That Girl Named: Iowa Hawkeye Football

From time to time, I have explained Iowa Hawkeye Football as a relationship. Sure, no relationship is perfect. It takes some work. There are ups and downs. We’ve sure had some great times over the past few years… Like those nice little New Years Day dates... unexpected surprises like the catch in the Capital One bowl... The last two Michigan State games... The Ricky Stanzi Orange Bowl post game speech... Bowl wins... Magical bliss... good times.

*hearts*

Hawkeye Football usually goes about the same as that on again/off again girlfriend you have. It starts in the Winter... after the bowl game... we miss her. Sure... from now until the next Fall... we may flirt or even go out with the NFL Playoffs, or the upcoming Major League Baseball season... hell, we might even hook up with the Olympics to keep us occupied. But these gals are no Hawkeye Football... no way, no how.

The Spring Game comes along... You haven't seen her in a while. And booyah! Damn she looks good. REAL good. She's lost some weight. She's doing this new thing with her hair. And that black and gold outfit she's rockin'? Those one pair of jeans that make you go nuts. (humina humina humina)

But you keep it cool. You'll say hello... maybe grab a drink, but that's it. There's no need to get too excited, yet. You're not gonna call or anything... wouldn't want to sound desperate... she'll be back, right? There’s emptiness for most of the Summer. It's a long wait... Time makes the heart grow fonder so to speak.

The Big Ten previews start coming out late summer. Lindy's, Sporting News and Anthlon... all talking about how she is lookin' FINE. You go to the State Fair and pick up your Hawkeye Football Schedule Poster... you just know she's going to be back in your life. And things are going to be great again. Bam! Two weeks until that first game? You're back together... and it's better than the last year. You're heart goes pitter patter. Everything seems to be a little nicer... everything seems to be a little brighter. Iowa Hawkeye Football is your girl... and life is good.

During this preseason? You stopped at the jewelers in Pasedena. You were looking for a ring. A big ring. For some reason, you just felt that this was it. This was the time we were gonna settle down and be immortal for ever... every thing great and smelling rosy...

But this 2010 Iowa Hawkeye Football girl was a little more complicated than the past years. Expectations... dude, you were shopping for a damn ring! Yeah... this was as serious as a dry keg two hours before kick off at Kinnick. Yeah, that serious. For some reason, in the back of your head... you had high expectations... but we've all been here before... you just knew this year was going to be different… But something didn't smell right. Especially when her father got involved.

He's always has been suspect of us. Her father started putting these tailgating restrictions. All of those cops on Melrose. The parking lots at Kinnick weren't making you feel like you lived in the Hawkeye State, but a Police State. We should have known from the beginning that indeed, something was up... and it wasn't gonna end well.

Enter our girl... the 2010 Iowa Hawkeyes.

The season started off great. No problems. Good two dates in Iowa City. All is well. Great times. Then we took a trip with her to Tucson, Arizona...which seemed exotic for us. Things could get a little freaky, right? Like freaky nice. Then there was the whole time change thing and we were both cranky. Bad weekend. We probably said a few things to each other... at a bad time. But hey, that was just the time change and stuff. No problem, we can work this out.

The next week? Good times were had again. She wore throwbacks... because we're into that. Yeah man. It was nice. Then beating JoePa again?! *hearts* A win like that calls for a blissful night in the hot tub if you catch my drift. Beating Michigan? In Ann Arbor? Yeah... nothing could go wrong between us and our girl now, Hawkeye Football. Damn, she's the best girl, ever.

But... Here's where it gets a little rocky... or Bucky if you will. Freaking Wisconsin.

Yeah, she let them have the Bull. You know.... that trophy with the Bull on it. Yes... that hurt... but could you really be hurt about a trophy that was just made a few years ago? Nah. We'll forgive her. Turns out, Bucky was good this year... no Bull trophy could come between us... right? No problem. It's OK. We can forget about this one... Sure... we both said a few things we shouldn't have said. But we made up. Next weekend will be better, she promises.

Ole Sparty came to Iowa City. Yeah... she showed him the door. She's pretty cute when she gets angry and puts a beat down on the conference frontrunner... of the time. It's like when she crinkles her nose when's she's mad. So cute. That's why we love her. She was mad and everything was alright. Which made her mad in nice ways later if you know what I'm sayin’… Hey yo!

Then we took a little trip to Indiana. No problems, right?

Yeah, we stayed in Indianapolis. And yeah... OK, so we may have spent too much time at the Broad Ripple bars the night before. We were pretty cloudy in the morning. Missed the bus... but caught a cab to Bloomington just in time. We got on each others nerves, but that’s how it goes. We won. Things would get better if we just took a little get away to Chicago for the weekend, right? Yeah, that's the ticket. A nice little weekend in the Windy City. We'll go out, maybe take her shopping on Michigan Ave... maybe take in a Second City Show... you know... just for fun. A nice little leisurely trip to Chicago....

Sigh… Yeah, not good. This weekend in Chicago was supposed to the weekend where we make up... maybe we get on a bended knee. We'll get closer to Roses... LA... Become one...

Wrong.

She got all pissy about leaving the seat up in the hotel... lots of yelling... lectures on how I... of all people, I needed to grow up. How'd that go? Yeah... quiet trip back to Iowa from the Windy City. But... all is fair... Brutus was coming to town. How could we not get excited for a date like that, right? Yeah... maybe after a win like that we could make the ask.... forever. Well... that wasn't a good weekend for our girl, either.

We had a great time... it was intense... all of the stuff that keeps you interested in this girl... then... we must have said something wrong. With a 2:30 start... I'll admit, we probably had too much to drink before kick off... but, that never harmed our relationship before, right? Then... Awe dammit... pissed away... in more ways than one. Call us Popeye... because we just got owned by Brutus for our girl again.

Double sigh...

But one last date to make it all better, right? One more and we'll have our selves a nice little New Years getaway where it’s warm and nice.

We love Floyd of Rosedale. He's child to us if you will... One more date up North. Nothing wrong could happen... could it? On to the Twin Cities and at this new joint. They don't serve beer. So... we're gonna need a little help to get her in the mood. We're gonna be outside... and from past experiences all year... we know we're in trouble with our girl. We would fight, make up and do it all again. Just like every single game of the season in the past. We prepared for this. But in the Twin Cities, well... we had a fight. Not just a lovers spat... put the kind of fight that doesn't end well with you're on again/off again girlfriend that is Hawkeye Football. The kind of fight where things are said and she kicks you square in the nuts.

Yeah, not awesome.

Was it something we said? Listen, I know Brutus the Buckeye is a handsome fellow... but him? Goldie? Goldie the freaking Golden Gopher? You had to let him win?! Really? Did that make you feel better? You let them have the pig?!! The Pig?!! Has it gotten that bad between us?! I know it was cold up there and all of that stuff... and yes, we should have bought you that designer winter coat at the Mall of America on our night out... Yeah yeah yeah... I know, it was freezing... but... you had to let them have the pig? You started to face facts... you knew this break up might be... final.

We were officially fighting after that chilly day in Minne-no-place.

That's when we got a little defensive. How could you?! After all the things, the tailgate restrictions by your father... all of our ups and downs... and now you're going to expect us to forgive and forget... and go to some Phoenix suburb for a bowl game?!! This is how this relationship ends?

This fight carried on. Off field problems. Players in trouble. Heroes disgraced... It was like she was playing a sick game of making us hurt. Rumors… charges… The embarrassment… This might be the final straw. It could be over…

Fast forward to this past week. You saw her texts... Missed calls… Voice mails…

Hit ignore... and delete.

Don’t pick up, dude... do not pick up that phone.

No need to put yourself through this again. All you get is hurt. And we all might have had enough pain…

But the funny thing about this girl named Iowa Hawkeye Football… she was your first and only… and it usually… doesn’t take much to get you back. That’s why you didn’t want to pick up that phone…

All that was waiting was more hurt on the other side of the phone...

Then… It happened. Just one spark. All it takes is one spark, and this one was some Ozark hillybilly Mizzou fan’s Facebook status talking smack about our girl…

No one, I mean no one talks about our girl like that. No one.

On Iowa! Go Hawks! AND GAME ON!

You pick up the phone… you dial and don’t even let her get a word in, “Babe, it’s me again. Let's work this out. Put on that black and gold thing you wear that drives me nuts and I’ll be there in a minute to pick you up. We’re going to Tempe.”

All of those heartbreaking losses… forgotten. Off field garbage? Forgotten. Iowa Hawkeye Football is our girl. And are we not going let some toothless low rent Big 12 school mess with our girl, right? Hell no.

We lock arms and head to Arizona. We're together again. *birds chriping*

So we get there and all the chatter for the game builds up. The Hawks have no chance. Missouri is favored. Too many distractions… this isn’t going to end well. Then you remember why we love her. This stuff just makes her pissed… and remember, she gets really really cute when she gets pissed. "Bring it... Mizzzzzourahhhh," she says in that hot chick voice. *hearts*

It’s Game Time at the Insight Bowl. We're baaaaaaack! Man did she look good last night. The Hawkeyes came out on all cylinders. It was awesome! Where was this Big 12 North super power we were sold on? Mizzou ain’t got nothin’ our girl. Then… Hyde’s interception for 6? Are you serious?!! Oh yeah, man. Oh… yeah.

Then, being the drama queen she always is… the review of that pass? It was of course incomplete… but not you and us, Iowa Football… you complete us. And that’s why the hurting has started to begin…

The wait…

We have to wait until next Fall to see you again. I can hear Hawks fans say it, “But, but, but wait?! We just got back together?! You have to go?!” She does, man… She does…

Iowa Football will be back next year… and she’ll look as fine as she did last night.

So start the countdown fellas… I know that I, like many of you Hawkeye fans, are already counting the days until we’ll see our sweet sweet love again… Iowa Hawkeye Football.

CHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEFS!!!!!!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!

*tears of joy*

I always believe....

Epic Christmas

Christmas is frigging awesome. Seriously, it's the season that makes me come to grips with the fact that... Though I am 33 years old... I'm basically a big kid. Ain't it cool how this time of year does that to you? Yeah, I thought so.

Anyways... since I'm not gonna be standing in line at a store when Mass starts tonight (Grant speak for "I actually have all my shopping done") I figured... I'd do a random Christmas thoughts post as my little stocking stuffer to all of you loyal readers out there. We'll call this post of random... Epic Christmas...

CHRISTMAS TUNES - How awesome are Christmas tunes? I mean there are some terrible ones (insert "Christmas in Iowa" song here)... It's just straight up freaking awful. When I hear this song it makes me want to tell my buddy of mine to meet me in the backyard and whip 3 dozen snowballs at my junk. Yeah. Not a fan. But... nothing like when you hear someone belt out a good one. I'm not much for the Christmas Radio Station bit... just on the mere fact that you have to listen to the crap songs. What's my Holiday Mix Tape? Anything with Frank Sinatra, Charlie Brown Christmas, Boston Pops (basically anything with horns) and maybe Cheech and Chong. Oh and anything done by the Roots. Oh and that Beach Boys one. And yeah, I'm total sucker for the Churchy songs. You know... the ones sang right by the hot chick in your confirmation class... the ones that brings the tears in the pews. Crazy good. How freaking awesome are those? Freaking awesome. I mean these guys who were writing these songs like a hundred years ago had to be like, "Dudes, some day... peeps are gonna be bawling by the end of this one." I shared that idea with my sister, she said, "They probably were brought to tears composing them." Good point April.
TRADITIONS - No matter if its the ones your ancestors brought over on the boat... Something your family does... or even that Ugly Sweater party... Every one's got em. My favorite? Christmas Eve in Jewell. I grew up on the same block as the church. So here's how it goes down... 5:30 Mass at Good Shepherd... then anyone who's around comes over to my parent's house. Not just like family... but family friends, sometimes the priest... my Dad's buddies... high school pals (and now their kids). They show up after Mass or stop before they head to their church's services, have some cocktails... get fat on all of the epic things my Mom cooked up and just hang out. Which makes for just a great night of laughs and holiday cheer. One year, they thought Midnight Mass would be a decent change. Yeah... still had the party at my folks... but headed to Mass later. Which made the snow drift in front of the parish doors rival most snow drifts on college campuses on a Thursday night. Hey, like I said, we live on the same block... Have road beers and Christmas spirit, will travel.
EPIC FOOD - Dudes... Are. You. Serious! The best evar. I'm not much of a sweets guy... but I can't stop eating Christmas cookies. The best part of having like... 60 aunts... is that they are off the chain in the kitchen. Add to the fact that my family is involved in farming one way or another... yeah, just about any thing you can make with a pork product is served. Big ass Bell's Mill ham... meat trays... pigs in a balnket... And if it didn't come from a pig, they'll wrap it in bacon and drown it in a sauce. Yeah man. No one goes hungry.
SANTA CLAUS - Yes, there is a Santa Claus. No doubt about it. Oh and for you Santa haters out there. Recognize. I know its not a very Christmasy thing to say... but if you say there ain't no Santa... you get what you deserve, nothing.
SPEAKING OF SANTA... and turning into a big kid. So I was outside the mall the other day, you know... smoke break. And a lady with two big crates of candy canes was coming up to the door. She was struggling a little with the large cargo... so I helped load 'em in the mall. I asked, "Hey wait a minute... are these Santa's candy canes?" As my eyes got wide, she grinned back at me saying, "Yep, that's right. These are Santa's candy canes." Then I go, "Dude, that's awesome!" Candy canes were delivered to the big man and I went back to shopping. But I sure had a glow of being important. I, of all people, just got to help out THE Santa Claus. What can I say, I'm just a big kid.
SAYING MERRY CHRISTMAS - Yeah yeah yeah. I hear you. I'm not much for lecturing people that it's Jesus' epic birthday. I say Merry Christmas... You can say Happy Holidays, Happy Festivus, Happy Hanukkah... Happy Saturday... whatever you want. I won't be offended. I don't care. If its this time of year, I say Merry Christmas... Just like I say "Go Chiefs" or just plain "CHIEEEEEEEEFS" to anyone I see on a Sunday.
CHRISTMAS PRESENTS - Shopping... gets a little stressful, sometimes... doesn't it? Is this what he wants? Will she fit in this? Is he into Legos yet or will he choke on 'em? What age is appropriate for Barbie? Don't buy it dude, someone may have gotten it for you... These are the thoughts that come to my head and are asked to better shopping experts than I. Of which I know gets a little annoying at times for them... what am I to do? I'm notta shopping expert. Was asked the other day, "What was the best Christmas gift you ever got?" With out even flinching... An authentic sideline team issue Kansas City Chiefs winter jacket... just like Marty Schottenheimer wore on many of those playoff runs. I think I was like 12 or 13... maye older... when I got it. My Mom says I about hit the ceiling when I opened it... literally. That my friends was a bad ass jacket. It was like before stores had all the authentic stuff. It came directly from Kansas City. Man that was a great jacket. And to answer your question, yes. When no one was around... I'd put it on, wore an old pair of my Dad's glasses and paced around the house... pretending like I was Marty telling Derrick Thomas, "Good job, Derrick. Keep working that guy." Um yeah, I think that's the first time I've ever admitted that.
THE END OF A YEAR - Cool part, I think at least, is that whole reflect on the last year stuff. 2010? I'd say it was decent. Not bad, not bad at all. Big wins in November... The Chiefs win and they're in the playoffs... Decent health... (heavy on the decent)... We can do better too in 2011, don't you think? Of course.

Alright... I gotta start negotiating my way back to God's County. Mass is at 6:30. So I gotta split...

Before I load up my sleigh of presents and head north, I have a brief message to all of you loyal readers, friends, family, haters, stalkers, even Denver Bronco fans... and everyone in between. Back at Good Shepherd up in Jewell, Father Recker would always end his homily with this line that I always kind of digged. He's was longtime drama coach for a big catholic high school somewhere back in the day... and it showed during Mass. Crazy good stuff.

Here's his line and my wish for you all...

"To you and yours. May you have a very Happy, a very Holy... a very Merry Christmas."

Driving with Bob Feller...

I was bummed to hear that the legendary Bob Feller was moved to hospice the other day. And yes... maybe I'm "going Iowan on you"... but this dude is awesome.

We all know his story. Amazing arm... he probably could pierce brick walls with his pitches. But on top of all the strike outs, no hitters and all the things that make him the epic hall of famer that he is... You baseball historians also know that left the game for four seasons during arguably the peak of his career. The Heater from Van Meter signed up for the Navy THE DAY after Pearl Harbor. Becoming the first Major League player to sign up and fight. Talk about bad ass. Over to you Ricky Stanzi. After his decorated stint in the Navy, he came back to doing what he did best... dominating the mound.

Anyways... anytime I hear the name Bob Feller... I'm always reminded of one my early and favorite experiences on the campaign trail.

I was a young college punk when I joined John Kasich for President in 1999. (yes, for you people smirking at home, John Kasich briefly ran for president). Rapid Robert endorsed Kasich early and did appearances for the campaign. It was mid summer and we had a tour for Kasich as we were building up our Ames Straw Poll efforts... and Bob Feller was going to tag along.

A week before our tour, Kasich dropped out of the race and endorsed George W. Bush. But we had already sent the postcards for all of the house parties. Our supporters were bummed John decided to get out of the race, but still wanted host John at their homes. So the campaign decided to make it a farewell tour... And Bob was still willing to tag along.

The day before the last day of the tour we were up in Humboldt County. I was a make shift advance man for the day. Just lending in on what needed to be done. The schedule was an event in Dakota City and end up in Des Moines for a staff dinner with John and Bob at the Iowa Beef Steakhouse on Euclid (great joint if you've never been).

The event up north ended and this is when I was told, "You're going to drive Mr. Feller back to Des Moines." Insert instant feeling of awesome. Good thing I cleaned my car the night before! After being given my instructions... Mr Feller and I jumped in my red Cutlass Supreme (great car) we were on our way. Was told Bob might wanna stop and check out some farm machinery along the way, which was fine. We had all afternoon to get back to Des Moines. (awesome sidenote, you can take the farm kid out of Iowa... but never the Iowa out of the farm kid, right?)

So we were on the road.

Bob was reading the newspaper and I'm just kind of freaking out... in a good way. For the first 15 minutes of the trip, we didn't talk much. I didn't think he would want some young punk political hack being all chatty. Which is when I started saying in my head, "DUDE, you have BOB FREAKING FELLER in your car! When are you ever going to be doing this again?!"

So I started the small talk. And then... we started chatting it up. "Hey Mr. Feller, you knew Babe Ruth, didn't you?" "George?" Feller smiled. "Yep, good man." And it was on. You name the legend? He knew him and had a story. I started rattling all of them off.

"Hey Mr. Feller, Ty Cobb. Everyone says he was a jerk, is that true." He smiled again. "Well, I got along with him. He was a great player."

"Joe DiMaggio, you knew him too?" Remember, Joltin' Joe had just passed away in the spring of that year. He again replied with a smile, "Joe and I were great friends. We went out to dinner all the time if we were in New York or they were in Cleveland."

The great thing about guys like Bob Feller, they love telling stories... and his are off the charts.

"So, when you went out for dinner, did you meet Marilyn Monroe?" "Yes, when they were married, on many occasions."

While I soaked up in my brush with greatness road trip with Bob... I couldn't stop thinking, "Dude, you are in the car. With a legend. And you are having a conversation about Marilyn Monroe. This is epic before things became epic." I kept asking, he kept answering. I'll never forget that trip. We made it back to Des Moines, scored steaks on the Eastside, such a good day. A great freaking day.

The last day of the Kasich-Feller tour ended at my parents' house up in Jewell. We had a great crowd... not only for John and Bob... but the Nadas were going to play in the backyard. You see, we had them signed to play the Straw Poll for Kasich... and since that wasn't going to happen... they played to end the tour.

It was you know, a typical event up in God's Country, Iowa. A politician... pork burgers... a living legend signing baseballs... a good band playing. No big whoop. (smirk)

I'll never forget the way Feller was with everyone on that day and on that tour. Always gracious. Always took a picture when asked. My Grandpa scored a click. I think he was pretty excited. That picture of him and Bob is still up on my Grandma's fridge. Not only was he meeting a great baseball hero of his... but a fellow Navy guy who served in World War II. It was pretty cool.

Anyways... anytime I hear Bob Feller's name... It takes me back to our little road trip. And again, I'll never forget it.

Here's to you Mr. Feller. I hope you're spending your time being comfortable. You're one of the greatest people I've met. Warm wishes and thoughts to you, your family and friends.

Tonight! Tonight!

Alright alright! Today I complete my 33rd trip around the Sun. Pretty awesome. Thank you for all the tweets, texts, emails, call and all that stuff. Birthdays are epic.

Also, thank you all for pitching in for milk money. You people are freaking awesome.

OK... again, here's the deets for the shin dig. Tonight I age... and then we rage! Crank some tunes... then... score a gyro. I know, how cool ist that?!

What: G$ @ 33 for 33

When: TONIGHT - 6:00pm until whenever

Why: Have fun and help others by chipping in for 33 gallons of milk for those who really need it.

Where: Johnny’s Hall of Fame, Downtown Des Moines, 4th and Court

SEE YOU ALL THERE!!!!!!

Next Thursday....

Loyal Readers,

Hope everything is going great! Next Thursday, September 30th, I will complete my 33rd trip around the Sun. For you people in Story City reading this, it means it's my 33rd birthday. (smirk)

In the past, along with great friends, we’ve held huge blow out bashes that were legendary. But we're all getting a little old now and are busy with other things that life brings along. It's all good, we're old… This is what happens.

Lately, I've spent a little time helping out at the Central Iowa Shelter. In the kitchen JD, the head cook, told me that one of the top items they need on a regular basis are simply gallons of milk. You know, for breakfast and to try to provide a basic balanced meal for those who can't provide for themselves.

Man, think about that. I know there are some there who stay there that are off to brand new jobs or job interviews the next day. Just trying to get their life back together. You may never know how much a bowl of Wheaties in the morning could make such a difference. So here's what I want to do for my 33rd time around the Sun. I want you all to join me to have a little fun with all of my favorite people... And help some folks out.

Here's the goal, last time I was at HyVee (proud sponsors of your Iowa Barnstormers) a gallon of 2% was going for $3.49. Since I'm going to be 33, I figure let's raise enough cash for 33 jugs of milk for the Central Iowa Shelter. That's about $120 when you round some things up.

Can we make a difference? You bet! All while having a good time? But of course.

So here's the deets...

What: G$ @ 33 for 33
When: Thursday, September 30 - 6:00pm until whenever
Why: Have fun and help others by chipping in for 33 gallons of milk for those who really need it.
Where: Johnny’s Hall of Fame, Downtown Des Moines, 4th and Court
RSVP to grantyoung72@hotmail.com

Thanks to a proud sponsor of your Iowa Barnstormers, Johnny’s Hall of Fame will have drink specials for those willing to pitch in on the milk money. See? We got you hooked up.

So keep next Thursday after work open, get a sitter… get the neighbor to let the dog out… reschedule that oil change… “shampoo your hair” another night and come on out. Feel free to forward this on to others I may have missed. The more the merrier.

See you then,

G.

Vroom Vroom!

Well well... here we are. Reagan Dinner Day and if you aren't here tonight... keep clicking here. We got you covered. if you come to the thinger? Stop on by and say hey... Should be a good night of mulitple posts... scoop and other things that may not be interesting at all. Some of the things we'll be chatting up...

PALIN'S BIGGER DAY - Since we talked last, I said the most understated thing in a while... this is a huge day for Sarah Palin. If you sifted through all the news and buzz on this trip... a few things jump out....

1. Eric Woolson knocked it out of the park with this John Glenn 1984 quote.
2. All signs are pointing to a run
3. If you want to win Iowa, you have to play here... we're not much for flirts... you're going to have to ask us out.

Tons of media types gonna be in the house tonight... CSPAN covering it live... dudes... get your popcorn popped... ice down that 12er of Milwaukee's Best Light... Political Dorks of the World unite!

DEMINT 2012 - As in South Carolina Senator Jim DeMint... So this stuff is finally starting to surface. Been hearing that he was being courted... quietly. From what I have been told, the Tea folk dig him better than Palin... just on the substance side of things. And the interesting bit of the day... Bob Vander Plaats is hitting up his staff to come to Iowa. Which just blows up a whole bunch of theories... speaking of 2012.

IS THAT C-RAIG? Dudes.... I know you loves yesterday's video. But as a couple of loyal readers pointed out... is that the founder and editor in chief of The Iowa Republican in the first 10 seconds of the video of awesome? Hmmmm.... New feature? QCI Investigates... and another reason to post the video again... you be the judge.

Vroom vroom party starter! See you all in a while...

Answering the REAL important questions of the day

I can't believe I haven't said anything about this earlier, my bad. Anyways... a few weeks back I made the trek up to South Dakota for my cousin Angie's wedding. Side note: man oh man is that a long drive. Good times had by all, just like we always do in my family....

BUT, along the way I found out the answer to a very important question that was asked about 8 years ago...

"So they serve hamburgers at Taco Johns?"

On my way to South Dakota... I stopped at the Taco John "Mexpress" (epic) in Rockwell City... and I got the answer.

Hamburgers, no. Taco Burgers, yes. So technically they do serve burgers. Ending a long debate.

So there you have it.

Yes. Yes, they do serve burgers at Taco Johns.

And the Earth is a better place for it.

Stanhope, Iowa is Epic

It’s a great day to be from God’s Country today my friends! Not only is Saturday… a National Holiday back home… the 53rd Stanhope Watermelon Day… but it just gets better… Tonight… Stanhope, Iowa… is going to be on National Television!!! At 9:00pm Iowa time tonight… on Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations… on the Travel Channel.

Why? They will feature a long time business and not so hidden treasure… the Stanhope Locker. And for those in the know… it is epic. Seriously dudes. Stanhope Locker is off the chain… and so is their famous beef jerky.

I think I’ve said this before… but I love it when my friends and loyal readers say, “Dude, drove through Jewell yesterday.” Or texting me, “Dude, going through Stanhope.” My first response is… Good! Stop and spend some money! And if you are in the area… you’ll wanna spend some money on the good stuff. And where is the good stuff? The Stanhope Locker. I guarantee you… if you stop there once… you’ll be back every chance you can.

Of course the beef jerky is worth the drive. But… I’m tellin’ ya dudes… you won’t find better pork burgers than the ones they got at the Locker. Yeah… I know… it is pretty hard to mess up a pork burger… and I have had many. But for some reason… the ones from Stanhope are the best ones I have ever had. And the same goes for just about everything there. It’s hard to explain until you’ve had it. Also... for you hunters out there… they are crazy good with processing deer. So good, they usually have a waiting list.

Dudes… I loves me some Stanhope Locker. I’m a pretty lucky guy. Why? It’s pretty safe to say… me, my family, and many others in God’s Country grew up on meat from the Stanhope Locker. So off the chain… it’s crazy freaking good.

So… alright… be sure to check it out tonight! Travel Channel tonight, 9pm Iowa Time… or Central Time for you folks up in Story City. Here’s some linkage for you on tonight’s showcase of one of the best places to hit when you’re God’s County…

Flyover Foodie - #goodjoboutofyou Noreen! Wonder who you sources are!

Des Moines Register – Of course they go gaga over the Des Moines stop. One of my favs too! But… C’mon son! Give God’s County some pub.

City of Stanhope – Everything you need to know about Stanhope and Stanhopeans.

Side note here… if you’re looking for a pretty cool day this weekend? Head on up to Stanhope this Saturday! Dudes, you’re kids will think you’re off the chain… and you are gonna score some epic food… both in the Stanhope Park and at the Locker. Oh and free Watermelon all afternoon. Just bring your own fork is all they ask.

So there you have it. Man this is so awesome. Stanhope freaking Iowa is on TV tonight Noice! Something like this makes you want to crank an epic tune! Hit it fellas… and stay thirsty my friends.

Breaking News - The Rumors are true... I'm Joining the Big Ten.

Yes... after a long long talk with friends, family and people that I really trust... I've decided to join the Big Ten. So get this Baylor, you can suck on that! I don't even know what that means... but we'll get to that in a minute.

Freaking Primary Night was fun. Good to see so many loyal readers and a lot of my favorite people. Pretty effing awesome that #goodjoboutofyou and #epic are going mainstream in Iowa Politics. Oh and the final verdict on the last Gameday post? Yeah... it was a little edgy. A little long... but epic. This year's writers effing knocked it out of the park. Yeah... some of the bits are probably something you wouldn't read a loud inside St. John's Basillica... but we never claimed to be here at the World's Crappiest Blog. We're sorry... we're sorry we're awesome.

So we're officially in the General Election. Let's get a little random to get caught up. So many things going...

ABOUT LAST NIGHT - Yeah... No real surprises in the Primaries... unless you look to the 2nd and 3rd. Holy blow outs Batman! Just goes to show what name ID and a good ground game will do for you. No Virginia, there will be no conventions. Which is a good deal for the party as a whole.
MOOD OF THE ELECTORATE - Last night proved what I have been saying for a long time about the Tea Party stuff. It's not as strong or this massive movement as people think. At least not hear in Iowa (and judging by results elsewhere). Don't get me wrong. I love these guys... support what they're saying... all that stuff. But it's not organized in a way the media and others make it to be... say like the Evangelicals/Christian Alliance types. Before you send your hate mail... hear me out. Tea Party types are independent by nature... Very Libertarian. Thus hard to organize or stay all on the same page. Where as your Evangelicals/ICA types... I'm just saying its easier to organize a church than it is to organize a mob. Again, I'm not saying that the Tea Party isn't realivent... it's just not the end all be all in this thing. And anyone else telling you that it is? Has a Kool Aid mustache.
NO I'M NOT IGNORING YOU, I'M IN COMMUNICATION HELL - Urgh... dammit. For those of you who know me best. Most of you think I sleep with my phone... take a shower with my phone... and whatever weird freaky deaky things you think I do with a phone? Yeah... you think I do that. Sickos. It's just the way I am. I know a lot of people. I like most of them... so therefore I like communicating with them. Hence if you've been BBMing me... you're sending them... well... to me... but here's the thing. I'll explain...

For those of you who don't know and as a special public service announcement for you slow ones up in Story City.... Coffee and Blackberries do not like each other. At. All. For real. I got one on its way... its just... completely blows goats. And not even having it on Election Night. Yeah I know... not on effing Election Night. And who's fault is it? Yeah, I'm looking at you Nebraska... way to ruin everything... Nah... seriously, for all of you who know me well... I agree with you, I can't believe this doesn't happen to me more often. There's a lot of times... if you want something totally screwed up... call me. I'm very good at it... and I'm an expert at the ridiculous.

Meanwhile I can be reached in my 1999 state of communications. Yes, that ghetto. Also... when did we all become such phone snobs?

QCI FACEBOOK STATUS OF THE DAY

"So and so... Voting is my favorite freedom. I just love it. During that time in the booth a diaper man's kid is just as powerful as the richest person in the country."

Kind of an epic thing this thing you call voting.

BIG TEN AND COLLEGE MADNESS - Yeah... it's happening. Also... you heard it here first. Notre Dame will join the Big Ten. As much as Golden Domers want to tell me until you are gold and blue in the face... that they never will... Yeah. You better go find that little black dress Notre Dame. Because you're hooking up with Big Ten. That's right QCI-ders... the hot hot chick that has been turning them down for date for over 100 years... won't turn him down this time. Yups... the Big Ten has figured it out with TV success... Yeah... this ain't no little fun little fling on the side you have had with the Big East. Not even close Notre Dame. You've moved on from the random hook ups with these East Coast types... And you've moved on from your idea that NBC can get you fancy things... The Big Ten like dropped some weight. Looks better than he used to. Oh yeah... and the Big Ten gots duh money coming... it's OK, we won't judge. We know you don't wanna lose out on this hunky looking sugar daddy.
IOWA STATE - Yeah... I'm looking at you Cyclone fans... you are effed. Before you send me hate mail... think about it. Seriously? You don't think so? Yeah... don't come crying to me about it. Also, stop with the "well we will just join the Big Ten... we are a natural fit." Um yeah... a... the Big Ten is gonna get some naughty time with the hot chick its been chasing for more than a Century... they totally have time for you now. Yups... because they don't. They own the Iowa television thing... and now... You'll even get to watch a Big Ten game in Western Iowa. Oh and speaking of television stuff... You I-Staters will be on the tube more often! Get this Cyclone fans... I hope you like weeknight football! Score! The MAC plays lots of games during the week. So you got that going for you. My advice to Iowa State Fans... I'd start saving those vacation days for the Fridays in the Fall. Because, you're gonna need those to recover after all those Natty Lights you had in Ames the night before. Oh and you're welcome, Cloners. It's because I'm a giver.
BIG LUG AND THE BIG 12 - Oh and Governor Culver? While you're busy getting involved in this? Don't bother... by the time this deal is done... you won't be in office. Again, just saying...

AND FINALLY... Man, has hockey season been great this year? Holy hell it has. Man... Sad to see it end here soon... but I wanna thank the Blackhawks for reminding me that the Fratelli's are epic... like I need to be remined... OK... I gotta score a burger and some hockey while it last. Stay thirsty my friends.

2010 Primary Gameday - Congressionals and Governor

[crowd beginning to form on Flanny’s Patio]

CHRIS FOWLER: Welcome back to Tim Flanagan’s Restaurant and Lounge. We’re back to talk Congressional… and to pull an audible on you? We’re doing the Governors race too. Fellas we lots to cover. Let’s jump into it.

BEANO COOK: Notre Dame.

FOWLER: (Sigh…) Alright… talking Federal races. We have the “Big 3”… and yes this is a conference the Republicans want to make some expansion. First the standard bearer, Chuck Grassley.

KIRK HERBSTREIT: Chris, anyone who thinks that Grassley is going down this year, needs to put down the pipe. Right Coach?

LEE CORSO: Kirk, we agree. Chuckles cruises to victory, but down a bumpy highway… could be made bumpier if not navigated well by campaign.

FOWLER: Beano?

BEANO: Like Red Grange rolling over the Midwestern Steps, This man just keeps rolling along like the Mighty Mississippi, the only real question is how long can this ship keep running, and who steps up to take the baton?

CROWD: Heyyyyy!!!!!! Grassley works! Grassley works! …

FOWLER: Let me throw another softball at you guys. Steve King.

CORSO: Chris, another win and look toward a higher office… Hmm?

BEANO: This feels like déjà vu, like a Golden Domer winning the Heisman in the 50s, but I guess we’re back at 2 years for this man to show up, chew bubble gum, and kick ass.

PACK OF DRUNK COLLEGE KIDS IN THE BACKGOUND: Effin’ aye John Deere right! Yeahhhhhhhh!

[Crowd roars]

FOWLER: The love themselves some Beano and Steve King today.

HERBSTREIT: No contest. A lot like the same situation as Latham.

CROWD: [starting to bring the Gameday rowdiness] TL! *clap clap* TL!! *clap clap* TL!!!! *clap clap*….

FOWLER: Perfect segway, Kirk. Coach, your take on Latham this year?

CORSO: Chris, he already won this election 2 years ago.

BEANO: Tom Latham. Another rock solid star. Have I mentioned Notre Dame lately?

FOWLER: Yes. Yes you did, Beano. Now, how about sending some help with these guys next January. Now we have a little action in the other three. Let’s start in the First District. Guys, not much buzz in this one. Winner takes on Braley. Four guys running. Is this a tough one Coach?

CORSO: In what is the most difficult general election congressional district for Republicans, the 1st district, I hope a good challenger emerges. For all the attention primaries are getting this June this race is being lost in the shuffle. Whoever can afford to run an effective mail program wins easy; I think that person will be Ben Lange. Beano, what do you got?

BEANO: While I enjoyed the writings of Jim Budde, check them out some time… and I love that LaCoste is going to vote for himself rather than endorse someone else. I am going to give this one to Ben Lange in the battle of campaigns that makes old Beano realize he’s too old for this shit. And are those campaign websites, or Facebook friend pages, Beano can’t tell anymore.

FOWLER: Beano, you and your interwebs. Kirk?

HERBSTREIT: If the Albany Great Danes, Furman Paladins, Stony Brook Seawolves, and the Richmond Spiders had a round robin tournament to see who got pulverized by the 2010 Hawkeyes….would you pay attention? Me either… this is the political equivalent. Some good talent in this race. Thank you for waving the flag.

CROWD: Booooo…..

FOWLER: Kirk, love you for bringing the snarky sexy back. Agreed gentlemen. Now on to a raise where there’s no need for a snooze button… you need a pancho for the mud actually. The Second District.

CORSO: Getting a little nasty Chris.

FOWLER: Yes it has Coach, some familiar faces are battling out East. Fake Facebook accounts, emails… all this stuff. Beano… since you’ve behaved so far today, you get first crack.

BEANO: I’ll go with 3M on this one, I like the name and I think that might be something to get some fannies down to their local voting locales. Reminds me of this time a young Woody Hayes asked me to show up for some for some extra curriculars with some Buckeye cheer girls, long story short Woody and I killed them and buried them in the woods… as any one from Ohio State is evil, good times though. Get out and vote.

CROWD: Whoah…… [concerned looks on their faces]

HERBSTREIT: Easy there, Beano.

[Fowler and Corso… disturbed looks back on their face]

FOWLER: And we were doing so well… Kirk, let’s keep pushing forward. Your take?

HERBSTREIT: While this race is muddled and hectic the fact that Loebsack is Loebsack makes the primary interesting. We got a shot here. Gettemy makes the lace entrance and rumor has it has money. Mariannette “3M” Miller-Meeks is running again for a seat she made a run at before. Rathje is running again but this time has focused more on being a real candidate and less on tanning. Reed is back after making a gallant run at Tommy Harkin. All 4 are could put together a run at Loebsack, I can’t say that name enough…its just funny. I think Miller-Meeks comes out on top simply because she has the infrastructure here and she never stopped working. This could easily go to convention which becomes a worst case scenario for 3M.

FOWLER: Interesting, Kirk. I hear it’s closer than most think. Coach… Do we have a convention here?

CORSO: We have a real bare-knuckle brawl for the Second District and it’s a sloppy track in this horse race. They are fighting dirty, its going to take all four quarters and it still might not be enough in this mud bowl. It’s a three way race to 35 percent and it’s a close one! Do I smell a little overtime?! Maybe, or that stench could be coming from the errand campaign attacks that seem to be the MO in CD2. And it might get worse! It could be a convention call if Christopher Reed… Did you know he got over 500 thousand votes for US Senate… I heard that somewhere… gets enough over 500 votes to get around or above 5 percent, although I wouldn’t bet on it. But if this thing goes to overtime, let me tell you folks, you think it’s getting ugly now haven’t seen anything yet. A convention in the loony land of Linn is a recipe for a stink bomb that will have lingering fallout through and possibly beyond the general election. For the love of Jesus T’s somebody better end this thing Tuesday! And if Gettemy is not afraid to spend all of his Jesus t-shirt money he may be able to do it. Rathje might be able to creep up to 35, but his campaign reeks of desperation so I find that very unlikely. But wait a minute… through that cloud of dirt I see a Woody Hayes-esq game plan in action. Its Miller-Meeks’ three yards and a cloud of dust ground attack, she’s been everywhere, working overtime and 3M’s risky mail only strategy might just pay off. Down the final stretch it’s 3M by a nose, followed closely by Gettemy who will Place, and Rathje who will Show. A convention is narrowly avoided giving Mariannette her second shot at Congressman Dumbsack, err Libsack, um Noesack, I mean Loebsack.

CROWD: SAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!! [Crowd is now getting Cedar Rapids crazy with their rowdiness]

FOWLER: Let see here. For those of you scoring at home…. That’s 2 Woody Hayes references, Jebus T-Shirts and some sort of shout out to Scott Stanzel from the crowd all in one district’s predictions… this is a QCI event.

CROWD: [getting into a frenzy…. Enter G$.... And G$ is now… crowd surfing?] Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! G MONEY! G MONEY! G MONEY!

FOWLER: And G$ is crowd surfing. Epic. This Second District will be interesting… I say toss up. Now… to the top Congressional race in the state. The Third District. Kirk, tons of notes on this one.

HERBSTREIT: Chris, this is gonna get wild. OK, brutal round of elimination. If your name isn’t Funk, Zaun, Gibbons, or Rees sit down. Mark Rees warrants conversation only because he has done well with his signs and received the Register endorsement. In addition, a big Branstad push in Polk County will help Rees. But any Republican who gets the Register endorsement for saying the things Rees said in a Republican primary is toast. Oh and signs just make candidates feel good….they don’t vote.

That leaves the 3 real contenders in what I think may be the most interesting race on June 8th. Funk, fundraising has been alright, but this guy has a great story, works his tail off and has really courted the Tea-Party. I like this guy and I think he will be around. Serious potential here to cause the liberals fits.

Zaun, huge advantage in a powerful network in the Republican vote rich areas of Western Polk County. Zaun is a populist who relates well to everyone. No one out works Zaun in a campaign….ever.

Gibbons, big chucks of money, great hard worker. Yes Gibbons moved into the district to run. Guess what, that happens and it doesn’t change elections. Gibbons’s name ID isn’t that high. Quick name the ISU wrestling coach….yeah I don’t know either. Rumor has it Gibbons has lotso debt and restricted money. Not good. Also, what the heck does “Burn the Boats” mean. That might be sweet for a wrestling team moto but if you have to explain your campaign motto….every time you speak…for months on end…its not a good campaign motto.

Funk hit the ground running and looked like a dark horse. Zaun jumped in and it was his to loose until Gibbons brought his ATM fundraiser machine in and made it interesting. Where does it go from here?

My gut reaction is there is a slight Zaun edge right now. Zaun has been working it harder and longer and has better name id in the part of the district that is voter rich. Gibbons has money and is pouring it on over the airwaves he is also a stellar candidate. If Jim had jumped in sooner and run a better campaign, I would tip my hat. Funk is going to be the shocker. He will do well. A great deal of support, good candidate, hard worker. However, I don’t think he can beat Zaun or Gibbons on Election Day. Zaun wins and keeps it out convention….barely….probably.

FOWLER: That close?

HERBSTREIT: since there nearly as many candidates as voters in this election there is a very real change this goes to convention. At convention, it’s Zaun vs. Funk ant it’s frankly to close to call. Gibbons has no shot in a convention. I have heard the Zaun camp says they have enough delegates locked up to win it with ease. Trouble is Funk says they are within in striking distance too. Me thinks some one has counted wrong. Whomever we have on June 9th they are going to be a great candidate and have a great shot at taking out liberal Nancy Pelosi’s favorite central Iowan.

CROWD: Yeah!!!!!! GM *clap clap* LB *clap clap* GM *clap clap* LB *clap clap* GM *clap clap* LB *clap clap*…

FOWLER: Beano? I hate to even ask… thoughts?

BEANO: I hate to narrow this down to a three horse race, but like the Big Ten every year, I think the cream rises to the top and we all know the Gophers aren’t going to win it again this year. I remember Bo Schembechler once told me that to really win that greatest of conference titles, you had to sell your soul to Satan and beat two dozen kittens to death while naked in a corn field. Does that advice ring true in the Third? Not really, I just wanted everyone to know that Bo really hated Kittens.

FOWLER: Why? Just why?

BEANO: Anyway, The old Bean Eater is going to predict Brad Zaun in this one. As much as I would love to tell GMLB to “FUNK OFF” I go with Zaun and maybe some other clever play on words that has the Letter Z in it.

CROWD: [getting Veisha-ish rowdy… a few burning couches] Yeah!!!!!! GM *clap clap* LB *clap clap* GM *clap clap* LB *clap clap* GM *clap clap* LB *clap clap*…

FOWLER: The crowd seems to want to take ole GMLB down… Coach help us wrap up the Congressionals…

CORSO: In what is turning out to be a very exciting race to the finish… And to this point a mighty clean one I might add, Kirk.

HERBSTREIT: Darn right, Coach. A touch of class in this one.

CORSO: It’s a real two horse race with a couple decent vote getters coming in third and forth. For a race as close as this you would expect to see more mud flying, but so far it has looked like a game of gentleman. Leads me to believe, Kirk, that a couple of these candidates know something that we don’t, or are lying in the weeds ready to pounce at the last minute. I don’t particularly trust the demeanor. It could mean three things, both frontrunners Gibbons and Zaun like their polling numbers, which means one of their pollsters stink. Another possibility with funds at a premium one of them isn’t polling - which is not likely. It could be the mud slingshot is just getting calibrated for a last minute snipe. But when you study the tape, we have two solid players at the helm with different strengths. Is it political experience and motivating the team that will that will carry the day, or is it cash packed coffers that takedown the opposition. I’m really wrestling with this pick. It’s really hard to pin down who I should elect, I mean select. Let me tell you something, I keep going back and forth, reversing my opinion; the Coach, the Mayor, the Champ, the Senator, holy moly it’s a great matchup but I have to go with…. Hmmm… the Champ Jim Gibbons to win by technical fall!!! This one won’t have to go to overtime, and it’s a cant lose situation. Bye, Bye Boswell!

CROWD: [Frenzy is getting Kentucky Derby infield crazy… and chants] Bye bye Boswell!!!!! * clap clap, clap clap clap* Bye bye Boswell!!!!! * clap clap, clap clap clap* Bye bye Boswell!!!!! * clap clap, clap clap clap* Bye bye Boswell!!!!! * clap clap, clap clap clap*

FOWLER: Fellas… interesting. I agree. Should be a wild night in Central Iowa. And now… let’s go to the big one. The one everyone is talking about.

CROWD: [insane frenzy has begun… DMPD arriving in riot gear] YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOWLER: Now… the Des Moines Register announced their poll this weekend. And if you’re over in the Roberts or the Vander Plaats headquarters… You might need a little pep talk. And we have you covered. And now from one of the Masters… Via satellite here’s a pep talk from Lou Holtz… Coach, pep these folks up.

LOU HOLTZ: Thank you Chris. Men… I haveth to tell yeah. Helluva job.

Men… I’m talking to you fellasth in Carroll, Team Roberts. You are a classth act. You’ve come a long way down this road, if things don’t work out Tuesday, I knowth you’ll give a good clean handsthake after everything is done. Old Lou knows that bad blood can run deep, but you’re nosth that kind of men. You’ve made Old Lou proud.

Men… Team BVP… I realithe its been 82 long years since Bob first began running for governor. And there have been some rough patches. But even the bethst have had some rough patches. Look at the Rick Mirer era. But the powerhouthe programs rebound. And Bob is just that kind of powerhouthe.

Lithen here men, this is the biggetht day of your lives. Terry Bransthad might be winning in the polls. But if the last decade has taught us anything its that Bob is firstht in Hawkeye hearths. So, let’s go. It’sth time to run down the field like Raghib Ishmael with linemen blatantly clipping Colorado Buffalos at every turn. Get dirty. Bring out the big guns. And we all know there isth no bigger gun in the world than Walker Texas Ranger. He’s like Jesus, mixed with Rockne, mixed with Rod Tidwell. He will show you the money. And the vothes.

So men, it might look bleak. You might question your very being. You might wonder why you have waved signs and eaten Dutch letters, and courted evangelical pastors, and attacked any viable candidate our party could possibly put forth for what theems like an eternity. You might think to yourself that Terry Branstad is a stronger opponent than Mitt Romney. But don’t doubt yourself now. We know we have the big guy on our side.
Men, did Moses give up with the Egyptians bombed Pearl Harbor. No. Some rules are made to be broken. And some men are meant to be Championths. You are meant to be a Champion.

Be a Champion today men. Go win this thing. Irith on three.

CROWD: [riot levels at an all time QCI high]

FOWLER: From the master himself. Thank you Dr. Lou. You gotta play the game.

CORSO: I wanna run through a brick wall now! Nice job Coach!

FOWLER: And the mascot head is officially on the stage.

CROWD: [deafening roar] YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOWLER: Prediction time. This is the grand daddy… and I know Beano loves him some Rose Bowl… so start us of Mr. Cook.

BEANO: Lou you know better than anyone on my take... But this one is the Notre Dame vs. Miami matchup we all want to see. I apologize to Rob Roberts as he seems like a good guy, but this is a two person dance and one that might not have a mid field handshake when all is said and done. Beano is a Big Ten guy, but is also a Big TenT guy. And no, I did not hide a secret 11 in my Big TenT. I think that I am going to call this one for the Mustache and hopefully with no collateral damage to the party.

FOWLER: Lots and lots of Notre Dame references today. Kirk, is this the year of the ‘Stache?

HERBSTREIT: Chris… This is the big one and the most anticipated Republican primary in Iowa in years. Culver is vulnerable and the winner on June 8th will have a great shot at moving to 2300 Grand Ave. With all the twists and turns this primary has taken and all the characters who have jumped in and eventually bowed out it is time to put this thing to bed.

FOWLER: Break it down for us, Kirk.

HERBSTREIT: Vander Plaats has been running for Governor since his parents were dating. I respect the guy and he works his tail off, but seriously sometimes the little engine just can’t. He has a large base of strong supporters who will outwork and outlast anyone who doesn’t have a mustache. BVP has raised more money than expected but I am not sure what they are doing with it. BVP also has support you can’t put a money value on. The IFPC took a shot of saki and aimed their plane at the USS Branstad on his behalf and Deace has been talking up BVP so much its borderline a corporate campaign contribution from the folks over on Grand. That aside, BVP has worked hard and should be commended for fighting for conservatives.

CORSO: Well put, Kirk.

HERBSTREIT: Rod Roberts is the nice guy in the race. The former pastor from Carroll has been all over the state quietly building a strong base. Roberts hasn’t had as much luck raising money but he has done the best he can on a shoestring budget. Rod is also in the right place at the right time. He will be the natural landing spot for people uneasy or unsatisfied with bringing back Branstad, and sick and tired of BVP running for Governor.

FOWLER: And Branstad?

HERBSTREIT: Terry’s reentry to the Iowa political scene did two things. Crushed the gubernatorial hopes of some candidates and made mustaches important again. These guys are putting on a clinic. Dave Vaudt’s endorsement was a prime example. Not a peep on who it was and when I did get a tip it was an hour before the announcement from someone who NEVER has bad info….and it was wrong. The KGB couldn’t keeps stuff covered this well. Fundrasing. Really if you don’t know about this then you have probably been under a rock. TEB outraised his opponents. TEB outraised his opponents combined. TEB outraised his opponents combined many times over. TEB has raised and spent more than the rest combined many times over and STILL has more on hand then they have raised combined. Either the mustache generates money or these guys just work harder than anyone thought possible. You don’t have to like the guy and you do not have to vote for him. However you cannot look at that machine and not be impressed. It was apparently impressive enough for the Democrat warlord Robert Tully to get worried find some trial lawyer money mix in some Union funding and come out guns blazing in an attempt to slow down the train.

FOWLER: You guys are loving the ‘Stache. What’s you’re score Kirk?

HERBSTREIT: The results of this race will shock people. No, no one is gonna stop the Stash, but Roberts will come from no where and finish second. Since we all know who comes out on top at the end I’ll stick my neck out and say Branstad 58, Roberts 22, BVP 20. Hats off to a well run campaign. I think all the campaigns did the best they could with what they got under the circumstances. The really bad news for Mr. Tully and Gov. Culver is the unity within the party. No matter who you support the thing I hear more often than not, is Chet has to go.

CROWD: [deafening chant] T! E! B!!!! T! E! B!!!! T! E! B!!!! T! E! B!!!! T! E! B!!!! T! E! B!!!! T! E! B!!!!

FOWLER: It’s time… the last prediction from the old coach…

HERBSTREIT: I’m going to get step away here… Coach! Bring us home!

CORSO: After a large slate of competitive and great races it comes down to the big enchilada!

HERBSTREIT: Enchilada yum, there’s this great Mexican place in Tempe Arizona that has the best enchiladas.

CORSO: Kirk, not so fast my friend… Whoo whoo we aren’t going there. I’m talking about the race for Iowa’s Chief Executive. Let’s start with the governor candidate newcomer Rod Roberts, what can you say about him, class act all the way around. Genuine good guy and he has statewide ads to boot. Not the one to sleep on, could it be the shocker of the decade? Not if the veterans have anything to say about it. Bob Vander Plaats, where have I heard that name before? It sounds very familiar, oh that’s right it’s the year 2010, another Iowa Gubernatorial election is upon us and you know what that means, Bob Vander Plaats is on your ballot folks! That’s right BVP may be Dutch but is the third time his lucky charm? He is all over my TV screen, has launched a lot mud at debates and has big money liberal backing.

FOWLER: What?! BVP has Liberal backing?

CORSO: You got that right, unsolicited too. Liberal front group Iowans for Responsible Government is running interference and is driving around in an ambiguously marked spreader slinging so much of the stinky stuff you’d thought you stepped in it! And who are they slinging that stuff at? You all know him, he’s the undefeated Hall of Famer Terry Branstad who’s seen enough, is fed up and is coming out of retirement to do something about it. This is how it’s gonna go down folks, Roberts has run a solid campaign. Lasted a lot longer than anyone thought and is taking it all the way. Upset of the decade…already? Vander Plaats has stormed Iowa for nearly a decade, he is very well known, and pretty well liked by most measures. But he has saddled himself up with some pretty undesirable company. Forget take their ball and go home, some talk about burning the boats and taking the island. This guys surrogates have left the boats, burned the bridges, scorched the earth and poisoned the well in an attempt to leave nothing behind for anyone whether it be Bob or not. With friends like those who needs enemies, right Beano?

BEANO: Notre Dame.

CORSO: When you ally with people committed to burning the entire party down to the ground, in the end it could hurt him more than it will help him. The Country is burning; these people do a lot more fighting the firemen than fighting the fires. But enough preaching from this old man let’s get to a prediction. Rod Roberts stays above the fray and… upset of the decade? I don’t think so, but he likely positioned himself for a very nice gig serving Iowans in another capacity. Bob Vander Plaats certainly has passionate supporters, but is it enough to put him over the top, could it be that his experience running for office paid off? Has the negativity stuck to Branstad? Has Governor Terry Branstads Record brought him down? Branstad has stayed above the fray and has the proven experience to run and win. But don’t call it a comeback folks… wait not so fast my friends! The Iowa comeback express will be full steam ahead on June 9th… The state of Iowa will have a clear choice between surpluses and deficits, between common sense and incompetence, between honesty and transparency or corruption and shenanigans. Between Conservative and Liberal, it will be an easier choice in November than it is now folks!

CROWD: [building frenzy of anticipation]

CORSO: Governor Branstad has kicked ass then and he’ll do it again. [slaps the desk] I’m going Branstad!!! [Corso puts on Branstad mascot head]


CROWD: [ear bleeding roar and chant] YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! TEB! TEB! TEB! TEB!

CORSO: Yeah!!!!!!! The ‘Stache is back!!!!!! TEB! TEB!

CROWD: [DMPD riot squads begin marching… crowd out of hand] TEB! TEB! TEB! TEB! TEB!

FOWLER: There you have it. Predictions have been made and the vote is on. Don’t for get to vote everyone! Good night, now.

2010 Primary Gameday - Statewides

CHRIS FOWLER: Live, on the new ridiculous death trap in street redesign that is Ingersoll Avenue… We’re at Tim Flanagan’s Restaurant and Lounge… It’s that time of year, so it’s QCI Primary Gameday. I’m Chris Fowler. In less than a week… the polls will be open. But the scheming and strategery continues. With me as always Kirk Herbstreit and Lee Corso. Fellas, welcome back.

KIRK HERBSTREIT: Chris, what a different a year and a half makes. I’m pumped.

LEE CORSO: Couldn’t have said it better my friend. One week to go!

FOWLER: A little change up in our programming this week. Since this is one of the bigger primary seasons we have witnessed in a while. We’re doing a three post event here for Primary Gameday.

CORSO: Three post event! That G$ sure is crazy.

HERBSTREIT: Coach, I believe epic is what you’re trying to say.

FOWLER: Epic indeed, Kirk. And since we’re dragging this into three. We thought we’d add some extra help to the show. QCI-ders, via satellite, welcome legendary analyst Beano Cook.

BEANO COOK: Great to be here. I haven’t been this excited since I was named honorary chaperone to the USC Song Girls at South Bend in ‘67. Only to have my mojo stolen by that blasted Orenthal James fellow.

FOWLER: Still not over that, huh Beano?

BEANO: Damn you to hell OJ Simpson.

FOWLER: Alright then. Today we’ll cover the statewide candidates. As you all know the executive council… as it’s called, are all up this year. The Rs control 2 of these offices. Auditor of State, Dave Vaudt… and Secretary of Agriculture Bill Northey. These guys have really made a good base point for republicans to take back the other 6 offices. Quick thoughts on these great leaders?

HERBSTREIT: Bill Northey, this guy is everywhere and he doesn’t even have a primary. Every event I go, Northey is there smiling and shaking hands. He is the nicest guy on the ticket, if you don’t like Nothey you are probably a communist.

CORSO: Kirk! We agree! Bill will campaign hard for down ballot and to solidify his position. Solid, solid leader.

HERBSTREIT: He sure is, Coach. The Democrats have dredged up another organic fanatic pretend farmer to run against a real Iowa farmer. This will be an interesting match up as the Greenpeace types line with the D who no one knows and John Deere green types line up with the only real farmer in the race.

BEANO: I love the gold and green, like Notre Dame in 1973, although I swear I have seen that Northey logo before.

FOWLER: No real disagreements here on this one. Northey is just good at what he does. And everyone’s favorite Watch Dog is up this year….

BEANO: Ruff, Ruff, Ruff, wait… I wasn’t referencing David Vaudt, this is just what I like to do on a late Thursday night after going into the casual encounters section of Craigslist in a cheap hotel.

[Fowler, Herbstreit and Corso all with disturbed looks on their faces]

FOWLER: Uh… yeah. The Watch Dog, Auditor Dave Vaudt. Kirk, your take?

HERBSTREIT: STILL the only CPA in the race, infact guys he is the only person in the race. You can’t out dress him and you can’t beat him, heck you can’t even find someone to run against him.

CORSO: No Kirk, they cannot! No challenger, no problem, will help down ballot races.

FOWLER: Only one of the challengers in the statewides… without a primary is Brenna Findley. She has built quite the following. Impressive fundraising numbers. Is she going to be the mayor of Upset City this fall, Coach?

CORSO: Awe HA! Chris! Love her! Keep an eye on this one, she’s got fire! Kirk, we were just talking about her.

HERBSTREIT: We agree again, Coach. Move over Sarah Palin there is a new darling of the Iowa Conservatives and this one knows where Russia is. Where to start. Brenna is a homeschooled Iowa girl who worked as Congressman Steve King’s Chief of Staff. Translation: She is a rock solid conservative with natural ties with two of the hardest working networks. She got her law degree from the University of Chicago, routinely one of the top 5 schools in the Nation. She also managed to out raise Good ‘Ol Tom Miller SEVERAL times over. Brenna raked in an eye-popping $124K crushing Miller’s $15K. Tom’s got a problem and we got a candidate to give him fits. The feisty lawyer from Dexter has given Republican’s the best hope since Miller took office approximately one year after the last ice age.

BEANO: What would make her candidacy better? If she got her law degree from the University of Notre Dame. But she may have it better. A law degree from a Big Ten school.

FOWLER: Wondered how long until we’d get an old school Big Ten reference out of you Beano.

BEANO: As G$ says for you people in Story City who didn’t catch that. The University of Chicago was a founding member of the Big Ten.

FOWLER: Thanks for clarifying that Beano. On to races where we have actual primaries in these statewides.... State Treasurer. Coach, you get first stab on this one.

CORSO: A real opportunity for a Republican general election pick up here for State Treasurer. we have a couple good guys running for the chance. In the east end zone we have Jim Heavens the “Mayor from a town where the tax rates went down.” And at midfield we have Republican County All-Star Dave Jamison. Heavens loaned himself the money and has been on the radio and to boot he has a great low name ID name, who doesn’t want to pull the lever for Heaven’s sake. But, not so fast my friend!

HERBSTREIT: Here it comes…

CORSO: Story County Treasurer Dave Jamison has done a lot around the state organizing county officials for years. Dave is very well known and liked in the Republican Party and has the endorsements to prove it. I have to think that wins the day for Jamison and immediately will put State Treasurer Fitzgerald on upset alert. But I’ll tell you this, Heavens is a smart guy and a good Republican prospect, don’t be surprised to see him again down the road.

FOWLER: Upset alert. I like it. Kirk?

HERBSTREIT: Chris, I dub this race, the Marine vs. the Mayor. First, Jim Heavens. This guy is no dummy. DR. Jim Evans has a phd in Agriculture and did a heck of a job as the Mayor of Dyersville, as Coach said, “he’s the Mayor of the town where the tax rates went down.” Also, home of the slightly more notable Field of Dreams.

FOWLER: If you build it, will they vote?

HERBSTREIT: Getting to that Chris. Enter Dave Jamison. I know Beano will have more on this… But… OK… I will admit I didn’t know as much about Jamison as I thought. Not only a Story county Treasurer but also a former Marine with a Masters in Finance.

BEANO: Hell yes.

HERBSTREIT: The Race. Heavens has a little over 30K on hand almost all of it from a loan. Jamison has been everywhere and has raised over 30K the way you want to see it done. Lots of small donors. He also served on the Republican State Central Committee. Jamison has the advantages and the fundamentals down. It’s going to take more than some Kevin Kostner magic outta Dyersville to beat the Marine from Ames. What say you Beano?

BEANO: Like a pre-op Transvestite, I’m just going to pull this out really fast here. I go with Jamison, and only because you don’t eff with a Marine, much the same way you didn’t mess with the 1959 Iowa Hawkeyes.

[Fowler, Herbstreit and Corso with very disturbed looks on their faces.]

FOWLER: Uh… So I guess the consensus is… Jameson because of his statewide network. Makes sense to me, but I think you’re right Coach. This isn’t the last time we’ll see this mayor.

CORSO: Let’s hope so Chris. We have a lot of great people running this year.

FOWLER: Absolutely right, Coach. For our final pick of the day… the last of the statewides… Secretary of State. A couple of new faces and one very familiar one. Kirk, you have a lot of notes on this.

HERBSTREIT: This is probably the most exciting primary on the ballot. Other than the Gubernatorial and 3rd congressional district, and second congressional district, and 1st congressional district. Ok, this race has been lower profile but these guys are squaring off for an important position and a tough fight with SOS Mike Mauro.

You got it all here folks. George Eichhorn is on the ballot… again… and could have an advantage from running two years ago in the Senate Primary which he lost to Chris Reed. Eichhorn, who’s name I can’t spell even though he has been running for office almost as long as BVP hasn’t raised much money and only has $2600 on hand. I’m not sure what he has been spending it on, but its not gonna be enough.

FOWLER: They’re a little sensitive on the name thing over at Team I-Corn… errr Eichhorn.

HERBSTREIT: Just a little, Chris. Then there’s the kid. Matt Shultz, a 30 year old city councilman from Council Bluffs. Matt has been a solid activist in Western Iowa but new to the scene as a candidate. Shultz hasn’t raised much dough either but taking a peek at his expenditures is interesting. Lots of central committees on there. Whats that mean? This guy is all over the place. We’ve seen him at events all over the state and he is always working the room introducing himself.

Finally, Chris Sanger, Love the enthusiasm. Small business owner and clearly best facial hair on among the down ballot races, but Chris shave the beard and raise your profile a little. Did I mention shave the beard.

CORSO: Love that beard!

BEANO: I love the beard of Chris Sanger, and any man who resembles the Gentleman Ghost at his wedding has Beano intrigued, but beards and top hats don’t always make for a happy boy on Election Day. Speaking of guys named Chris, a Chris I think we can all agree on as being a walking, fornicating, and defecating mad Mo Fo is that Zorich kid from Notre Dame, that man had arms like a Zeus and an mean attitude of waitress that got stiffed her tip by a drunk Freshman at Perkins

[An even more disturbed looked on the faces of Fowler, Herbstreit and Corso]

HERBSTREIT: Um…. Yeah…. This is race between old and new, and while I love George I’m gonna go with the hard working young buck who’s name can be spelled with ease. Coach, why don’t you bring us home on this one.

CORSO: Chris! All I can keep thinking is… Eichhorn and Finkle, Finckle and Eichhorn, Eichhorn is Finkle? Is this the same Eichhorn that was in a statewide primary last cycle? Its déjà vu all over again. Councilman Schultz has a nice web ad out but the problem is… it’s a web ad, old primary voting grandpas and grandmas don’t know how to use those interwebs. I have heard there is a third candidate, Chris Sanger, who? I said Chris Sanger… Sanger? I hardly know her! Sanger’s campaign slogan is “He will vote the way people want” I don’t know about where you come from Beano but in Iowa the Secretary of State doesn’t do much voting. This is a bit of a hat grab situation, like the Senate primary in ’08 most don’t know much about any of them, but when ‘the people vote the way they want’ in this election it is going to be Finkle and Eichhorn this time by a close but comfortable margin over Councilman Schultz.

FOWLER: I guess you could say, beards, the young guy and still can pronounce the name is your takes. Alright, that wraps up for today. Tune in next time as we take on the Congressional races.