An Epic Christmas and Hugs?

Whew... How we doing out there QCI-ders? Etes-vous pret pour Noel? I think I am. Shopping is done... I think!?!?! Anyways... we've been busy having conversations with Santa here at QCI HQ... sorry for the lack of posts. But, for the first time ever... I won't be heading from some store straight to Christmas Eve Mass... And or being late for it either... Which is a world record for me... This means I actually get to enjoy the holiday a little better. Of which I give myself a #goodjoboutofme.

Anyhoop... the lights are up in the HQ... Egg nog... is getting all nogged up... There's snow on the ground... Yes, we are in full blown Chirstmas Cheer... So let's do what we always do this time of year. I told you... I got my shopping done earlier than normal this year. So early... that I scored some stuff for other peeps out here... For a little feature we will call

"Dudes, Scored You Some Stuff for Christmas"

Random peeps that I got stuff for... Mostly t-shirts and dvds... You know... because we are givers... and huggers... loves us some hugs... In no particular order...

BILL NORTHEY AND CHUCK GRASSLEY - I got this shirt for you guys... Since you both are the kings of the Twittah... Check it out and click here.
CHIEFS FANS - Totally lined up some replacement hearts for all of you. Because ours have been ripped out too many times. Alright... I can't get you hearts so I go you this so you can remember that we used to win.
3RD DISTRICT GOP CANDIDATES - Dudes, since we almost have enough peeps in the race for a Battle Royal event... I scored you some DVDs to show you how its done.
THAT ONE CREEPY DUDE WHO KEEPS TRYING TO ADD YOU ON FACEBOOK - Yeah... you know that guy... so... might as well get you this shirt. Because I will get you something for Christmas... I'm just not gonna add you on Facebook. Cool? Good.
GMLB - You know we wouldn't forget about you GMLB! We're not saying your car stinks... just thought of you when we saw this. So... here you are GMLB!
BRANSTAD 2010 SUPPORTERS - No worries... I got you guys covered over at Team TEB! I got you these shirts. Check it out here.
VANDER PLAATS SUPORTERS - Yup yups... I couldn't pass up this shirt for you peeps. Enjoy!
FOR BVP AND TEB PEEPS - You know... you guys have been getting snippy at each other... so I thought I'd get this for all of you. I mean... maybe gather together and watch these DVDs. The Back to the Future Trilogy? Insert sweet sweet irony here.
JARED ALLEN - What do you get for the dude who is awesome all the time? A car like this. So yeah man... I scored you that car. And its not just for Christmas... its for being the best example of being awesome. Oh and inspiring the mullet too.... respect.
CRISTOPHER RANTS - I went more practical for you man. Plus I know where you are eating your lunches lately... so here you go bruh.
C-RAIG AT THE TIR - How could I leave out the George Steinbrenner of the Rightosphere on my list? (the TIR is the Yankees of the blogs) Yeah dude... scored you a shirt... it has your name on it.
PEEPS IN THE VBC - I got this shirt for you... because the VBC is awesome... and you all live there.... therefore you are awesome.
ELIZABETH SHUE - Yeah... I mean... You're famous... and probably have anything you want... but... how many times can someone arrange an epic band to play a tune just for you? Here it is... hope you dig it. See you soon. *shy face* OK, bye. Hearts, G$
HERSHEL KRUSTOFSKI - Oh yeah... I hooked you up Krusty. I got you this because I hope it would inspire you to bring back the contest someday. Those were the days... *sadface*
MY SPELLING HATERS AND GRAMMAR NAZIS - Yeah... for all the peeps who make fun of my spelling and grammar... I even got you something this year. I mean... even tho you peeps are haters... I soften up during Christmas... so I got you these shirts... enjoy!

AND FOR EVERYONE ELSE? I got you hugs and music... Not like the "good guy pat hug"... Well... because... that's probably the rudist hug in history... "You're such a good guy *no so genuine voice*"... It's just a rude hug... very rude... And no, not the "Haven't Seen You Forever Hug"... You know, because I have Facebook... It's like roaming the halls in high school... And no, not the "Like You Mean it Hug"... because... well... that could get a little awkword... alright... unless the chick is hot... then yes... "Like You Mean It"... but could still be awkward... but it could turn out epic... or maybe not... but it could turn fun... or a restraining order... or...

Alright, never mind... just a straight up hug... a nice one... friendly... noncommittal... just a regular hug.... not so awkward... normal... a normal hug. Not awkward...

Well maybe if you're not a hugger... then it gets awkward... OK... if you aren't a hugger... you should work on that. Hugs are awesome... and epic. Yes. Yes they are. They just take a little practice... OK, that was really a shady thing to say.

Ok... Hug it out... awesome. Good. Great. Grand... Wonderful...

Oh and tunes... I got you an awesome tune to crank this year. So... here is soon to be your favorite new Christmas song... crank it up!!!! And stay thirsty friends...

Bringing the Christmas Funk to the Iowa Rightosphere! Suckas!!!

Let’s try to get into the Christmas spirit here QCI-ders! CD offered his Christmas wishes… And the anonymous commenters over at Krusty are serving their egg nog with some vile. Wow. He shut it down, for probably the first time since he came back. As always, we don’t shut it down here. I think it’s because you actually know who’s writing this and I read my sitemeter. QCI is like Santa that way, we know who’s been naughty or nice. Anyways… enough of this garbage.

Reading all of that yesterday made me think, what could get everyone back in the spirit of the season on the blogs? “How about Christmas Mullet, G$?” You might be on to something there. Business on top and Christmas Cheer in the back. Sounds like a good idea. But then it hit me… let’s bring the funk. I mean, really use the space, you know? The idea spread like wild fire…

So I was making a few copies in the office when I ran into our mascot Barnstormer Billy. He said he was down, “G$, I can bring the funk.” You sure can William, you sure can. Then out of nowhere… Jared Allen texted me, and said “Sleeves optional dude, sleeves optional.” That’s Jared Speak, meaning he’s down. I know the code. It turns out, James Hetfield heard about what I was up to… he left a voice mail saying, “OHHHH YEEEAAAHHHHH… I am there, yeeaaahhhh… Off to never neverland!!!!” So I was feeling good about my chances of bringing some Christmas funk to the Iowa Rightosphere… suddenly… my cell phone was buzzing.

It was an unknown number. I usually don’t answer unknown numbers, but I’m glad I did. “Hello?” I answered. Then… it was like I heard a voice of an angel… “Hey baby, I heard you need some help, you know I can bring the funk.” I’m thinking… is this the Christmas Angel? So I asked, “Who is dis?” Then the voice of the angel replied, “It’s me, Elizabeth Shue (Hearts!). I’ll help you bring the funk, G$.” This is the part where I faint and black out.

So after a few hours later, I come to. I’m thinking… this was all a dream… so I head to Flanagan’s. It was slow for a while… then 4 big El Camino limos show up in Flanny’s parking lot. Out of 3 of the El Camino limos walks out Jared Allen, James Hetfield and Barnstormer Billy. (Billy has a limo? Huh?) Then this light comes out of the sky and shines on the final El Camino limo… it’s red… with flames… and Yosemite Sam mud flaps… then yea… the choir of angels from heaven appear… and Elizabeth Shue (Hearts!) comes out of that El Camino limo. After I picked up my jaw from the pavement… and wondered, “is there really 4 bad ass El Camino limos in Des Moines?” Elizabeth Shue (Hearts!) told me, “G$, you gotta focus baby… let’s bring some funk to this Rightosphere!” I’m not going to argue with her. I mean, it’s Elizabeth Shue (Hearts!) people!

So we all went back into Flanny’s and brought the Christmas Funk… check out the video below.

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