"G$, you gotta list?"
C'mon son... everyone is doing it...
Man oh man, I love Christmas... and the Christmas party circuit! What a rockin' party over at 621 East 9th, am I right?! Great to see so many old friends, new friends, colleagues, acquaintances... and it was even great seeing the people I don't like!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Just kidding. I roll like Rocky Balboa, I like just about everyone. Even you Monte Shaw.
Anyways, per usual, I've been talking to a lot of people since the big November victories. The subjects? Here they are...
What's next? How long are they keeping you on the pay roll? What are you thinking? Hear from anyone yet?
And of course...
Who do you like in 2012?
On the subject of 2012... lately the buzz I keep hearing on the street and reading in the blogs? That little list of 50 people in an article Tony Beaumont wrote a couple weeks back in the Des Moines Register.
Lists do funny things to people... especially in politics. Judging from the blogs and "on the street" chatter I'm hearing... Here are the 4 reactions I get:
1) Peeps who really don't care and don't have time to.
2) Folks who look like Rudy checking the Notre Dame dress list to see if they "get" to suit up on Saturday... because coach promised.
3) Egos who would like you to kiss their rings because they made the list.
4) The rest? They blow up like that movie producer did on CJ Craig on the West Wing... just because he dropped from #2 to #9 on the list of Hollywood's most important people.
Again, lists do funny things...
Hershel chimed in... then I saw a few others who were mostly pissed for not making the list... and/or all their buddies that got left off. Get over yourselves people.... and act like you been here before.
This prompted Tim Bowmount to write another list... Oh, and don't worry. Someone will get pissed again... or want to advocate for someone and something... and the DMR's political guy, Biff Toemont will have to write another list. (sigh...)
My take on all these lists? Yep. Everyone single one should be on there. All accomplished. All influential no matter how great or worthless you personally believe these people are. I'm as serious as a dry keg 2 hours until kick off when I said that. Are there some folks missing? Yes of course... there's always someone who didn't make Selection Sunday. It's OK... there's always the NIT... but enough of the really lame college basketball references...
You want the list? I'll give you the list... well, at least not the Excel Sheet. No way Homey Jomey from Wyoming. You all aren't that cool enough, sorry. And for some of you reading... that chick still thinks you're a creeper and you can't have her cell phone number. Sorry bro.
You're just gonna have to look 'em all up... and since you clearly have this computer thing called "the internets"... you have access to a little website called "Google." Cmon now, who hooks you up? Say it together friends, "G$ hooks us up."
At the urging of loyal readers... let's do this... And I'm sure you will think my list sucks... but hear me out. I break it down different than others... I hope you people in Story City are able to follow along....
MY STAFF AND CONSULTANT LIST
Here's who makes the cut...
1) Anyone who is from Iowa and who has been a staffer/advisor/consultant, at any level, on any campaign or official office in this state for the past 30 years. I know, you may think that's lame, but its true. And if you don't think so... You're drinking some one's or your own Kool Aid.
2) Out of staters who have spent time here. They learned how to say Nevada and Madrid... They've earned you honorary citizenship. We even like the way you talk funny. Never discount honorary Iowans
3) The ones you haven't heard about yet. I'm talking about the kid who comes from no where and gets more than 700 votes for a candidate down in Van Buren County on Caucus Night. Yeah... freakish good.
THE KEYS TO STAFFS AND CONSULTANTS:
1) You can assemble the best, most accomplished, most decorated political staffs in the history of campaigns for your Iowa Caucus staff. But if you don't have anything to sell (candidate)... you will end up with the Giants and Rangers in your World Series. If you don't get the reference (sigh), this is what it means. You can have the best team money can buy... the New York Yankees of politics... but if your candidate sucks and/or can't connect, you're screwed. Staffers and consultants don't win elections. Candidates and ideas do.
2) It doesn't matter if you've been involved since Reagan or just got the job out of college gig today... to put it simple... And I'll probably be the first to say it, you don't need "caucus experience." For real. You can take an entire day to teach a monkey about the Caucuses... and that monkey will get 10 new precinct leaders, tonight.
MY BIG NAME ENDORSEMENT LIST
Endorsements are pretty simple around here...
1) All current City, County, State and Federally elected officials
2) All former City, County, State and Federally elected officials
3) All former candidates who lost City, County, State and Federal elections
4) All heads of interest groups and their organizations... you name the association or concern... hook it up... on the list
5) Iowa Celebs... Movies stars, Athletes, Coaches or basically someone who has been on TV... once... yeah... we're huckleberries about this stuff... deal with it.
6) "That guys" and "that ladys"... You know... "That guy" who is the president of the Lions Club and serves as township fire chief... Or "that lady" who heads up the library board and is chair of the parks and recreation commission... they know everyone and are respected by everyone in their communities.
THE KEYS TO BIG NAME ENDORSEMENTS
1) Just because so and so is with that candidate doesn't mean instant votes. (that's goes for everyone on this list) There is only one organization that can produce 3,000 solid votes in Iowa. They reside on the Southside of Des Moines and are on the other side of the aisle. Do. Not. Let. Anyone. Tell. You. Different.
2) Elected officials are nice and all... but don't count on them doing a whole hell of a lot. Yes, there are exceptions to the rules... A lot of it has to do with their elected duties is why they can't do so much. That whole time thinger. For real... I'm just saying and the honest ones will tell you the same exact thing.
MY GRASSROOTS LIST
Oh yeah... the ones who give their time for free. The most important list there is on this post...
1) Past and present State Party Leaders (chairs, SCC, ect)... all of them
2) Past and present County Party Leaders (chairs, central committees, delegates, IFRW, ect)
3) Leadership of every single past campaign in the past 20 years (chairs, coalitions, precinct leaders, all of them)
4) Past straw poll and caucus attendees for the past four caucuses
5) Volunteers of every campaign in the state of Iowa for the past 20 years. Yes, all of them. Even those crappy campaigns too... all campaigns have great volunteers. Just like all dogs go to heaven.
6) The new activists who join the cause... this year.
7) And everyone else in between.
THE KEYS TO THE VOLUNTEER LIST
I'll put it simple here for you. If you don't know the keys to every single one of these grassroots volunteer lists... Step aside friend. Let the big kids handle this.
CONCLUSION?
Did I leave anyone off? Oh yeah I did. Some on purpose and some not. Why? Call me John Madden... this is the list that matters. If you can put this list together... call them. Get them on board.... maybe 25%... you too can win the Iowa Caucus.
Yes, I can already hear you typing, "G$!!!!! WHY DID YOU MENTION THIS OR NAMES!!!!" Calm down son... When I say, anyone under the above descriptions.... this is what I mean. All of them. And yes, I'll agree with you, as lame as all this sounds. You really do need Iowans from all of the described lists to win.
And if that is lame to you... or think this is way too simplified. I have a great bridge on Loucst Street I want to sell you. I'll give you a good price on it.
Stay thirsty my friends.
