Stay Calm... Stay Calm...

OK QCI-ders... I'm trying to stay calm. Many of you who know me from my campaign past... I've always been a federal guy. You know... Congress, Senate & President... it makes it simpler for my brain and mental health... you know... because Federal issues are things, that you could talk to just about anyone about... right?

"What the hell are you talking about?"

I'll tell ya... because I gots some emails about it.

"Yea, what's up with dat? You givin a crap about state stuff?"

Now you're getting it... I don't know why... something just snapped... hence the "Damn It Rants" or DIRs for you cool kids who are in the know...

Now... for some reason... I always felt that state issues were a bit more complicated... I would have to give a ring to couple of buddies and ask, "Am I f'ing getting this right? This thing would mean this... so this would happen and then BOOM... shitstorm, right?" Then my pals would say, "Yup... just like that." Then I would be like, "Cool, so I half way understand what I think I'm talking about."

This post could have totally ended up in a complete DIR today... no question... but kind of feelin' like Jules at the end of Pulp Fiction today... you know, because Lent starts tomorrow... and I'm narrowing down my list of stuff to give up... (and yes, I always try to pick the hard things to give up, so get off my ass)...

I'm trying to stay calm about what's going on in the State Senate... but... alright... then sudden Teen Wolf moves begin to happen...

What in the Hell?!?!?!?!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN IITTTTTTTTTTT!

Didn't we already go through this?!?!? DAMN IT! THE FRIGGIN' ELECTORIAL F'ING COLLEGE!!!!!!!! Call me John McEnroe because I'm saying, "YOU CAN NOT BE SERIOUS!!!!!!!'

I'm getting f'in releases from press peeps because we have abosolutely nothing else to do, but make our state irrelevant!!! DAMN IT! This is some twisted "Way Way Way Before April Fool's Joke"... right? ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?!

Thanks a lot... now you did it... E - LECT - ORAL F- ING COL-LEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN IT!

Awesome, that's really awesome. Yup, this is the best idea ever... yup... wow, I'm sure glad those peeps up in the Senate have all figured out. Cool. I feel so better now... because... you know... DAMN IT!!!!!!!!! DAMN IT!!! DAMN IT!!! DAMN IT!!!!!

[Bam... crash... glass breaking...]

G$ - DAMN IT!!!

[sound of walls getting holes put in them with George Brett signature Louisville Slugger]

G$ - ARRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!! DAMN!!!!! IT!!!!!

[neighbors outside gathering in front of building]

Neighbor 1: Dude, what's going on with G$?

[window smash]

Neighbor 2: Dunno man... either he's watching a Chiefs game or he's watching the news... he's political you know...

G$ - SON OF A.... [crash]

Neighbor 1: Nah man... it ain't football season... it's a politcal thing or something...

Neighbor 2: Oh yea man... cool... man, remind me not to talk to him during football season...

G$ - ARRRRRGHH!!!!!! DAMN IT!!!!! [smash]

Neighbor 1: Yea or this Erectial... Erectal... Electoral... College or something he's talkin' man...

Neighbor 2: Yea man... he really flips his lid man...

G$ - DAMN IT!!!!

[sound of snapping 2x4s]

Neighbor 2: [yelling] Yo G$, man... you need a beer man?

[demolition noises stop]

[G$ comes out of door... with a death glare that could cut cement]

[Neighbor 1 throws G$ an ice cold Milwaukee's Best Light Tallboy]

[G$ slams beverage... lights cigarette]

Neighbor 2: Man... the land lady is gonna be pissed, man...

G$: [smirks] You dudes have a broom I could borrow? Maybe a Shamwow?

Neighbor 1: Yea man... Whoah... when did you grow out all of that sweet hair man?

G$: It's a mullet thing...

[Neighbor 1 high fives G$]

Neighbor 2: Nice man... that's like the greatest haircut in American History... let's get you that broom, man....

The DIRs: Hello Window, Meet My Friend Named Fist... CRASH

So yea... it took until Wednesday for something to burst a friggin' blood vessel... yea... we know that we were cranking up the tunes... and gettin' a little party hardy Marty yesterday... but shitty weather (or the lies and lack there of) must have some effect on the fuses here at good ole QCI HQ...

DAMN IT! ZIPPITY ZIPPITY TWIST CONE DAMN IT (with sprinkles)!! AND HIT ME UP SIDE THA HEAD DAMN IT!!!

So, today's DIR comes by the way of the undisputed heavy weight champion of the blogs... the king poobah of the rightosphere... our main mofo... Krusty Konservative.

Side note... how much has Hershel been on his friggin game... damn man... you're rolling like Jordan in NBA Finals... you know... the one when he just drained like 2,021 three pointers in a single game... crazy ERR krazy good.

Anyways... there's like a ton of issues he's yaking about... then it hits... you're just chillin at a bar... hanging out... trading war stories... then all of a sudden... WHAM... some d bag takes a cheap shot at one of your buddies at the bar... out of freaking no where... You don't think twice... you grab a chair, a table... a portable air conditioner... screw it... what ever it takes... that's right, this dumb bastard is the GAS TAX and that bastard must be destoyed! DAMN IT!

Nothing wants makes us want to break something when someone says... "Well, a gas tax is a truely fair way solve the issue." DAMN IT! Then you got some "would be Republican allies" who can't enough of the gas tax. They're like those meth heads who attend Denver Bronco home games... they need their fix of crystal meth... the gas tax. DAMN IT!

Then if that doesn't want you to take a baseball bat to your very collectable limited edition Royals Hall of Fame Bobblehead collection... (no worries... have doubles of everything just in case of these emergencies) you got Republicans... Republicans for this. DAAAAAAAAAMN IT!

Alright kids... gas tax is the only way to solve it... raising taxes is the only way to solve it... it's the fairest thing to do... DAMN IT! Now... we always say this up front... we're not, repeat NOT the sharpest tools in the shed... ah hell no we're not... BUT we are more of a... "Get R Done" type of a bunch, yeah... you know... work the problem... figure it out... We said it before and we'll say it again... If we can park a golf cart on Mars... we can do anything.

Listen, we know you guys up in at the Capitol aren't rocket scientists at NASA... No one is really that smart... you know, except NASA Rocket scientists... but you are a somewhat smart bunch... hell, you got enough people drinking the Kool Aid to even think this is a perfect solution... raise taxes... DAMN IT! Get creative... remember... aren't we the party of BOLD ideas? Come on doggs... think about... your average Joe six packs out there are learning how to cut costs... I'm sure personally you are cutting back... figure it out... work the problem. For real... some crazy bastard is making millions now for selling blankets with sleeves! Start thinking snuggies... yea... snuggies man.... muh fuggin snuggies... DAMN IT!!!!

So yea... say no to the gas tax... and also... a quick subject change... for my personal mental heath STOP... I mean STOP trying to compare mediocre players to George Brett on Facebook... Damn IT! Or the dudes over QCI HQ are gonna go July 24, 1983 on your ass...

The DIRs: You Have Got to be Shitting Me...

Yea... 3 DIRs already this week. I wonder if I'm in some sort of mood... the fuse is a little short or is it really... the lack of leadership in the Golden Dome... So... I'm in my evening routine... just killed a few chapters of an awesome book... and the news is about to come on... time to make popcorn... stove style... oh yea... the simple pleasures... bust out a chocolate milk... peace... a nice little evening...

Then... it happens...

DAMN IT! ...DOUBLE DAMN IT! TRIPLE FREAKING LINDY DAMN IT!!

Electoral College? Electoral College... The dumb ass Electoral College? You must be shitting me... Electoral freaking College!?!?!?! This is the hot f'ing news item of the day? This is what they are working on? DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN IT!

I thought I was going to blow a gasket. Then of course we get a stupid ass lesson on the Electoral College... they do this shit everytime its brought up... you know... because there are clowns who have no clue what it is. You know what? If you are going to waste time and debate if we are going to participate in this... (which good luck with that morons)... let's add this to the bill. If you do not know what the Electoral College is... ZAP! You don't get to vote anymore... that's right Chachi... no more. Take that and stick it up your same day registration. "Um, sir... what's the Electoral College?" "I dunno know man..." BAM! Sledgehammer to the head... "I'll take that voter registration card, sir... no votes for you."

So yea... I'm starting to throw shoes at my TV... then State Senator Jochum comes on TV... blah blah blah... it's important... blah blah blah... DAMN IT! You know what Pammy... it's not. It's way not. Worthless... big time worthless. So worthless that you wouldn't even keep this discussion around for the organs. Yea. That worthless. DAMN IT!!!

Listen... I know that there will be little proclomations this session. A salute to Goober, Iowa and their 50th Cow Chip Throwing Contest... awesome. Oh... don't forget we're going to have another salute to Shawn Johnson day again... yea... she's dancing now. Sweet... can't wait for that to dominate the news... Oh crap... how about we remove the word idiot from the State Constitution... oh wait... you already did that.

But with all the crap we got going on... you want to discuss the Electoral College. DAMN IT! I tell you what... go for it. You know what? After you get done with that... I propose that we discuss the impact of the Designated Hitter in baseball... yea... I think Iowa should take a stand on this issue... seriously... "Oh come on G$... there are real issues to talk about... the budget... the gas tax... the economy... flood relief... important shit, man." Oh really? I'm sorry that's not important at all... we have to discuss the Electoral f'ing College.

DAMN IT!

Whew... feel a little better... you think I'm nuts? Even D Chung and the Fly Boys are chirping about it...

The DIRs: Fairness My Ass...

Cool... you all are digging the DIRs. Hopefully this will be a regular bit... but you never know, as I have the attention span of a 2nd grader (and the grammar and spelling of a 3rd grader). Anyways... chillin at lunch... checking Drudge... then you know what happened next.... DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!

HARKIN AND THE FAIRNESS DOCTRINE - This stuff usually doesn't trip my trigger... you know the whole Rush Limbaugh thing going on... ect. ect... but then I read this thing in the Politico. Then specifically this from Bill Press:

"You know, we gotta work on that, because they are just shutting down progressive talk from one city after another. All we want is, you know, some balance on the airwaves, that's all. You know, we're not going to take any of the conservative voices off the airwaves, but just make sure that there are a few progressives and liberals out there, right?"

DAMN IT!

Now we all know were going socialist... bailouts... even f'ing Newsweek said it... now the airwaves? Hey Bill, get this... no one wants to listen to it. Um... that's why Air America or what ever the hell it was called... failed. DAMN IT!

Why am I surprised? The government is running everything else... might as well dictate what is in the media. Oh wait.....

So yea... we got that going for us. Excuse me Senator, we're out of toilet paper... you mind if I use the Constitution? The First Amendment portion would be fine.

DAMN IT.

The DIRs: First Edition

New feature. New header... with a little attitude. Is anyone else pissed off yet? Good. You'll lurve this feature then. This is for all of the stuff that makes you stop and say, Damn IT! And yes, even a few God Damns as well. Oh yea, I said it. Deal with it. Here's a few issues that are just pissing us off over here at QCI HQ.

OH SHIT - This is a quick shout out to the Fly Boys highlighting the Newsweek cover... DAMN IT... even f'ing Newsweek says it. This not only makes us say DAMN IT... but OH SHIT.

OBAMA - Listen, we weren't really interested in the whole bashing POTUS on his every move... but DAMN IT, it makes it hard after his first few weeks. Seriously, they thought GWB was arrogant? Come on, just look at last night's presser. He'll say he's not partisan, then launch into some smart alec bit about the minority... thus turning it into a partisan thing. It's all you Mr. President. Good luck with the porkulus

GOVT TOUR? While were at it, what's up with FLOTUS's tour of government? Damn it! For real yo... this is their mindset. Government worship. Seriously. This should scare the living shit out of you.

STATE GOVT - So yea... new carpet at RIO. DAMN IT! What in the hell, right?

We could go on for a while... nut QCI is gonna get a little more positive and offer solutions. You know... because after a quick smoke... we'll be all calmed down Stay tuned.

Oh, and one less Daily Damn It for Iowa bloggers... you know... everytime you used to check The Real Sporer... no updates... then you went, damn it! No longer, he's back. Nice work Uncle Ted.

QCI-ders... anything else making you say, DAMN IT! ?

DAMN IT... DAMN IT…

Not so good in the QCI Football Department dudes… In case you couldn’t hear me screaming, it was a rough weekend.

GO HAWKS! …AND TAKE KEN O’KEEFE WITH YOU! - Damn Hawks… Damn it…. Oh well… but it looks like the 2nd half was Jake’s last shot to be the #1 guy. Slick Rick is getting the start per the DMR. Still how much did that suck… DAMN IT….

COULD USC BEAT THE CHIEFS? – Well, that’s the discussion on Dan Patrick today… sigh… damn it. For years my Pops affectionately called them the “Kansas City Cubs”… but since they clinched this weekend… we can just call them the Chiefs… because they are terrible… damn it… DAMN IT…

FROM THE GOOD NEWS DEPARTMENT – Zingo is in Des Moines!!! Woot! Check out Zingo! It’s the wave of the future… http://www.zingodm.com/.

MORE FROM THE GOOD NEW DEPARTMENT… WOOT!!!! In case you missed it… Metallica has been nominated as an inductee to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. They are one of the 9 nominees… 5 will be selected in January 2009. Of course they are gonna get in.

DEBATE… This Friday… stupid day to have it. Thoughts on this QCI-ders? Chat in the comment section.