam post right here to warm your heart, so many things goin' where do we start. From a brand new poll to emails that are phantom, come on G Money let's all get ran-dom... yee-aaauh...
ESMA: [pauses with a drum snap… *snap*… then continues the slow jam]
G$: (smooth voice) Uhhhhhhh yeaahhh... QCI-ders... we're just trying to stay warm in all of this... madness... oh but not crazy... just crazy good... Like a nice blue snuggie... awe yeaaah... got you covered... we'll get you... warm... and snuggified... so get comfortable... relax and lets slow jam the 3rd...
FM: (signing) Vict-or-y busts out their brand new poll, where Brad Zaun looks like he's in control. But six other fellas won't give up this fight, all makes for a long long June 6 ni-ye-ight...
G$: (smooth voice) Yeah... so... is it gonna get a little dirt-ay, in the 3rd-ay? Hmmmm... oh yeah... because... you may say it too early? Nah... fellas already be sendin' me emails from anonymous accounts... with graphics... and all that jazz... but we don't pass those on... Why? Because we're lovers... not haters...
FM: (singing) Bring that love train, G Money.
G$: (smooth voice) Oh yeah...
FM: (singing) Yeah.
G$: (smooth voice) Yeah baby...
FM: (singing) Lovin train.
G$: (smooth voice) yeah... ride the train.
FM: (signing) #goodjoboutofyou, the train baby.
G$: (smooth voice) Do the train, Kempton style.
FM: (singing) Kempy knows that the train y'all...
G$: (smooth voice) Because... there is a lot to go... Jim Gibbons has some cash to spend... Dave Funk is... bringin' the funk... and working it... Mark Rees has his peeps... the others too... and according to this poll... 60 percent... don't have a man... yet... so... Fellas in the 3rd... you better get out there and work it... as my homies say, you gotta... lock it up. Better put some rings on those voters fingers... Or you maybe... you'll start singin' a sad song... like...
G$: (singing) Ohhhhhhh.... I shoulda put a ring on it.
FM: (singing) Shoulda had a ring.
G$: (singing) Shoulda put a ring on it.
FM: (singing) No ring?
G$: (signing) I shoulda put a ring on there.
FM: (singing) It's alright.
G$: (singing) Alright...
FM: (singing) You got time.
G$: (singing) It's alright.
FM: (singing) Time to use dat bling
G$: (signing) Lordy you got time to use that bling.
FM: (singing) And lock it up.
G$: (signing) Lock it up, lock it up, lock it up... Lock it. Lock it. Lock. It. Up.
FM: (singing) Close it up now.
FM: (singing) Big dance comin'... you know you'll be there. So buy that corsage... score some formal wear. Seven fellas lookin' to bring a date... better ask the hot one before it's too late.
ESMA: [pauses with a drum snap… *snap*…]
G$: Ladies and gentlemen! Let me introduce to you... on lead guitar... for the Edwards Street Mullet Allstars... My man... Doc Hove (DH)! Do it Doc!
ESMA: [busts into massive jam]
DH: [begins massive wail... for an epic guitar solo... think Kirk Hammett, Jimi Hendrix, Eddie Van Halen... and that dude from Led Zeppelin... haha I know... just kiddin', Jimmy Page... all smooshed together... got that all in your head? Good... how epic of a guitar solo is that? I know.]
Crowd: [super tranced out]
[wait for it... wait for it]
ESMA: [Coming to an epic crescendo]
DH: [Doc ends massive wailing and epic guitar solo]
ESMA: [Ends slow jam with a drum snap… *snap*…]
DH: [smashes guitar... lights it on fire]
G$: And that my friends... is how you slow jam the post.
ESMA: [belts out a nice finish to the jam]
G$: See ya later and stay thirsty!
